Peace be upon you.
Introduction: Nada and Shadi
Nada completed her studies at an American school, then graduated from a local medical college, specializing in psychiatry. Shadi - who is two years older than her - proposed to her after completing his specialization in psychiatry as well at a hospital in Australia. Nada, who was twenty-six years old, accepted him, they got married, and lived a somewhat happy few months, then the problems began and escalated. Their spring did not last long, and their life entered a long autumn.
One day, Nada came home early from work, Shadi was not yet back, so she entered the office, took out a piece of paper and a pen, and began to write:
Nada's Problems with Her Husband Shadi
Coldness and Lack of Expression of Love
- What are my problems with Shadi? Shadi is cold; he no longer expresses his love to me, and I have started to doubt that he loves me.
- I was sick once, and he did not show me kindness or special care.
- When I am having my menstrual period, I am somewhat stressed, yet he does not consider me, even though he - as a psychiatrist - understands what I am going through.
- He mocks my feminine interests and makes me feel disrespected.
Neglect and Lack of Care
- He does not care about my belongings; a bracelet worth 2,000 dinars that my mother gave me broke, I asked him to fix it, and it is still in front of him on the city for months, and all he said when I reminded him was: today, and tomorrow!
Selfishness and Preferring Oneself
- He is selfish; he prefers himself over me. Sometimes we both come home late from work, and there is no food in the house, one of his friends calls him, and he goes out without asking about me.
Quality of Shared Time
- The time Shadi spends with me is not "quality time"; he is distracted, we are physically close, but spiritually distant.
Transferring Work Problems and Lack of Security
- He brings his work problems into the house, and I do not feel safe with him.
- In contrast, he does not share his joys with me!
Not Listening and Getting Annoyed by Questions
- If I talk to him for a long time about a topic, he interrupts me and asks me to shorten it, and gets annoyed by the number of my questions.
Boredom and Double Standards
- He has started to get bored of me, and it is very painful that this is in contrast to his interest in his female colleagues at work and his cheerful spirit with them.
- His temper flares up at me quickly if I am two minutes late for him, for example, while he is waiting for me in the car! In contrast, his colleague was half an hour late for me and him once, and when she apologized, his response was: never, never a problem.
Jealousy and Suspicion
- I once held his mobile phone and sent a message to his secretary asking her to stop sending him messages: (Good morning, may it bring you joy...), out of jealousy for him. When he found out, he got angry at me, cut me off for days, and put a password on his mobile so I could not open it.
- He responds to my jealousy by showing bad faith in me that I intentionally talk to the colleagues and that I am emotionally inclined towards one of them.
Suppression of Personality and Lack of Appreciation
- I feel that my personality has been suppressed with him; I feel weak and lack self-appreciation in front of others when I am with him.
Lack of Help at Home and Contradiction
- When the maid is on vacation, he does not help at home, even though he writes posts about women's rights and their "oppression."
- He enters the bathroom, takes a shower, does not clean up after himself, leaves his belongings, and expects me to do all of this! Why? Since he believes in the equality of women and men!
Bad Habits and Neglect of Appearance
- He has recently started smoking, and I am bothered by the smell of his smoke.
- Simple things have started to provoke me, why doesn't he dress up for me as he does for others?!
- I have started to prefer his absence from me!
Dual Personality
- The worst thing about Shadi is that he appears to people with a charitable and affectionate image, but this charity disappears with me, and he justifies it to me by saying that he is "under pressure, life's problems are many, and that he has to deal kindly with people by nature of his work as a psychiatrist."
Private Aspects That Are Offensive
- There are aspects of his private life that I am too embarrassed to talk about because they are very offensive to him!
Disgust with the Marital Relationship
- Due to the deterioration of Shadi's image in my eyes, I have started to feel disgusted by our instinctive relationship as a couple and feel that I am doing something wrong!
Arrogance and Not Showing Weakness
- He is arrogant to show his weakness in front of me, and instead of that, he lashes out at me if he is exposed to what shows him as weak.
Lack of Mutual Care and Desire to Oppose
- I no longer care about his concerns; I have started to intentionally oppose him in everything, and I do not want to be like him in anything!
Psychological Exhaustion and Request for Separation
- My psychology with him is exhausting, even though I am a psychiatrist!
- I asked for separation from him, but he hinted that he would not forgive me for any of the things he bought for me and did not write in my name.
Lack of Solutions Among Friends
- I had confided in some of my friends hoping to find a solution with them, but I discovered that he - even if the details differed - they all suffer as well, even if our cases vary in the degree of tension.
Nada's Consultation with the Mother of the Believers Aisha, May Allah Be Pleased with Her
But I had heard from a long time ago about a girl named Aisha and heard that she had a marriage story with the Messenger of Allah Muhammad - peace be upon him - different from everything I had experienced in my environment! I remembered Aisha now, so I went through the pages of the biography, and came to her for consultation, but I heard about the level of morality that she and her husband possessed, so I did not inform her of some of the details that I am too embarrassed to mention. I asked her questions equal to the number of my twenty-three problems with Shadi, so that I could compare.
Here - brothers - begins the hypothetical dialogue between Nada and Aisha. A dialogue in which we simplified some of what our mother Aisha said in the hadiths, and added what helps in drawing the picture, while taking care that the words of the Prophet - peace be upon him - and his actions remain in their originality without any alteration. Knowing that their sources are the authentic hadiths that we will mention to you in the comments, and we did not resort to any weak hadith, so it is not appropriate to object after that that we attribute to the biography what is not from it!
The Hypothetical Dialogue
The dialogue began, Nada started by asking Aisha:
- Are you, Lady Aisha, the wife of Muhammad - peace be upon him -?
- Yes.
- Do you allow me to ask questions?
Expressing Love
Nada thought to herself: Shadi is dry, he no longer expresses his love to me, and I have started to doubt that he loves me! So she asked:
- Did the Messenger of Allah express his love to you?
Aisha smiled and softened:
- He would kiss me fleeting kisses while he was fasting, and when they asked him, "Who is the most beloved of people to you?" He said, "Aisha." In a society that had not been accustomed to declaring love for one's wife.
Caring for the Sick
- Once, I fell ill, and Shadi did not show me any kindness or special care. So she asked, "Did the Prophet feel concern for you when you were ill?"
- He would treat me with special kindness and place his hand on the place of pain and pray for me.
Respecting the Menses Period
- When I am in my menses days as a woman, and yet Shadi does not consider me, even though as a psychologist he understands what I am going through. So she asked, "Well, did the Messenger of Allah consider you during your menses period?"
- He was with me in these periods the kindest he could be; I would drink while menstruating, then I would hand the vessel to the Prophet, and he would intentionally place his mouth on the place where I had drunk, and I would eat meat, then I would hand it to the Prophet, and he would intentionally place his mouth on the place of my mouth to please my thoughts and remove my sadness. And the menses came to me while I was performing Hajj, so I cried fearing that my Hajj would be ruined. The Prophet said to me, "This is a matter that Allah has decreed for the daughters of Adam," then he mentioned to me what I should do.
Considering Women's Interests
Nada thought to herself: Shadi mocks my feminine interests and makes me feel disrespected. So she asked, "Well, did the Messenger of Allah consider your interests?"
Aisha smiled and said:
- Once, there were Abyssinians playing with spears in the mosque, so the Messenger of Allah asked me, "Do you want to watch them?" I said to him, "Yes," so he went towards the door, and I stood behind him, and I placed my chin on his shoulder and pressed my cheek to his cheek, and he covered me with his cloak. After a while, he asked me, "Is this enough for you?" - meaning is this enough for you - I said to him, "O Messenger of Allah, do not rush." So he remained standing for my sake. And after a while, he said, "Is this enough for you?" I said, "Do not rush, O Messenger of Allah." And he remained standing until I left; therefore, I said I will teach all people to care for the needs of the young girls, so that they may appreciate the value of the modern girl who is keen on play; so that they may take from this great character.
- Indeed, the Messenger of Allah married me when I was young, so I used to play with dolls in his house, and some girls of my age would play with me, and they would run away from the Prophet when they saw him, so he would hide them but the Prophet would bring them to me to make them feel at ease. And once, he saw my dolls, so he said, "What is this, O Aisha?" I said, "My girls." And he saw among them a horse with wings, so he said, "What is this that I see among them?" I said, "A horse," he said, "And what is this on it?" I said, "Wings." He said, "A horse with wings?" I said, "Have you not heard that Solomon had horses with wings?" So the Prophet laughed until I saw his molars.
- Do you mean you, Aisha, experienced life with him during the days of youth?
- Exactly! I was learning from him during all of that everything he did; I played, I enjoyed, I learned, and I worshipped... with a calm, settled, and balanced mind. And his care for me and his consideration of my needs continued even when I was a young woman.
Caring for Possessions
- He does not care about my belongings; a bracelet worth two thousand dinars that my mother had given me was broken, I asked him to fix it, and it has been in front of him on the camel for months, and all he said when I reminded him was, "Today, tomorrow..." today and tomorrow. So she asked, "Did the Prophet care about your belongings?"
Aisha smiled and said:
- Once, I went out with him on a journey, and my necklace broke, so the Prophet stayed in the place until we found it, and his companions stayed with him, and they did not even have water to perform ablution with! My father, Abu Bakr, came angry because I had caused everyone to delay and he pressed on my hip painfully, and the Messenger of Allah was sleeping on my thigh, so nothing prevented me from moving except my fear that the Prophet would wake up and I would ruin his comfort. By the way, my necklace broke with me another time, and my search for it and my delay from the army - because of that - was the cause of the incident of slander and the hypocrites' false accusations against me, and the Messenger of Allah did not rebuke me for the repeated falling of my necklace.
Selfishness and Favoring Oneself
Nada said to herself: Shadi is selfish, he sometimes favors himself over me. We both come home late from work and there's no food in the house. One of his friends invites him out and he goes without asking about me. So she asked:
- Did the Messenger of Allah sometimes favor himself over you when it came to food or drink?
Aisha showed signs of surprise and disapproval:
- Never; we had a Persian neighbor whose food was delicious. He prepared food for the Messenger of Allah (peace be upon him), then came to invite him. The Messenger of Allah asked, "Is this for me?" (meaning, am I invited with her?) The neighbor said no. The Messenger of Allah said, "No" (meaning, he couldn't accept the invitation unless Aisha was invited with him). The neighbor came back to invite him again. The Messenger of Allah asked, "And this?" The neighbor said no. The Messenger of Allah said, "No." Then the neighbor came a third time to invite him. The Messenger of Allah asked, "And this?" The neighbor said yes. So I went with the Messenger of Allah to our neighbor's house.
- Okay, why did he refuse to go alone?
- He knew I loved that food and that we had little food at home. He wanted to share his situation with me, so either we eat together or we go hungry together.
The situation moved Nada and meant a lot to her.
-
Okay, why did you have little food at home?
-
Money, gifts, and food would come to the Prophet (peace be upon him), and he would give them to the poor and the people of the Suffah. He would be patient, and I would be patient with him. How could I not be patient when I see him refusing to eat without me?
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Sorry for the question: a beautiful, intelligent young woman like you, were you ever given the chance to live a more comfortable life, even away from the Messenger of Allah? I mean, did you ever think about leaving him?
-
Leaving him!
Aisha laughed and then said she would tell her something:
- I and the wives of the Prophet would ask him for worldly comforts and insist on our requests a lot. We would even fight each other for that. The Prophet got angry with us and stopped talking to us for a month. Then Allah revealed a verse giving us the choice between staying with the Prophet and living a hard life or getting a divorce with kindness and receiving some worldly comforts. The Prophet started with me and said, "O Aisha, I want to present something to you. I want you not to rush and consult your parents." I said, "What is it, O Messenger of Allah?" He recited to me the verse: {O Prophet, say to your wives, "If you desire the life of this world and its adornment, then come, I will provide for you and release you with a good release. But if you desire Allah and His Messenger and the home of the Hereafter, then indeed, Allah has prepared for the doers of good among you a great reward."} (33:28-29). The Prophet finished and waited for me to answer after consulting my parents. I said to him, "Shall I consult my parents about you, O Messenger of Allah? Shall I consult my parents about you, O Messenger of Allah? No, I choose Allah, His Messenger, and the home of the Hereafter." The Messenger of Allah was happy with that.
Shall I consult my parents about you, O Messenger of Allah! What a beautiful phrase that resonated within Nada as she saw this love that had no turning back from a girl who saw herself with her husband as one soul in two bodies that could not be separated. Nada remembered how she had asked for separation from Shadi, but he hinted that he would not forgive her for any of the things he had bought for her and did not write in her name. She would stay with him attached to these things, not out of concern for him, while Aisha was given the opportunity to leave the Prophet and enjoy the world and its adornments, but she chose him without hesitation.
Quality Time Together
Nada said to herself: The time Shadi spends with me is not "quality time." It's not quality time but he is distracted. So she asked:
- The Messenger of Allah had great responsibilities and many occupations. Did you still feel that he was emotionally devoted to you when he was with you?
- He gave me my full right and was with me in body and mind. He took every opportunity to interact with me and get closer to me. He did sweet gestures that meant a lot to me. That's why you see many narrations from me because I was not on the margins of his life but at its core.
- The Prophet would recite the Quran in my lap while I was menstruating.
- He would recite it?!
- He would recite it anyway. Instead of reciting it away from me, he would recite it in my lap.
Nada imagined this pure, refined picture. She imagined the Messenger of Allah reciting with a sweet voice, his head in Aisha's lap, her hand stroking his hair, listening to him at the peak of love and harmony.
Aisha said:
- We spent joyful times together. Even when bathing, we would bathe from one vessel, racing for the water, joking with each other. I would say to him, "Leave some for me, leave some for me," and he would say, "Leave some for me, leave some for me" with affection, warmth, lightness of spirit, and tenderness.
Aisha smiled and then said:
- I traveled with him once when I was young and light in weight. He said to his companions, "Go ahead." They went ahead. Then he said, "Come, let's race." I raced him and won. Then I grew up, my weight increased, and I forgot about our first race. I traveled with him again, and he said to his companions, "Go ahead." They went ahead. Then he said, "Come, let's race." I said, "How can I race you, O Messenger of Allah, in this condition?" He said, "You should do it." I raced him, and he won. He laughed and said, "This is for that race."
Bringing Work Problems Home
Nada said to herself: Shadi brings his work problems into the house. So she asked:
- Didn't the burdens of life and the plots of the disbelievers and hypocrites against the Prophet affect your lives and stability?
- It was as if he would leave his worries at the doorstep when he entered upon me. I would see nothing but affection, tranquility, peace of mind, and good companionship from him.
- So you felt safe with him despite all these circumstances!
- Of course, what safety is greater than this?
Sharing Joys
Nada said to herself: On the other hand, Shadi does not share his joys with me. So she asked:
- Did the Prophet share with you what pleased him?
- Of course. For example: The Messenger of Allah (peace be upon him) once entered upon me happily, his face beaming. He said, "Did you not see that a man just now looked at Zayd bin Harithah and Usamah bin Zayd and said, 'These feet are of one another'?" Meaning, he was surprised and happy that a man who follows footsteps knew there was a relationship between Zayd and his son Usamah from their feet, even though he had not seen their faces; because they had covered their faces, and although Usamah's feet were completely black from his mother, and Zayd's feet were fair.
Listening and Paying Attention to the Conversation
Nada said to herself: If I talk to Shadi about a topic, he interrupts me and asks me to shorten it. He gets annoyed with the number of my questions. So she asked:
- Okay, did the Prophet listen to you with interest?
- He never interrupted me. Once, I sat with him and told him what eleven women had said to their husbands in a long conversation. The last of them was the wife of Abu Zar. He was generous to her, and the Messenger of Allah listened without interrupting me. When I finished, he said to me affectionately, "I was to you like Abu Zar to Umm Zar" (meaning, in generosity).
- I did not hear from him anything I did not know unless I reviewed it with him to know it. For example, he once said, "Whoever is held accountable will be punished." I said to him, "Does not Allah say, {But he will be given an easy account [84:8]}?" He said, "That is only the appearance, but whoever is scrutinized in the account will perish." He was happy with my love for learning. I asked him dozens or hundreds of questions present in the preserved hadiths, and he would answer with interest, showing no annoyance at the number of my questions or diminishing the importance of any question.
Dealing with Anger and Mistakes
Nada thought to herself: Shadi has started to annoy me, and his temper flares up at me quickly. It's very painful that this is in contrast to his interest in his female colleagues at work and his cheerful spirit with them. She asked:
- Did the Prophet's temper flare up at you when you made a mistake?
- On the contrary, he taught me gently. I once mentioned his wife Safiyya in a negative light, so he said to me: "If your word were mixed with the water of the sea, it would have mixed it" (meaning it would have spoiled it) to strengthen my conscience so that I would fear Allah. And he did not scold me. The least of it, if I made a mistake, was that his facial expressions would change, instilling in me a heightened sense, so that I would observe his expressions and adjust my behavior accordingly.
- Did he ever yell?
- Never.
Aisha smiled and said:
- Once he said to me: "I know when you are pleased with me and when you are angry with me!" I asked, "How do you know that?" He replied, "When you are pleased with me, you say: 'By the Lord of Muhammad,' and when you are angry, you say: 'By the Lord of Ibrahim.'" I said, "By Allah, I only abandon your name (meaning I only stop mentioning your name at that time, otherwise my love for you is steadfast in my heart and does not change)."
- Alright, and what was it that angered you?
- My jealousy of him.
- To this extent, you love him! You are jealous of him and want to monopolize him?
- How can I not love him to this extent with his morals? Once, it was my turn to have him stay the night with me. He came and lay down beside me, and when he thought I had fallen asleep, he got up quietly, put on his sandals quietly, and left. I quickly got dressed and followed him to see if he was going to another wife. But he was going to the Baqi cemetery where some of his companions were buried. When he wanted to return, I ran ahead of him so he wouldn't know I had followed him. When he entered, he saw my breathing move and asked me. I avoided answering, then told him, and he informed me that the Angel Gabriel had come to tell him that Allah commanded him to seek forgiveness for the people of Baqi. He feared waking me up and felt shy, so he left quietly. Then I asked him what to say if I visited the graves, and he taught me.
Jealousy and Dealing with It
Nada wanted to ask about the Prophet's dealing with Aisha's jealousy but felt shy to mention Shadi's situation with his female colleagues, which could not be compared to the lawful relationship between the Prophet and his wives. So she asked:
- How did he behave with your jealousy from his other wives?
Aisha smiled and said:
- One day, the Messenger of Allah invited his companions to my house. Umm Salama, the Prophet's wife, came with a large tray of food to honor the Prophet and his guests. I got jealous and broke the tray with a stone in my hand.
Nada opened her mouth and gasped:
- What did the Messenger of Allah do?
Aisha said:
- He gathered the pieces of the tray - with the food on them - and said to his companions: "Eat, your mother is jealous. Eat, your mother is jealous," meaning me. Then the Messenger of Allah took a tray from me and sent it to Umm Salama.
- Did the matter end at this point?!
- Did he hit you?!
Aisha laughed:
- Hit me?! The Prophet never hit a woman, a servant, or anything with his hand, except when he fought in the cause of Allah.
Strength of Character
Nada thought to herself: I feel that my personality is diminished with Shadi; I feel weak and undervalued in front of others when I am with him. She asked:
- Did you act in front of the Prophet with strength of character and your cheerful spirit?
Aisha smiled:
- Once I prepared food and had Soda, the Prophet's wife, sitting in my house. I said to her: "Eat!" And the Messenger of Allah was between us, and she said, "I do not desire nor will I eat." I said, "You will eat, or I will smear your face with food." She did not eat, so I smeared her face with food, and the Messenger of Allah laughed. Then Soda took some food and smeared my face, and the Messenger of Allah laughed.
Good Assumptions
Nada thought to herself: Shadi responds to my jealousy by showing bad assumptions about me, that I intentionally talk to colleagues and that I am emotionally inclined towards one of them. She asked:
- Did the Prophet have good assumptions about you?
- Yes, when the hypocrites slandered me, he defended me and said: "By Allah, I have not known anything but good from my family" - meaning me. However, he remained a month without receiving any revelation from the Quran regarding me. Yet, he felt shy to confront me with a question that would hurt my feelings about what some people say. Then when he wanted to ask me, he said: "O Aisha, it has reached me that you have done such and such..." "If you are innocent, Allah will declare your innocence," "and if you have committed a sin, seek forgiveness from Allah and repent to Him," "for when a servant confesses and then repents, Allah accepts his repentance." Then Allah revealed my innocence.
Helping with Household Matters
Nada thought to herself: When the maid is on leave, Shadi does not help at home, even though he writes posts about women's rights and their oppression. She asked:
- Of course, I do not think the Prophet helped you with household matters, as he is the Messenger of Allah...
- On the contrary, he helped me. When it was time for prayer, he would go out to pray.
Nada was surprised and imagined the scene of the Prophet helping his wife with household matters with humility and affection.
Attention to Appearance and Scent
Nada thought to herself: Shadi has recently started smoking, and I am bothered by the smell of his smoke. Simple things have started to provoke me; why does he not dress up for me as he does for others? She asked:
- Did the Prophet dress up for you and take care of his scent as he does with others?
- When he entered his home, he would start with the siwak so that I could smell the pleasant scent from his mouth.
Nada was surprised by this scene of a man entering his home, preparing as men today prepare to meet someone important or for work.
Attachment to the Spouse
Nada thought to herself: I have come to prefer Shadi's absence from me. She asked:
- It is clear that you were very attached to the Prophet. Did you reach the point where you could not bear his absence?
- One night, he said: "Aisha, let me worship my Lord tonight," so I said to him: "By Allah, I love your closeness, and I love what pleases you." He got up, purified himself, and then stood to pray.
Dealing with People and Family
Nada thought to herself: Shadi appears before people with an image of kindness and affection, but this kindness disappears with me, and he justifies it to me by saying he is under pressure and that life's problems are many. She asked:
- Did the Prophet treat you the same way he treated people?
- Even better! For he - peace be upon him - is the one who said: "The best of you is the best to his family, and I am the best to my family." He made the measure of kindness the treatment of wives.
Privacy and Transparency
Nada said to herself: There are aspects of Shadi's private life that I am ashamed to talk about because they greatly harm him, so she asked:
- Forgive me for the question, was there an aspect of the Prophet's life that you do not like anyone to know about?
- Rather, his entire life was an open page, and here I present it to people with all its details, even what is necessary to teach people about marital life, I talk about it. What do I hide from his life when his character was the Quran! Everything in the Quran of morals and manners I saw in Muhammad -peace be upon him-, his outward as his inward. He was polite with me as he was with people to the extent that I never saw him laugh excessively, but he would smile.
The Instinctive Marital Relationship
- With the shaking of Shadi's image in my mind, I began to detest our instinctive relationship as a couple, and I feel that I am doing something blameworthy, so she asked: Forgive me for the question, you said that you do not hesitate to talk about what is necessary to teach people about marital life, I mean... Did you feel any resentment in your private life?
- No, of course not; the instinctive relationship between spouses is close to Allah in Islam, and the couple is rewarded for it, and this is something that the Messenger of Allah -peace be upon him- taught me.
Aisha continued:
- And at the same time, do you know how Allah described me and the believing women like me in Surah An-Nur, when the hypocrites slandered me with falsehood? Allah described us as "unaware," do you know what "unaware" means? It does not occur to us the evil and forbidden relationships because of our purity and the purity of our nature. But when I entered the house where the Messenger of Allah and my father (Abu Bakr) were buried, I would take off my clothes and say: He is only my husband and my father, but when Umar was buried with them, by Allah, I did not enter it except while holding my clothes tightly; out of modesty for Umar.
Nada realized that she was in front of a balanced personality who was raised in a strange upbringing, and she realized - despite that - that the concept of sex in Islam is completely different from its concept under contemporary materialism.
Aisha continued:
- The Messenger of Allah, who spoke about the relationship between spouses with etiquette to teach people, and does not hesitate about what is permissible, is the same one who was shy for women to enter into details; a woman once asked him in front of me about her purification from menstruation, so he told her how to bathe, then said: "Take a piece of musk - meaning a piece of wool or cotton - and purify yourself with it," she said: "How do I purify myself?" He said: "Purify yourself with it." She said: "How?" He said: "Glory be to Allah! Purify yourself!" The Messenger of Allah was too shy to tell her: Put it on the exit of the blood, so I pulled the woman towards me and said to her: Follow the trace of the blood with it.
Showing Weakness
Nada said to herself: Shadi is too proud to show his weakness in front of me, but instead, he investigates me when he is exposed to what shows him as weak, so she asked:
- Did the Messenger of Allah avoid showing his weakness in front of you?
- Rather, when he fell ill with the illness of his death - peace be upon him - he asked his wives for permission to be treated in my house...
Here, Aisha's voice trembled, she gathered her breath with difficulty, then continued:
- The Messenger of Allah -peace be upon him- died in my house on my chest, between my chest and my neck. My brother Abdur-Rahman bin Abi Bakr had entered upon us before him with a siwak, so the Messenger of Allah looked at it, and I felt that he wanted to use it, so I took the siwak, chewed it, and prepared it for him, then I gave it to the Prophet, so he brushed his teeth with it in the best manner I had ever seen him brush his teeth, then he tried to raise the siwak to me, but his hand fell, so I started to supplicate for him with a supplication that Jibril used to supplicate for him, and he used to supplicate with it when he was ill, but he did not supplicate with it in that illness, so he raised his gaze to the sky and said: "The highest companion." Then his soul departed, praise be to Allah who gathered my saliva and his saliva on the last day of the world.
- Did you ask to be buried next to him?
- I wished for that, but I preferred Umar; when Umar was stabbed, they came to me while I was crying, and it was said to me: Umar bin Al-Khattab asks permission to be buried with his two companions, meaning my husband and my father (Abu Bakr), my husband - the Messenger of Allah - and my father, so I said: By Allah, I wanted it for myself, and I would prefer it over myself today.
Loyalty and Memory
- I no longer care about Shadi's interests, I have started to deliberately oppose him in everything, and I do not want to resemble him in anything, so she asked: Do you miss your husband, the Messenger of Allah?
- He is alive in my being, and I keep his memory alive in me by talking about him, his words, his movements, his silences, his facial features... I have absorbed his knowledge and wisdom, and I feel his pure breaths between my ribs when I convey his knowledge, the details of his life, and I have become, thanks to marrying him, a mother to all the believers, even if I did not give birth from my womb, billions of Muslims - until the Day of Judgment - love me and seek forgiveness for me, and they walk with the light that I bequeathed to them. So now my greatest concern is to meet my beloved again in Paradise; I do as he used to do: he was the most generous of people, and I walk on his path and on the path of my father, after I used to demand more provision from the Prophet one day, now I spend and I almost do not keep anything for myself. The Messenger of Allah said: "And indeed, the most beloved of deeds to Allah is that which is continuous, even if it is little," so now if I do a deed, I adhere to it and persist in it.
The Stable Psyche
Nada said to herself: My psyche with Shadi is tired, even though I am a psychiatrist. Nada hesitated to ask Aisha about her psyche to compare it with her condition; it would seem like a funny question while she sees this distinguished personality, about whom her nephew Urwa bin Az-Zubair said: "I accompanied Aisha and I never saw anyone who was more knowledgeable about a verse that was revealed, or about an obligation, or about a tradition, or about poetry or more eloquent in it - meaning poetry -, or about a day of the days of the Arabs, or about lineage, or about such and such... or about judgment, or medicine from her!"
So I said to her: O aunt, from where did you learn medicine?
- She said: I used to fall ill, so the thing would be prescribed to me - meaning for treatment -, and the patient would fall ill, so it would be prescribed to him, and I would hear people describing each other, so I would memorize it.
Conclusion of the Story
The interview ended. It was one o'clock in the night when Nada realized that she had spent consecutive hours flipping through the biography without noticing. She closed the book, stunned and amazed. Who is this Prophet who made a small room bustling with thousands of beautiful situations and memories in this way? Who is this Prophet who created from a girl this strong, beloved, balanced, confident, and composed personality!
Nada closed the book, got up from the study room, and passed through the spacious hallways of her house. She felt cold even though she was wrapped in her luxurious coat, as the heating was off in the house for a while because Shadi hadn't brought solar energy after it ran out - he hadn't brought the fuel after it ran out - hoping that Nada would pay from her money, and she, in turn, was ignoring his desire because she felt that this was his greed. Nada passed by the kitchen. She glanced at the table: traces of a meal that Shadi had eaten and didn't bring her a meal. She reached her bedroom, the bracelet was still on the bedside table waiting for Shadi to fix it. He was asleep, snoring, with his mobile phone in his hand. Nada stretched out on the bed, and wished that the interview hadn't ended, and that she had lived as Aisha had lived.
This is the story of Nada, a story that represents many women of today. I presented it to a group of brothers and sisters, and one of them said: "I have been working for a long time in family counseling," "and I can tell you that the twenty-three problems you mentioned" "summarize what I see from the problems of husbands today."
Lessons Learned
The amazing thing - brothers and sisters - is that contemporary materialistic ignorance, which has deprived women of their comfort and happiness, and wasted their dignity, makes the Prophet's marriage to Aisha a "suspicion"! Because of her young age at marriage. And how surprising it is that filth prevails over purity and the failure is blamed for success. It is amazing that we - Muslims - accept calling the most successful and beautiful marriage a "suspicion," putting it in the category of suspicions and then defending it. And it was incumbent upon us to ask from the beginning: where is the problem specifically so that we can respond to it? And by what right - those who object - do you assume that we surrender to your standards?
It is amazing that we allow the enemy - who defeats us militarily in every dirty way - to allow him to defeat us psychologically and occupy our minds and souls, so here we are judging our religion, history, and the Sunnah of our Prophet with the standards of our enemies! When you accept classifying something from your religion as a "suspicion," you have lost half the battle, and when you try to defend it with the standards of your enemy, you have lost the other half.
Aisha was married by the Prophet at a young age and worked on what she had in terms of components, shaping from her the most beautiful feminine personality, the most balanced, reassuring, powerful, and confident personality, the most faithful, content, and guided personality. He filled her with knowledge and self-composure at a young age, then God extended her life after him, so she remained a beacon spreading knowledge to the worlds until the Day of Judgment.
Our goal in this story was not to discuss the marriage of young girls in any of our times and circumstances, nor to address the issue of the Prophet's marriage to Aisha when she was young, and to present all that has been responded to those who object to this marriage, but rather we wanted to shed light on the psychological aspect that Aisha was shaped in the house of prophethood, and the treatment she received, to see the reality of modern ignorance and its mouthpieces who assassinated the woman and her psyche, then went on to prevail over the purest and most beautiful model in the story of Muhammad and Aisha.
The Prophet's marriage to Aisha is a source of pride and honor with which we boast to the stray nations, we teach humanity from ignorance and guide it from deviation, and we erase with it the traces of contemporary ignorance in families and societies. We ask Allah to make our lives in our families like the life of the Messenger of Allah with Aisha.
Peace be upon you and the mercy of Allah.