I Tried Religion But!

Imagine a man who has an apartment above his house and wants to rent it out for free to someone who can bring him peace of mind and relieve his stress. So far, the apartment has been occupied by: an actress with bad behavior but "entertaining," a man with a foul smell but "easygoing," and a singer who is deviant but handsome with a beautiful voice. These people did not bring him peace of mind, but he got used to them and fears that his life will "dry up" if he kicks them out... He heard about you and your good morals and wanted to "complete the team" with you, so he came to offer you to live with them in the apartment. Will you accept the offer? What? Did the question bother you? Did you find the offer itself offensive? My apologies! But let's face the truth: we may have been less polite when we thought we brought "religion" into our lives! We may have been delusional when we thought that what we "allowed" to intervene in part of our hearts, and compete with the "competing" tenants we do not want to get rid of because they are "entertaining" and we got used to them...We may have been very delusional when we thought this was the religion of God! If you have risen above living in an apartment like this, then God is the Highest and Most Exalted. And if you are jealous of yourself to compete with these despicable competitors, then no one is more jealous than God...He is jealous that in one heart, His love and intimacy with Him and longing for Him should mix with the love of sins and intimacy with them and longing for them! Therefore, the one who occupies your heart is not God, but a "censored" model that you created to complete the team! You subjugate it, but you do not submit to it. So if you find yourself saying: "I want to be righteous, but I fear that my life will dry up"...the reason is simply that you think righteousness is about evicting the bad tenants and keeping this censored model alone in the apartment...And yes, he will not be able to truly occupy your heart! Because -simply- he is not God! You will not taste the sweetness of faith if you want to "try" righteousness for a period, evict the bad tenants from your heart but tell them: (Stay close, for I may need you again if my life dries up)! You will keep the "return line," maintain your connection to a life of heedlessness, give the censored model (which you thought was religion) a chance, and sit waiting for him to bring you victories and revelations and inspirations...until if nothing happens from that, you will excuse yourself and say: "I tried religion and it did not bring me happiness," and if not for the "shame" you would say: "I tried God but..."! Then you will call the bad tenants to return to the apartment again! You deceived yourself, poor soul! God is certain and not "tried"! Rather, you tried what you created for yourself, just as someone would make an idol from clay and ask it for sustenance, and when it did not answer, he ate it! Whoever truly wants God to occupy his heart...should cleanse it, prepare it, and make it fragrant, then surrender it to God willingly, a surrender that is eternal, not temporary renting...saying: My Lord, I have surrendered myself to You... My Lord, I have vowed to You what is in my chest, free and unburdened, so accept it from me... And in doing so, he is ashamed of this mixed merchandise, fearing that God will not accept him, searching for any flaw in this heart that can make him fall from God's sight...He may have burned his ships on the shore of righteousness so that he does not think of returning to the past of heedlessness... At that moment, God will truly occupy his heart, and he will truly taste the sweetness of faith, and his life will not dry up. Yes, evil thieves will attack his heart, for he is human after all, but he sees them as thieves and deals with them as such, seeking God's help in evicting them. But if you befriend these thieves, let them live in your heart willingly, and do not make the effort to evict them and cut ties with them, then blame God with a heart like this that you want Him to occupy, you have wronged God in your opinion by thinking that He accepts to compete with them! ((And they did not estimate God with the right estimation)). Therefore, O you who say: "I want to try righteousness but..." you will fail the experiment, and the reason is known from your sentence! For God is certain, and He is not "tried." So be certain, and approach the one who said in the sacred hadith: (When a servant draws near to Me a hand's span, I draw near to him an arm's length. And if he draws near to Me an arm's length, I draw near to him a fathom's length. And if he comes to Me walking, I go to him running) (Bukhari).