In the beginning of my youth there was fear of Allah in my heart and love for Him. But the aspect of fear was predomina…

In the beginning of my youth there was fear of Allah in my heart and love for Him. But the aspect of fear was predominant...and I was plagued by feelings of falseness and fear of falling in trials...so my Lord, Glory be to Him, exposed me to trials, and every time He was with me making me patient, surrounding me with His mercies, bearing me from the trial according to what I could bear and no more, and when my back strengthened He prepared me for a greater test, and He placed in the depths of trials relief and gifts and glad tidings, then He made apparent to people from me what is praiseworthy and concealed my weakness...

The anticipated moment that I feared did not come...the moment of Allah abandoning me for my sins and slips and faults...rather the days pass and nothing comes to me from my Lord except increased blessing and concealment and kindness and mercy...and I learned that He is kinder and more merciful and gentler and more forbearing than I thought..until I loved Him for those great attributes and His love balanced the fear of Him, Glory be to Him...

You see the child thrown by his father into fears...he stands him on his feet to learn walking after crawling...he throws him in the water to learn swimming...and every time he picks him up from his stumble and extends to him the hand of help...so the child loves his father who frightens him to teach him and strengthen his back and elevate him in ranks...he walks and on his face is fear mixed with a smile and joy, and in his chest is a heart beating with love for his father the educator the teacher.

And to Allah belongs the highest example.

A lesson I would not have learned, and a love I would not have absorbed were it not for tribulations...and no by Allah I would not love to have been spared and not gained these gifts...

O people, love your Lord and trust in His mercy and wisdom and His upbringing of you...

And O Lord, to You is praise, filling my insides and my being, and filling the heavens and the earth, and filling what You will of anything after.