Episode 35 - When I Chose Myself

During a trial I went through, it pained me that Allah the Almighty would see the hearts of people of falsehood and desires, finding in them readiness to sacrifice for the sake of this world and to support falsehood, and He would see my heart and find me preoccupied with my ambition, doubting myself to be harmed for the sake of Allah!

So this poem was titled (When I Chose Myself):

The soul groans from the company it turns to It moans under its burden and feels constrained And sighs from a wound that has befallen us It distracts its sorrow with the beauty of memories And if I promised it joy that will come Why do I see you, O soul, so lazy Why don't you seek purity from hypocrisy It is the fate that nullifies all claims So it sprouts from the seeds of truth a blossom So how can a vile resolve reap from it I ask it to be at ease, but it refuses to be at ease And it fears what the days are pregnant with So after the sweetness of life, it becomes bitter It returns from the intensity of longing withered It rejects my company and seeks a resting place You are tired of seeking glory with humiliation With deeds that testify to your words And you send in the fields of claim a flood And the falsehood remains a faded lie Oh, if only, if only, if only

SSSSS

Why don't you wait for the slaves of this world Among them is one seeking praise and mention And he is rewarded so that it is said of him that he is brave And another, all his ambition is to achieve He perishes so that his face may be brightened And how many seek wealth and kingdom And the head of the people prefers the death of honor They cover in their pursuit the difficult and the easy He tastes for its sake stabbing and killing A small orphan, and the mother is bereaved With a veil or with honor or with Layla And he considers that she has fulfilled her duty to him! He leaves in it a homeland and people To escape from the humiliation of life in disgrace

SSSSS

If the one who strives for this world Am I not with the seekers of glory more worthy The highest of my ambitions, O soul, is higher For I have sold myself to my Lord And I am blessed in the gardens with good living And I spread in my veins the darkness of light And I repel the malice of wicked tongues So if you remember, O soul, my deed And if you witness the goodness of my Lord's reward Here is my resolve, and the soul is from me So I will strive in its paths, otherwise He sees in his stinginess towards the soul a miser No, O soul, but rather more worthy and more deserving And I will gain if I am true to the sale more precious To seize from it a favor and a bounty My course is the chosen one, and Allah is my protector And I establish in the souls of the young nobility He prevailed on earth with corruption and ignorance And my reward for what you have borne is heavy On the deeds of the servants, you have counted shamefully You see in weakness betrayal and humiliation Your offspring will rise to Allah swiftly