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Peace be upon you and the mercy of Allah. Dear brothers, today we will discuss three psychological introductions that we should recall before advising others if we want our advice to be truly impactful.
The first introduction is sincerity. When we talk about giving advice privately, we usually mean to avoid embarrassing the person being advised. However, there is another benefit: that your advice is not a display of your abilities in front of others. This is important.
When a father comes to you with his son and says, "Talk to the boy, he doesn't listen, he doesn't pray, he doesn't study, his friends are bad." If you advise the boy in front of his father, he may feel that you are not advising him for his sake, but to please his father. He will feel that you are not sincere in your advice, he may shake his head to laugh at you both, and his heart may close to hearing what you say.
It is better to say to the father, "Let me and the boy's father take a walk and have a conversation." Then the words will come from your heart genuinely, not to flatter anyone, and he will feel that.
The second introduction: having the intention of good for whom you advise, not just fulfilling a duty. In a authentic hadith, Quraysh said to the Prophet, peace be upon him: "Ask your Lord to make the Safa for us gold and we will believe in you." The Prophet said, "Will you do that?" They said, "Yes." So he prayed, and then Gabriel came and said, "Your Lord sends you peace and says: If you wish, the Safa will become gold for them. Whoever disbelieves after that among them will be punished with a punishment that no one in the worlds will be punished with. And if you wish, I will open for them the door of repentance and mercy." The Prophet, peace be upon him, said, "Rather, the door of repentance and mercy."
He could have said, "If they disbelieve after that, then let the matter be good and rest from them, and why should I care about their guidance after that." But it was mercy despite their harm to him, peace be upon him. This was with the disbelievers, so how is it with the Muslims?
Allah the Almighty says: {Indeed, there has come to you a Messenger from among yourselves. Grievous to him is what you suffer; [he is] concerned over you [i.e., his ummah]; and to the believers he is kind and merciful.} How impactful your advice will be, by the permission of Allah, when someone feels that you are eager to benefit him in this world where materialism prevails.
The third psychological introduction: detachment from what people have. Allah the Almighty mentioned about His prophets, peace be upon them, that they used to say to their people: {And I do not ask of you for this any payment. My reward is only from the Lord of the worlds.} Yes, this is more likely to be accepted.
And in a good hadith, the Messenger of Allah, peace be upon him, said: "Be detached from the world and Allah will love you, and be detached from what is in the hands of people and people will love you." You do not want from them money or electoral votes or anything else. Therefore, it is not appropriate for someone who wants to be a sincere advisor and reformer to ask those he gets to know about their salary or possessions or any question that makes them feel he is trying to benefit from building a relationship with them. This makes them feel that he is using advice as a means to breathe.
Psychological introductions for every sincere advisor: sincerity, intention of good for people with eagerness, and detachment from what they have.
Next time, by the permission of Allah, we will talk about things we do before the need for advice so that our advice is more effective when needed. Peace be upon you and the mercy of Allah.