Episode 7 - Islam and Hitting Women
Islam and Hitting Women: A Correct Understanding of a Misunderstood Concept
Peter and Julie were living a happy life together, but Julie's temperament began to change recently. She started to deal with Peter with irritability. Peter understood her and appreciated that it might be temporary emotional fluctuations, but Julie continued her irritability and began to treat Peter with disrespect; she deliberately ruined their relationship without reason. Peter spoke to her kindly and reminded her of the beautiful days between them, but Julie's behavior worsened. Peter avoided her and began to treat her with some coldness so that she would come to her senses.
However, Julie's behavior worsened, and she began to chase Peter, screaming in his face: "I hate you, I won't listen to you, you mean nothing to me." She did not give him a chance to avoid her, and their lives were in danger. Peter controlled himself so that he would not act out of irritability, for he loved Julie and did not want their relationship to end. He only wanted to wake her up from this rebellion. While he was controlling his temper and Julie was screaming at him, Peter hit his hands on her arms, shook her, and said to her, "That's enough, Julie, stop please, this is enough." Here, Julie cried and threw herself on Peter, so he calmed her down and wiped her tears. Julie calmed down afterwards, and they returned to their happy life.
The romantic scene of Peter and Julie is actually the legal scene in emergency cases in Islam, as an exceptional solution to what may arise in some families. The terrifying scene of Abu Zaabal and Fathiya is the scene that actually happens in the West outside the walls of Hollywood, and it is what leads to forbidden romantic relationships.
But when Islam is not applied at the level of states and not applied at the level of the general Muslims, and when the devils of humans and jinn work day and night to distort Islam and beautify modern ignorance, the concepts are inverted, and the mental images become completely reversed.
We are here today to awaken the Muslims, husbands and wives, not to defend deviant practices among Muslims, nor to compare the morals of Muslims with the morals of other nations. Although if we were to make this comparison on everything we have, they would not appear better than us, by the way. However, we are here today to draw together the correct Islamic standard, to see the beauty of our religion. When we come to solve our problems, we do not go to solve them by imitating the West or the East, but by returning to the speech of our Lord and the Sunnah of our Prophet - peace be upon him.
Come, brothers and sisters, let us format our personalities, let us get rid of any mental image that has been accumulated and seeped into our subconscious over the years from the media and the bad applications in our societies, from the unrealistic films and songs. And let us see together what Islam is, and what ignorance is in relation to the issue of hitting women. The standard of Islam is preserved in the verses and hadiths, about which we will speak, not about the Muslims who have deviated from the standard.
The Basis of the Marital Relationship: Kindness and Goodness
In Islam, "And live with them in kindness" [An-Nisa':19]. Your Lord commands you to be kind to your wife and treat her kindly. What does this mean by kindness? Go and ask our mother Aisha - may Allah be pleased with her - who said about her husband - peace be upon him - that his character was the Quran. Ask her about the beautiful gestures that filled their lives, which we mentioned dozens of them in the episode (Nada complains to Aisha). You feed your wife with your hand, this is from the Sunnah. Our Prophet - peace be upon him - said: "And you will not spend a spending but you will be rewarded for it, even the morsel you raise to the mouth of your wife" (Sahih al-Bukhari), meaning: to the mouth of your wife.
You drink with your wife from the same cup, this is close to what your Prophet - peace be upon him - used to do when Aisha was menstruating, he would take the cup, put his mouth where her mouth was, and drink. The dryness of family relationships is not from Islam, the desertification that many husbands live is not from Islam. If only you would compare, compare Islam as in the Quran and the Sunnah, not the Muslims.
In Islam, "And they have rights similar to those over them in kindness" [Al-Baqarah: 228]. You have on your husband similar to what he has on you, he must adorn you and consider your feelings, and not betray you just as it is expected of you as well. This is the basis of marital relationships.
Solutions to Marital Problems in Islam
Okay, a woman did not behave in a good manner, Islam reminds the husband to preserve affection and be patient, "And live with them in kindness. But if you dislike them, perhaps you dislike a thing and Allah makes therein much good" [An-Nisa': 19]. The woman persisted and worked to destroy her home. What do you want, O daughter of the people? I do not want you. Okay, then divorce her. Return her dowry or part of it and separate, for marriage is not a prison with no escape. She does not want the divorce and is insistent on making life difficult. The husband has the option of divorce. Conscious divorce, which has detailed conditions as a solution, not as revenge. And even divorce must be a divorce with kindness, "Divorce is twice. Then, either keep her in an acceptable manner or release her with kindness" [Al-Baqarah: 229], meaning dealing with the woman is between kindness and goodness, "So provide for them and release them in a beautiful manner" [Al-Ahzab: 49]. Islam is beautiful in everything, even in times of dispute, even if she wronged you and mistreated you. This relationship ends with kindness and beauty, not like the many disappointments spread among Muslims unfortunately. From the art of debauchery in divorce from the couple and their families.
Okay, the husband does not consider it trivial to end this relationship, he hears the saying of our Lord, Glorified and Exalted be He: "And do not forget the favor between you" [Al-Baqarah: 239]. And preserve for your wife the sweet memories, and fear for the children and their scattering, and fear for your wife herself that she will regret after she destroys her home with her own hands. Islamic solutions come here.
Rebellion and Legal Solutions
"Righteous women are therefore obedient, guarding in secret that which Allah has guarded" [An-Nisa': 34]. This is the basis. This is the normal marital life in Islam, a respected, righteous woman who guards herself and her home in the absence of her husband. Yes, but there are always abnormal cases, "And those of whom you fear rebellion" [An-Nisa': 34]. There is rebellion to be feared of its consequences; rebellion, harm, and disrespect for the entity of the family. What is the solution? "Admonish them" [An-Nisa': 34]. Did you not see Peter when he was admonishing Julie? The husband admonishes his wife and reminds her of the right of Allah and the consequences of this rebellion on everyone.
"And abandon them in their beds" [An-Nisa': 34]. There is no marital relationship to avoid its bitterness, to shorten the evil, and because he is forced to show her a kind of coldness. If this does not work, what should be done? "And beat them" [An-Nisa': 34]. Beating as revenge and excess? No, it is forbidden by consensus; because even beating has its regulations, manners, kindness, and beauty, just as in divorce.
Did you not hear the saying of your Prophet - peace be upon him -: "Verily, Allah has prescribed kindness in everything" (Sahih Muslim) in everything, including emergency beating. Did you not hear the saying of your Prophet: "Kindness was not in anything but it adorned it, and it was not removed from anything but it disgraced it" (Sahih al-Jami'), so even emergency beating must be a kind beating.
Manners and Regulations of Lawful Discipline
How do we understand the manners of beautiful, kind, and gentle discipline? Initially, you will find in the practical Sunnah of the Prophet dozens of examples of kind gestures in dealing with people. However, you will not find how he disciplined his wife, as his wife Aisha said: "The Messenger of Allah (peace be upon him) never struck a woman with his hand, nor a servant, nor did he ever strike anything with his hand except in the cause of Allah" (Sahih - Takhrij al-Musnad). However, he (peace be upon him) set boundaries for this discipline that must not be crossed.
Of course, the sweet little Western chicks, the true biotars, and the Muslims who have migrated for their religion (Abu Za'blat), the first thing they do when a dispute arises is to strike the face. A humiliating slap rings in her ear. It is forbidden by Sharia to approach the face. Our Prophet (peace be upon him) said: "Do not strike the face, nor insult, nor abandon except in the house" (Sahih al-Musnad - authenticated by al-Wada'i and Ahmad Shaker). The face is a place of honor, and you do not want to humiliate her, but to set a limit for her and awaken her from her mistake. And do not insult, meaning it is forbidden to say to her "May Allah make you ugly," meaning may Allah make you ugly, no, it is haram. Where are you, O Messenger of Allah? If you had seen not only "May Allah make you ugly" but also cursing and humiliating speech, and this is haram, of course, primarily. What about those who curse her family and the family of her family, and the heavy disappointments that happen, which Islam is innocent of.
The discipline mentioned in the verse is not the discipline of a man who is out of control, but the discipline of a balanced, wise man who controls his nerves and sets a limit for the mistake with this discipline. Our Prophet said: "Do not abandon except in the house" (Sahih al-Musnad - authenticated by al-Wada'i and Ahmad Shaker), meaning: it is not permissible for you to punish her by making her leave the house. Well, she is being difficult and has not left me in my state... Even so, there are other options to bury the problem. As for the option of abandonment outside the house, it causes loneliness for your wife and increases the estrangement between you.
Is it permissible for the discipline to be painful in order to discipline her? No, never; our Prophet (peace be upon him) said: "Except that they come with a clear immorality, then if they do so, abandon them in the beds and discipline them with a non-painful discipline. If they obey you, then do not seek a way against them" (At-Tirmidhi - Hasan Sahih). So, it is forbidden to strike the face, it is forbidden with cursing and insults, it is forbidden to strike painfully, in the case of the husband's anger and lack of control, it is forbidden. What remains then? It remains like Peter's strike to Julie.
The Purpose of Lawful Discipline
What is the purpose of this discipline if it is not for revenge or retaliation? It is required that she returns to her senses and stops her rebellion. If this purpose is achieved, is it permissible for the husband to continue, even with a slap on the arms like Peter's? Of course not, because the purpose has been achieved: "But if they obey you, then seek not a way against them. Indeed, Allah is Ever Exalted in Might and Ever Great in Punishment" [An-Nisa: 34]. As soon as the purpose is achieved, it is forbidden to raise your hand against her and remember that Allah is Ever Exalted in Might and Ever Great in Punishment, capable of taking revenge on her from you in this world or in the Hereafter, and then things return to what is known, goodness, and kindness, and the kind gestures that the Messenger of kindness, Muhammad (peace be upon him), taught us. This is the speech that the evidence of the Quran and the Sunnah indicated.
Scholars' Views on Lawful Discipline
Did the Muslim scholars in previous centuries understand this understanding? I could bring you statements from scholars who are considered reliable - but they do not represent the majority of scholars - statements in which they inclined towards the prohibition of discipline, or permitting it in some social environments and not in others. However, it is not our methodology to bring statements that agree with people's desires as if we are hiding something from them. Rather, we will mention to you here some statements of scholars that we see represent their majority; statements of jurists from reliable schools of thought.
Ibn Shas, from the Maliki jurists, said in "Iqd al-Jawahir": "If it is overwhelming in his mind that she will not leave the rebellion except with a frightening discipline, it is not permissible to punish her at all"; "It is not permissible to punish her at all" means: if nothing works with her except frightening discipline, it is not permissible for the husband to punish her; neither with frightening discipline nor with less than that, because the matter is not a matter of punishment or a great sin, but rather discipline for the mistake. If she does not discipline herself, then there is no benefit in discipline; so do not discipline her.
What is the solution? There are other options: "Then send forth from his family a judge and from her family a judge" [An-Nisa: 35]. There is divorce, khula, but discipline? No, if the lawful discipline will not benefit.
Ibn 'Arafa, from the Malikis, said in "al-Sharh al-Kabir": "If he is certain or thinks that it will not benefit (i.e., the abandonment), he should discipline her if he is certain of its benefit or thinks it will benefit, not if he doubts it." Meaning, discipline if it is overwhelming in his mind or confirmed that it is beneficial, not if he doubts its benefit. This is from the Madhhab of the Malikis.
As for the Hanbalis, al-Bahuti said in "Kashf al-Qina'": "The best is to leave disciplining her to preserve affection." Meaning, even if she deserves to be disciplined, the best is to leave the discipline.
From the Shafi'is, Ibn Hajar al-Haytami said in "Tuhfat al-Muhtaj": "If it is known that it will not benefit, it is forbidden." Meaning, all the talk - O brothers - is about conscious, educational discipline with one purpose: correcting the mistake, and preserving this house and the relationship between the spouses.
Disciplining the Wife for Abandoning Prayer
What if the wife neglects not only the rights of the husband but also the rights of Allah - the Most High? "Ibn Hane' asked Imam Ahmad ibn Hanbal about a man whose wife does not pray, should he discipline her? Imam Ahmad said: Yes, he should discipline her with a gentle, non-painful discipline; perhaps she will return." This is while the husband wants to obligate her with the right of Allah and with the most important pillar of Islam: prayer.
You will say here: Who is Peter and who is Julie, my uncle? The reality is completely different; many husbands discipline like Abu Za'blat! So I say to you for the thousandth time: the reality is different, a great disappointment for many Muslims and their distance from their religion, not because the Sharia commanded this discipline.
You will say: But the Sharia's permission for discipline will certainly lead to the misuse of this legislation by husbands. I say to you: The beating of women spread in the past and present, in ancient and modern ignorance, in the West and the East, in the most materially advanced societies and the least advanced, in frightening proportions, and in horrific forms. But Islam came and originally prohibited this discipline, and restricted it to emergency cases and removed its motives in these cases from revenge and retaliation, aggression and bullying, to discipline and preservation of the relationship. And Islam made the discipline of the rebellious, erring wife exclusively. And even in this case, it set manners for it to make it a discipline of kindness and goodness like Peter's discipline to Julie.
Why Beating and Not Divorce Directly?
Alright, why does he beat her in the first place? Just divorce her and that's it! This -my dear- is when there is a disregard for the entity of the family, as the modern ignorance seeks to destroy homes, demolish families, and raise children according to what the international system wants, and then spend their desires in fornication and perversion. Do you mean to say that it's okay, let the wife bear it even if her husband exceeds all these ethics; beating her on her face, insulting her, hurting her, insulting her family, and then the right of the woman is gone? And we tell her to wait for the Hereafter and Paradise! We tell you, my friend: no, her right will not be lost neither in this world nor in the Hereafter in the Islamic system, but Islam provides solutions for these cases.
Islam did not leave the matter to the husband's strength alone, but if some husbands misuse this beating, they are punished by the authority of the Sharia as well. Misuse does not invalidate the Sharia ruling itself of permitting beating, if a doctor neglects and harms his patients, we do not say that all medicine is wrong, but this doctor is punished for his negligence
The Historical Application of Islam and the Reality of Violence
Someone will come and say: "Brother, theory upon theory! Does this talk succeed in reality?!" Yes, come let us see the application in reality of when Islam was actually implemented. We have seen from the Quran, from the Sunnah, from the sayings of the scholars, and now come let us see history... When there was a complete Islamic system, was the misuse of beating widespread? Did the verses produce for us a beaten, complex, weak-willed woman? Who is this complex woman?! The teacher of the nation, our mother Aisha - may Allah be pleased with her - or Safiyya al-Shubbani, or Ahmad ibn Hanbal, or Khadijah Khatoon, or the mother of Muhammad the Conqueror, or the mothers of the soldiers who trampled the crowns of Kisra and Caesar and brought the people from the worship of slaves to the worship of the Lord of the slaves. The mothers in whom the truth is verified that behind every great man is a woman, and those who had other varied achievements we will talk about later, with the permission of Allah.
The books of history recorded those stages with their details. Have you heard in them about the phenomenon of beating women? If this is the situation of beating in the Quran, Sunnah, jurisprudence, and history, then where does the image of (Abu Za'abl and Fathiya) jump into our minds from? It jumps to us from the brainwashing over the years through films that come with the blind Hajj who beats his wife and says to her, "Take yourself to the house of obedience. Allah said... The Messenger of Allah said..." Then behold, the sons of Hajj find him in a nightclub with a dancer! It jumps to us from distorted practices by the Muslims themselves; and the truthful one said: "The enemies do not reach from an ignorant what the ignorant reaches from himself."
It jumps to us from clips that the enemies of humanity work on day and night to distort Islam. Do you know where the image of (Abu Za'abl beating Fathiya) came from? From a video spread on YouTube sponsored by European institutions, and the clip encourages the Muslim girl who is sexually inclined towards girls like her, encourages her to rebel against her Muslim family and meet with the officials who will protect her from her evil father, and allow her to live safely with her lesbian lover like her.
Societies in which women are psychologically distorted; they have been affected by the complex of the man's humiliation of the woman, his domination over her, his assault on her, and his harassment of her in their societies, so they have been affected by the complex of feminism and have resorted to perversion to boycott the male gender, and they want to transfer their complexes to you - O Muslim woman - and make you hate your religion.
Objections to Legal Beating and Responses to Them
Some women are not pleased with all this talk; she says: Even if she is rebellious, even if she is defiant, even if from a wise, rational husband - as you say - even if with manners, kindness, and goodness, even if under the care of a Muslim state that punishes the oppressive husband, even if the woman in Islamic history was noble and a source of honor; I object! Object to what?! The husband has no right to beat his wife, and this is an injustice to the woman. We say to her: Yes! The verse hurts you because you put yourself in the category of those who fear their rebellion; meaning as if you are saying: No! I want to rebel and destroy my home and no one bothers me! Like the one who says I want to steal and drink alcohol and objects to the Sharia that punishes me for this; and the one who has a stone on his head feels it.
Do you not see - madam - that you are still influenced by stereotypes and psychological complexes or that you have a kind of deification; the idea of the deified woman - which we talked about in the previous episode - no, the woman is not beaten, not punished, not touched no matter how much she misbehaves; as if she is a goddess who is not accountable for what she does! The same deified woman was in harmony, her eyes glistening from the scene of (Peter and Julie), and she might have wished - as well - to be in Julie's place so that the handsome Peter would shake her, and say to her: "That's enough, Julie! Stop, please!" Or she might not even mind if Peter slapped her from the context of the lover's beating, and her heart is like honey.
The same youth and young women who were angry when I cut off their romantic moments in the scene of Peter and Julie did not care much whether Peter and Julie's relationship was haram or halal, but on the contrary; because the idea of marriage has been distorted in the minds of many of our youth and young women, so they might sympathize more with the scene of lovers than with the scene of a married couple.
Take heed, O youth! And take heed, O girls! Forbidden relationships are ugly, repulsive, and miserable, and what beautifies them are things outside of them; the devil's adornment: the beauty of the actor and actress, the makeup, and the music. As for the haram itself, it is very ugly and repulsive. You can - even if you are less beautiful - make your life beautiful and gentle, surrounded by goodness and halal romance if you follow the guidance of your Prophet, peace be upon him.
The Bitter Reality of Violence Outside of Islam
Peter and Julie - listen up, youth - their story doesn't end with a romantic shake and embrace like in the movies. Real endings are what we've told you about in the episode on the liberation of Western women, with official Western statistics. When Julie becomes the worst and gets pregnant by Peter against Islamic law because she intentionally didn't take contraceptive pills and ends up with a child, while he only wants sexual pleasure and no responsibility, or when Peter finds out she's cheating on him with another guy, or when Peter is drunk, high, or a drug addict, he won't gently and rationally shake her. Instead, he'll give her a romantic box and a slap, the romantic box that Hollywood hides from you.
If we've come to you with official statistics that one in every four women experiences severe violence from their intimate partner, what about the percentage of women who are slapped, insulted, and degraded but don't reach the level of severe violence to be included in the one in four statistic? What is the percentage of these degraded women? Most women experience some form of degradation and devaluation in the West. Come now, let us show you some examples of what happens outside the walls of Hollywood. Come, let us show you the unpublished part of romantic stories. Come, let us show you examples of what happens to millions of women according to official statistics:
This is Abbie, whose intimate partner smashed the TV screen on the back of her head and repeatedly hit her in the face. This is Jade, whose intimate partner punched her, dragged her in the street, and continued beating her while under the influence of alcohol and cocaine. This is Melissa from the University of South Florida in America, who was with her intimate partner one day when he drank a lot of alcohol and whiskey, then started beating her, threw her on the ground, and kicked her with his foot. Then he dragged her by her hair around the room and hit her with a bottle in her face, opening a wound. This is Megan in Ohio, America, who was drinking with her intimate partner during a New Year's celebration in 2019 when suddenly her intimate partner hit her, and she kicked him back, and he then beat her until she fainted. This is Britney, who was hit after an argument with a man - I mean a male, not a man - in a nightclub in Australia. This is the British woman Carrie, who was hit by her husband three days after giving birth to a new baby, meaning she was at her weakest. This is Carly from Indianapolis, America, whose intimate partner shattered her, causing fractures in her skull and severe bites on her body, and tried to pull out her tongue after an argument between them. This is Angela from Tennessee, America, whose intimate partner beat her because she dared to ask for a separation after a six-month relationship.
These are samples of the tragedies that happen to millions annually. The sister who asked me to get some pictures and write a brief about them told me: I am fine, I was able to get these cases, but I cannot look at these horrors any more. By the way, almost all these women and girls have romantic pictures with their intimate partners before being beaten. Movies and songs show you the first half of the story but don't show you the continuation of the story, which is violence that first goes to the face for humiliation and degradation, violence that breaks bones and teeth and opens wounds, and kills to the extent that marches come out in Europe. What about what happens in poor environments where poverty and hardship prevail.
After the episode on the liberation of women, one of the brothers commented that he was walking in the street in Germany and saw a man walking who saw a woman and hit her in the face and continued on his way. The brother said to his companion: How can he do that? His companion replied: Didn't she want equality with men? Let her defend herself; no one will defend her. Where is the idea that she complains to the police and they come and search for the man, and her right is lost underfoot.
In contrast, the Prophet's society and the virtuous societies after him, which were based on (Fālassāliḥātu qānitātun) [An-Nisa':34] and (Wa'āshirūhunna bil-ma'rūfi) [An-Nisa':19] and (La tu'addī al-mar'atu ḥaqqahā rabbihā ḥattā tu'addī ḥaqqahā ẓawjihā) (Ḥasan Ṣaḥīḥ - Al-Targhīb wa Al-Tarhīb) and (Khayrukum khayrukum li-ahlihi) (Al-Ṭabarī - Ṣaḥīḥ). What was the result there? Domestic violence and beating of women? Have you heard or read in history books - which recorded that era in detail - about women whose bones or teeth were broken? Or who were left with disabilities? As happens with those who transgress against our religion and claim they want to save women from it.
Conclusion: A Call for Correct Understanding
Now that we know the beauty of our religion and how ignorant we are of it, and how women suffer in modern Western Jahiliyyah and partial Jahiliyyah in Muslim societies, we have the right to learn our religion and spread awareness of these issues in our nation so that when incidents of assault on women occur, we are the first to stand up for the woman and demand her rights in the name of Islam. Let the crows and the crows not come out to blame Islam and demand the eradication of the remaining part of it.
Our religion is great and beautiful. But we are the ones who need to understand it. So go, O noble one, whom Allah has honored with Islam, and read the book of your Lord while you have good thoughts about His wisdom, justice, and mercy. Peace be upon you.