Just a Nanny?
Peace be upon you
Why go through the trouble of
having children in the first place?
Is it just to be 'normal'
like everyone else?
Are children really a
blessing when —as kids—
they are a source of
exhaustion and tension
Then, when they grow up a bit
they live in their own
world, away from me
and when they became independent
they leave the house and
leave me to sorrow, depression and
a strained relationship with my
husband; on their account?
Is it sensible to send
my children to school
—even if I feel that it
doesn't do its part—
just to take a few hours break
from their racket
and care for myself a little?
You say that one of the most
important jobs for a woman
is raising her children.
So, am I just a nanny?!
Should most of my abilities,
strength, time, and talent
be spent on parenting?
Isn't it enough that I put my children
in a school that costs a fortune?
To fulfill my duty towards my children,
what aspects of education
should I look for in a school
—before enrolling them—
to ensure that educational goals are met?
What's the story of the
two doctors who used to
give cancer patients salt and water?
And what does that
have to do with parenting?
You warn us about video games
and mobile phones
where kids can view what they wish.
How do I fill their
free time then?
Do I, personally, have to fill all their
free time and forget about myself?
What if I don't find fulfillment in
serving my husband and children
but find it in volunteer, educational,
and even Da'wah (advocacy) work?
Aren't these noble goals?
My husband does not help
me in raising our children.
Is it fair that I endure
the burden alone?
I tried to reform my child,
but he deviated and strayed,
and I am disheartened and sad.
What should I do?
Why is parenting seemingly
intense and not easy?
Shouldn't it be simpler
as "Every child is born on Fitra..."?
(Agreed Upon)
The story starts as follows:
Allah created creation for a purpose:
Servitude to Allah in its comprehensive
sense, which we discussed last time
This servitude needs honorable souls
as expressed in the honorary
welcoming celebration of Man,
the prostration of angels
and subjecting everything to Man's service
"And He has subjected for
you all that is in the heavens
and all that is on earth; all from Him.
Indeed, there are signs in this
for people who reflect."
(Quran Translated Meaning 45:13)
Everything is for you and at your service
to achieve the goal of your existence:
Servitude to Allah in
its comprehensive sense
You will need to acquire honor and dignity
to elevate your soul to work
toward the great goal and achieve
the glory, empowerment and vicegerency
befitting of the champions of Allah
Therefore: "Whoever accepts guidance,
it is only for his own good..."
(Quran Translated Meaning 17:15)
You will reap the benefit
of self-reform as well as
eternal bliss in Paradise.
In contrast
those who are heedless
about the purpose of their existence
and who forget Allah
are deprived of this honor
"Do not be like those who forgot Allah,
so He made them forget themselves..."
(Quran Translated meaning 59:19)
He made them forget to benefit
themselves through purification
and self-development into a human
working towards a great purpose!
When I consider that
the goal of my existence is servitude
to Allah
and the blessings that follow;
all my actions will be directed
towards achieving this goal;
even innate behavior such as
marriage and childbirth
The beauty of servitude to Allah
is that it amplifies our instinctive joy
in the blessing of children
"And those who say,
'Our Lord, let our spouses and
children be a source of joy for us,
and make us good examples
for the righteous.'”
(QTM 25:74)
A source of joy in
this life and the next
as opposed to those who forgot Allah
and saw this joy turn into torture!
"So do not let their wealth
or their children impress you.
Allah only intends to punish
them through them in worldly life
and that their souls should depart
while they are disbelievers."
(Quran Translated Meaning 9:55)
My children will carry on
my legacy after I die,
“...or a virtuous descendant
who prays for him” (Muslim)
For them to be thus,
I must raise them as honorable humans;
as Allah wants them to be
This is parenting!
All that makes my children's
upbringing the focus of my attention
and my most important project!
The problem starts
dear viewers
when we forget our great purpose
of servitude to Allah
Since this episode is part of a series
dedicated to you, Muslim woman
we will focus on you
and your role in parenting
because it's within the area of
'success in the basics'
before you seek self-fulfillment
and success in other areas;
thus straying away from the basics
and priorities (discussed earlier)
Parenting is a shared
responsibility between the spouses
What if the father falls short?
We will address that
But now
we're addressing you, sister
For many women the word:
Parenting
does not impress them
"Parenting?!
My children go to school and I made sure
to enrol them in conservative schools
with relatively safe environments.
They will get the same upbringing I got.
What more should I do?!"
Let's review together
what 'parenting' means
then see whether your child is really
receiving it from schools or society
1. Parenting means raising your
children on the concepts of modesty,
chivalry, bravery, mercy, dignity,
honor, rejection of injustice,
anger for the sake of Allah,
guardianship of sanctities,
forbidding evil
and strength of character;
values that this world tries to destroy
by any means possible:
in schools, media, cartoons, video games
etc. which contain deliberate insinuations
to destroy modesty and promote violence
2. Parenting means teaching your children
how to think, ask the right questions
and express themselves;
how to differentiate
real knowledge from fake;
how to critique the concepts
presented to them;
how to identify the
fallacies used by fabricators
to make them doubt their religion;
and how to verify information
3. Parenting means helping your
children discover themselves,
develop their strengths
and then set goals that match
their abilities and circumstances
and contribute to
the glory of the Ummah;
teaching your children to be themselves:
Accept yourself and do not
adopt the personalities of others.
Don't feel like a failure if you don't
achieve what others have achieved.
Don't set goals that don't suit you,
as everyone has their own personality.
Otherwise, your child
will not be satisfied or happy
4. Parenting means guiding your children
to answers for
the major existential questions:
Who am I? Who created me?
What's my fate?
What's the purpose of my existence?
Why am I Muslim?
What's the evidence that
the Quran is from Allah?
What's the evidence for Muhammad’s
prophethood, Peace be upon him?
How were the Quran and Sunnah
—which are my references— preserved?
5. Parenting means that your
child doesn't reach the age of 22
—after 18 of schools and universities—
without knowing the
answers to these questions
or even knowing how to think;
that he isn't so easily influenced
that one absurd article or video
can move him away from religion
His discussions are shallow
and lack the basic elements
for correct reasoning,
rational debate or scientific criticism
He's under the foolish impression
that he's
'educated' because he's an engineer,
doctor, or professor!!
6. Parenting means
connecting your children
to the true role models
in Islamic history,
educating them about
the Ummah's history
and developing pride
in their deep roots
instead of blindly
parroting adulterers, drunkards
and the lost social media influencers
in clothes, haircuts and mannerisms
7. Parenting is teaching your children
to ask 'why' before any action
and not follow meekly and blindly
like lambs
8. Parenting is instilling in your
child an awareness of all inputs
so they become alert
to the media's tricks
and attempts to reformulate
their paradigms and values!
I remember how my father
may Allah have mercy on him
used to raise our awareness
by discussing some of what we watched
and what impact it had on us!
8. Parenting means endearing
—to your children—
the pursuit of beneficial
knowledge in all areas,
the love of books and watching
educational series. Let their motto be:
"Strive for what benefits you."
(Muslim)
They will feel mentally
and spiritually fulfilled
instead of the emptiness that
drives them to follow trivial YouTubers,
become addicted to illicit clips or
live in the fantasy world of video games
10. Parenting means igniting
your children's enthusiasm
to learn what's required
to master modern-day tools
and become successful
and influential Muslims
This includes technology,
financial management, persuasion skills,
leadership skills and teamwork
11. Parenting means connecting
your children with righteous companions,
and actively soliciting
good friends for them
—even if you need to establish
relationships with their mothers—
to provide a safe
environment for your children
12. Parenting means teaching
your children the rights, duties
and priorities of every family member
—which we'll discuss, Allah willing—
such as teaching your son to be dutiful
to his brothers and kind to his sister
13. Parenting means raising your children
on solemnity and responsibility,
to expect pain in life,
to endure it with patience and acceptance,
and that they are not here in this life
for rest and relaxation;
as it is a place for trials
not rewards
14. Parenting means connecting
your child with the Quran
and developing his/her ability to
understand it and use its guidance
which requires you to develop
their love of the Arabic language
15. Parenting means
teaching your children that
the Law of Allah is the
reference for every believer
and that they shouldn't acknowledge
any other reference
in a time when many are trying to
restrict Allah's religion to limited rituals;
while human desires are
sanctified and glorified!
16. Parenting means ensuring that
your children's greatest value
is upholding the Oneness
of Allah, glorifying Him,
loving Him and his messenger
above all else,
and avoiding what
subverts Allah's Oneness
17. Parenting means
instilling in your children
a sense of belonging to the Muslim
Ummah and concern about its issues
and teaching them to translate
this concern into positive action;
not despair or frustration
18. Parenting is building close
relationships with your children
based on love, trust and care,
listening to their problems
and befriending them
Otherwise, you will not be able
to achieve the goals we mentioned
19. Parenting is understanding
the specific needs of your
child at every age level
and using age-appropriate methods:
stories, games, group activities, etc.
20. Parenting means helping your
children solve the problems
they face as they
develop their characters
with even more care than you give
to treat their physical illnesses
21. Parenting means
being a real-life model
who represents all these values
before expecting them from her children
A genuine teardrop of emotion
while reading the Quran
or remembering the Prophet
Peace & Blessings be upon him
will touch your children's hearts
more than any religious lesson in school
Insisting that your children pray Fajr
more than your insistence
that they get up for school
will build reverence
for Allah in their hearts
and make Allah
foremost in their lives
Fulfilling your duties
in their father's presence and absence
will teach them to be
mindful of Allah's Watchfulness
Your piety and
service to your parents...
Reading useful books in front of
your children and with them
—not limiting yourself to social media—
will get them into the reading habit
You won't need to fill
your children's time yourself
once you've set their feet
on the right path
In conclusion, parenting means
raising a human with a goal:
Establishing servitude in
its comprehensive sense
to achieve virtue in
this life and the next
Do you now know the meaning of parenting?
Of raising a human being?
Do you know the meaning of:
“...she is responsible for her charge.”?
and the meaning of our Prophet's
words, as related by Bukhari,
—a frightening Hadith that makes
you feel the gravity of responsibility—
"Any man whom Allah has given
the authority of ruling some people
and he does not look after
them in an honest manner,
will never feel even
the smell of Paradise."
Notice the prophetic expression:
"he doesn't look after them”
You are required to look after
your children from every aspect
not by constant advice and criticism
which drives them away from boredom
but by being a real-life role model,
directing them as needed
and protecting them from harm;
with a firm, yet kind and loving hand
You look after them to protect
them from the arrows of desires and
Shubhas (doubts)
fired at them from every direction!
You're the one qualified
to develop all that in your child
You are the one qualified to instill
honesty in the hearts of your
children by your actions
as Hudhaifah Ibnul-Yaman
said in a Hadith,
"The Messenger of Allah Peace
& Blessings be upon him told us,
that honesty descended in the
roots of the hearts of men,
and then they learned
it from the Quran
then from the Sunnah."
(Bukhari)
If you ingrain honesty and being true
to oneself in the hearts of your children
they will benefit from
the Quran and the Sunnah
Otherwise, nothing benefits
them and they become
mere numbers in the
the herd of frivolous hypocrites
The mother of Sufyaan
Al-Thawry said to him,
"O my son! Seek out knowledge,
and I will, with my spinning wheel,
provide enough for you to live on."
meaning devote your
time to seeking knowledge
"O my son, when you have written
down ten Hadiths, look and see
if you notice an improvement in your walk,
your patience and your self-dignity."
meaning your morals
"For if you do not see
any such improvement,
then know that your knowledge
harms you and doesn't benefit you."
She didn't push him to get high grades
or be better than his cousins
But: I want knowledge
that improves your morals.
The "trust" of knowledge!
Imam Ahmad Ibn Hanbal and
Ash-Shafi’i grew up as orphans
Each was raised by his mother
They became the Ummah's
leaders in work and knowledge
You are qualified for all this
because they're your children.
No school, nursery, kindergarten
or nanny can replace you
You can replace everyone
but no one can replace you!
Do not be surprised then
that Islam
honors the mother and
places Paradise at her feet
Remember —after all this—
your retort: "Just a nanny"
followed by exclamation
and question marks
when the retort itself deserves
a thousand exclamation marks!
The current social norm
is that all the above pillars of parenting
'come naturally'
i.e. there is no need to learn them
while university degrees
consume twenty years of our life
The most negative message
this sends our children is:
Servitude to Allah —in its comprehensive
sense— is not our life's purpose!
They soak in this obliviousness
daily from our behavior
This was expressed in a comment
from a sister, on the episode
"Women and the Pursuit
of Self-fulfillment",
“I consider myself a
victim of such a mindset.
My upbringing emphasized the
idea that I only have to study.
'We only want you to focus on
your studies and get the highest scores
so you get into a
prestigious college...'
I finished college, then got
married without any 'basics'
on how to manage a house,
deal with a husband
or raise children.
Moreover, I had this great sense
of guilt
for not completing my
postgraduate studies.
Parents enforce the message
that your value is in the position
you reach and your
work accomplishments
while your work in the home is
nothing special: every woman does it!
It doesn't matter how you
do it or what the result is.
What's more important is
that you make us proud!"
So: 'Your home is nothing
special: every woman does it!'
And: 'What's more important
is that you make us proud!'
Another sister comments that
her husband insults her, saying,
"Why can't you be like so-and-so,
who works and earns money?!
Home and children?
All wives have homes and children!"
Imagine the manipulation we suffered
to distort the phrase:
'The woman's work at home'
and confine its meaning
—in our minds— to inanimate objects
like the sink, washing
machine, broom and fridge!
We constantly hear about children
some from 'so-called' conservative families
who become atheists or homosexuals;
much to their parents' shock!
Why are you shocked?!
Did you protect your children
and sincerely care for them, as our
Prophet, Peace be upon him, commanded?
Or are your enemies reaping the fruits
of what they sowed in your children
while you were negligent?!
Can you tell me, ma'am, how many
of these goals are achieved by schools?
Rather, do schools achieve these goals
or destroy them;
apart from a select few here and there?
As a practical exercise:
When you enroll your child in a school
please take with you the list of 21
elements of parenting that we discussed
and ask those in charge,
"Can you tell me how many
of these goals you achieve?
And what programs and methods
do you implement to achieve them?"
Years ago, there was a case
of two doctors
in a major hospital in an Arab country
who prescribed
medication to a cancer patient
But, in collaboration
with some nurses
the doctors didn't administer
the medicine to the patient
but sold it
on the black market
while the patient was given
an intravenous injection of normal saline
i.e. water and salt
Distressing, isn't it?
This is similar to what's
happening to the Muslim youth
Their humanity needs to be protected
from ignorance and desires
but, instead, most educational curricula
deliver normal saline solutions
or even —in many cases— toxins!
Parents assume that
they have fulfilled their duty by
sending their children to such schools
The most dangerous thing isn't
leaving the patient without treatment
but administering normal saline
—or even toxins— into his body while
deluding him and his family into thinking
that you're offering a treatment!
You might say, "What you said
about my role in parenting is unrealistic.
It's as if you are expecting every mother
to be an expert in all these aspects."
My reply, sister
is that you are required
to build the foundation, set your
children's feet on the right path
and ignite their motivation to learn
and implement their knowledge
After that, your role is to
assist and encourage them
When your son encounters a Shubha
you help him resolve it
by guiding him to
authentic sources and references
and to people he can trust
When your daughter
struggles with mental health
you encourage
her to visit a specialist
Your children are at
the heart of your life project
You might say,
"I see that you've put
the burden of parenting on me.
What about the father?!"
First, it isn't a burden.
It's an honor!
Parenting, purification
and developing human beings
is the job of the Prophets
Peace be upon them
and the worker is honored according
to the honor of his role
Since the financial support burden
falls on the man
which usually entails long hours
at work, outside the home
the time you spend with your
children will naturally be much longer
and you have a
greater chance at parenting
Nonetheless, we should remind people
that parenting is a joint
responsibility between the parents
Such a great responsibility
requires your cooperation
Some men commented on the episode
"I am not the Housemaid", saying,
"Do you want us to work hard at work,
while the woman is spoiled
at home doing nothing?
Then you ask us to help her
with the housework as well?!"
We, brother, ask you
to assist her with the housework
and reduce your demands
so she can spend her time on the
greater mission: Building the human!
You have to assist her
with this mission as well
and not fall short in your
parenting duties using the excuses:
I work for you, for your sustenance,
life is expensive, times are difficult...
Even when you're at home,
you don't spend quality time
with your children
where you are mentally present
Instead, you are busy on your
phone, on calls and other things
One of the requirements of Qiwamah
(men's authority & responsibility)
is for the dad to be a role model for
life balance and giving each their due
He is therefore
primarily responsible for this
When the Prophet
Peace & Blessings be upon him
said that he who doesn't
take care of his children
"will never feel even
the smell of Paradise."
he was addressing you, brother!
There are parenting roles
that can only be done by you
"Allah has given one over the other..."
(Quran Translated Meaning 4:34 )
It would very exhausting and unfair
to the woman to ask her to do them
The man must therefore lead the parenting
project and overcome its obstacles
The real start of the journey of
parenting is choosing a wife or a husband
to help you to achieve
the major goal that we mentioned
However, sister
even if the father isn't
fulfilling his role in parenting:
you ask him and remind
him of Allah, but he isn't responsive;
would you abandon your children?
If he doesn't take
his children to get vaccinated
against polio, measles, smallpox, etc.,
would you say,
"He fell short of his duties,
I won't bear the burden alone!",
or would your mercy
propel you to take them?!
Doesn't your child's
soul have a higher priority?
Turn to your soul and cultivate its morality
It's the soul that distinguishes humanity
It won't be an easy mission but
you'd absolve yourself in front of Allah
You can seek help from educational
resources and centers,
beneficial courses and
good companionship
to help fill the void created
by the father's shortcomings
and assist you in your mission
You might say,
Honestly, I, myself
lack many of the values
and elements of parenting
you mention
How can I raise my children on them?
I can't give what I don't have!
True! We need to acquire these values first
then raise our children on them
This is a life journey
which requires continuous learning,
immense effort and seeking Allah's help
Much of what we publish
in these articles and series
is an attempt to build the mentioned
parenting elements in ourselves
whether in the "Journey of Certainty",
the "Women in Depth",
the Quran contests we hold
or others
We will also refer you to series
and books by noble educators
to fill the gap and provide a roadmap
What we are trying to deliver
is nothing short of the ABC's of life
which we should have
learned from an early age
The solution starts with elevating
the importance of developing a person
We're now fighting a battle for the
soundness of our souls,
liberation of our spirits and innate
natures and the revival of our purpose
The beauty is that
as you parent your child
you'll find that you're
parenting yourself in the process!
You don't see your soul within you
but you'll see its faults, its tricks
and the great results of parenting
You'll see all that
in your son and daughter
It's a Wisdom in creation
and a fact of life
that we discover ourselves
in the journey of parenting
We discover the beauty of the human
soul that Allah has blessed us with
and the beauty of planting seeds
in it, watering them with revelation,
then reaping the results and
enjoying the beauty
of its liberation!
You can sense this beauty
in the comments on the episodes
from brothers and sisters who tasted
the pleasure of discovering Shari'a
and discovering their
souls, by Allah's Grace!
You might say,
Shouldn't parenting be simpler than this?
Isn't it that: 'every child is born on
Fitrah (innate nature)'? (Agreed upon)
Did the early Muslim generations
need all this complexity?
We say, dear sister:
The most dangerous thing
that happened to Muslims
after the military occupation
withdrew from their countries
is that they thought
they were independent
because they no longer saw
enemy soldiers patrolling the streets
They don't realize
the psychological, intellectual,
spiritual and moral occupation
they're still living under
so they don't seek liberation
As someone eloquently expressed:
All our homelands are occupied
whether our occupiers stay or depart
What's the benefit of freeing our land
if our souls & bodies are still occupied?
Our homeland will regain its freedom
once humans regain their humanity
The early Muslim generations had
pure innate nature and sound souls
They lived faithfully to achieve
comprehensive servitude:
the goal that drove their actions
Thus, their default path was the
Righteous Path; easily without effort
Their souls glorified revelation
and had complete trust in it
They ran away from all Ignorance:
old and otherwise,
disdained it and blocked
its entry into their hearts
They reconsidered all their legacies
and re-evaluated them
against the Divine Standards
Lapses into Ignorance
happened now and then
but they identified them as 'Ignorance',
fought them,
and extinguished them
They committed sins;
but they recognized them as sins
In contrast, people nowadays
are born with pure
innate natures, then they're quickly
manipulated left and right,
mentally, intellectually and morally
by the soft occupation regimes
who ensnare them through
a continuous torrent of temptations,
Shubhas and falsehoods
(to obscure truth) while
the magnet of servitude to Allah that
gathers the shreds of the soul, is missing
Thus, the process seems difficult
because we are gathering
the shreds of a scattered soul
pulled in every direction
by callers at the gates of Hell!
The Quran then was comprehensible
with a profound impact on the soul
but nowadays most Arabs
find it difficult to understand it
Your role is to remove the debris
from your children's innate natures,
keep their focus on the goal
that reconstructs their shattered souls
and bring them closer
to Allah's revelation
You might say, "After hearing all
this, I fear for my children's future,
and I'm even hesitant to
have children in the first place."
We say: Allah has decreed that this Ummah
will ultimately be the victorious one
The promised conquest of Rome
and entry of Islam into every home
will be fulfilled by
the progeny of Muslims
Muslims won't perish
nor will aliens from another
planet come to support this religion
The glad tidings of our Prophet
Peace & Blessings be upon him
are meant to bring
reassurance to our hearts
and inform us that
we are fighting our round
then passing the banner to our
children through good parenting
so that they continue
on the journey of victory
"...and the (prosperous) end
is for the pious." (QTM 7:128)
The most dangerous thing that
happens while raising children
—and the main reason
they become misguided
and a source of misery
to parents—
is that parents
forget these meanings
They forget that parenting
must be a part of the achieving
the major goal: Servitude to Allah!
Young men and women get married
then have children
because that's what people do
and sometimes to satisfy
their parental instincts
and fill their house with kid's voices
Then what?
Nothing!
He seeks the fulfillment of his desires
more than the fulfillment of his family duty
She also seeks self-fulfillment
and success
away from her children
Such parents soon find themselves
on a collision course with their children
They see them as an obstacles
to their ambitions and interests
because the children are
not part of their ambitions
They get annoyed and irritable
when the children take some of their time
because it's hindering them from achieving
their goals (which don't include children)
This anger and tension
amplifies their failure at parenting
Children who are lost between two
parents who don't enjoy raising them
will start creating problems
and their relationship with
you (the parents) will become strained
They will even become a source
of tension between you as a couple
as you start blaming one another;
each throwing the heavy
burden of parenting on the other
while the kids watch
and register
how you regard them as a nuisance
instead of enjoying their company!
What do most parents
do in this case?
They give their children
the most dangerous bribe!
They provide them with whatever
they desire, even if it's harmful
as if to say:
I am busy, child. Stop wasting
my time and attention.
What do you want? Food? Here!
Sweets (even if harmful)? Here!
More spoiling?
Money? Take!
A phone? A tablet? An IPAD?
Take it! X-Box? Play Station? Here!
Take whatever you want
but get out of my hair!
Sedatives for the child's soul
which is screaming from
ignorance and spiritual emptiness;
asking for what harms it;
not what benefit it!
A sister commented on
the last episode, saying,
"My husband is
kind and religious,
but he does not contribute
to raising his children
except by fulfilling
their needs and desires
so that they don't feel inferior
to other kids (as he says).
My attempts to set a goal for them,
teach them the principles of
Islam, and urge them to pray,
avoid petty things and
seek beneficial knowledge
make me the house
villain: bossy and tough
as opposed to
his gentleness, kindness,
and devotion to
facilitate and ease their lives.
I am still striving, but should I
continue this difficult role alone?
Till when? A child is naturally
attracted to fun and pampering,
and mine run away from the duties
and hard work that I represent."
We say: Yes, dear sister
continue using different approaches
and mix what you're doing
with kindness and affection
Ask your husband to
watch this episode as well
and may Allah grant you great
reward for your patience and struggle
In contrast to neglect
there is destructive attention
The danger when we tell the woman
to care for her children
without explaining how
is that she may think that
she burning herself out
and forming a deep emotional attachment
is what we mean by care
She may think that care means
relieving them of all housework
so that they can study,
reciting their lessons,
yelling at them to
do their homework,
performing their duties for them
(even making their beds)
and killing their chance
to become independent!
She may think that she has gone
above and beyond in her parenting duty
While, in fact, she's channeling
her sense of responsibility
in the wrong direction:
harming herself and her children
while deluding herself that she's
doing good.
When our goal is servitude to Allah
care for our children will be through the
correct methods for building the human
Otherwise, this care may be harmful
I want my children
to be successful
What's success?
What are the criteria for success?
If you want to help your
children with their studies
endear knowledge to them, teach
them how to organize their schedule,
how to approach different kinds of problems
and how to analyze and reach conclusions;
but don't use the commonplace
'come and recite' method
—the most used word
in our education culture—
You should let them bear the
responsibility of neglecting their duties
Don't let this ruin your
relationship with them
by creating an atmosphere
of tension and screams
One of the most important principles
of parenting for a mother
is to let go of 'harmful'
mercy and excessive intervention
Be more rational and calm
and take care of yourself
Don't be a burnt-out mother
who suffers from tension
and anxiety in the name of
'Care for the children'
Don't be a nervous wreck,
emotionally drained
and ready to explode at
your children and husband!
Many women, after childbirth
and when children grow up a little
stop being wives
and become just mothers!
Her relationship with her
husband becomes strained
and her children —for whose
sake she burned herself out—
see a mother who failed in
her relationship with herself,
her husband and with them;
a nervous wreck!
Thus, the mother draws
for her children
a miserable picture of family life
and of the family institution
so they run away from marriage
and even from Islam that decreed it
encouraged it and prohibited
all other relationships between couples
The youth may then seek emotional
gratification in illicit relationships
because they don't want to relive
the failed marriage of their parents
'Be a candle that burns out
to illuminate the path for your children'
is a false slogan.
In Islam:
“Your self has a right upon you...
so give to each his due." (Bukhari)
When you burn out, you won't
illuminate your children's lives
but instead, you'd darken it with soot
Don't burn out! Instead, illuminate their
lives with your balance and serenity
Give yourself its due according to
the priorities that we discussed
Enjoy yourself,
cheer yourself up,
enjoy your husband's company
and give him his due;
and your children's affairs
will fall into place, Allah willing
Don't tie your success
to your children's success
according to standards
imposed by society
such as school studies,
university degrees and grades
Do not busy yourself with the opinions
of others about your children
at the expense of your
soul, what you owe it
and prioritizing Allah over everything
in your children's life and yours
Be a role model for
balance and happiness
This will help your children achieve
true success in their life and religion
and develop their own
balanced and happy families
Well, I made servitude
to Allah my life's purpose
and I care for my children's guidance,
their servitude to Allah
and their afterlife.
Or: I became aware of these
aspects after my children grew up
but when I tried to catch up
my children were not responsive
I now feel frustrated and defeated,
which is making me miserable.
Here, Shari'a draws the boundaries
to stop this feeling from
taking over and making you
neglect yourself and become
overcome with sorrow;
which can only harm you
and, in turn, your children
because you won't be strong enough
in your attempt to save them
Here, Allah's book says,
"You cannot guide whoever you like,
but Allah guides whom He wills..."
(QTM 28:56)
and reminds you that Prophet
Noah was unable to save his own son,
that Allah's Will be done and
that care for your children shouldn't
detract from care for yourself
It is true that the mother whose child
has gone astray or lives in negligence
should reflect on the possible reasons,
try to catch up on neglected duties, and
mend —to the extent possible— what she can
but without despair
and with great caution that
the Devil doesn't enter her heart
through this self-accountability
and lead her to self-flagellation!
You might say,
"Your words sound reasonable to me,
but, psychologically, I do not find
myself with my husband and children.
but rather, in volunteer, educational,
and even Da'wah work?
Aren't these noble goals?
We say, sister:
Our religion teaches us that we
shouldn't just do what we enjoy
but what we ought to do
You're following whims
when you go against priorities
and put what you love
above what Allah loves;
even if what you love
is an act of obedience
as in Allah's words,
which can be translated as,
“But as for he who feared
the position of his Lord
and prevented the soul
from inclination,
then indeed, Paradise will be
[his] refuge." (Quran 79:40-41)
Allah's Law that commands
you to take care of your children
and push yourself to do so
even if you don't enjoy parenting
is the same Law that
commands your child
to care for you when you're old
and force himself
to do so even if he doesn't enjoy
serving you and fulfilling your needs
or finds it boring
He cannot neglect you even if
he wants to busy himself with worship!
Our Prophet, Peace & Blessings be
upon him, said to Mu’awiyah As-Sulaimi
when he wanted to do
Jihad with the Prophet,
"Go back and honor her (stay
by her feet), for there is Paradise",
meaning his mother!
Juraij al-Abid was tried by
Allah when his prayer busied him
from responding to his mother's
call, as in Bukhari and Muslim
Uwais Al-Qarani's filial piety and care
for his mother prevented him from
the honor of Hijra
alongside the Prophet
The actions mentioned
in these authentic Hadiths:
Jihad At-talab (striving for Allah),
supererogatory prayers, Hijra (migration)
are some of the most noble acts
but Allah prioritized
care for the mother over them all!
Perhaps the mothers in question
were dependent on their children
Allah who commands
servitude to Him
through care for your children
commands them to treat
you well when you age
The highest servitude
is through their humility to you,
"...and lower to them the wing of
of humility out of mercy." (QTM 17:24)
What's happening
to the elderly in Europe
during this Coronavirus
epidemic and the neglect
they're suffering from
is a lesson to all!
Be certain, sister, that if you favor
what Allah loves over what you love
and you build a human through these
great goals and sound parenting pillars
the burden of parenting will turn
into joy, self-satisfaction
and self-respect that far exceeds
any other joy you may experience
Do you now know now, dear sister
the meaning of PARENTING?
It's a long journey
that requires patience
It is building a human
deserving of eternal life close to Allah;
instead of one
who is fuel for the Fire!
"O you who believe, protect yourselves
and your families from a Fire
whose fuel is people and stones..."
(QTM 66:6)
Your children are your
protection from the Fire
"Whoever is in charge of these
daughters and treats them benevolently,
then they will act as a shield for
him from the (Hell) Fire." (Bukhari)
Your child is an extended
reward for you after you die
"A man will be raised
in status in Paradise
and will say,
'Where did this come from?'
It will be said, 'From your son's
praying for forgiveness for you.'"
Your children will be your
life's joy if you raise them well
It isn't an easy journey
but is one that yields great rewards
You may stumble at times
and feel overwhelmed at others, but
"As for those who strive for Us,
We will surely guide them to Our ways,
or Allah is certainly with those
who do good." (QTM 29:69)
Allah is with you, He will correct
your shortcomings and help you
"...seek a middle course, or close
to it, and rejoice." (Bukhari)
Such a great status!
When someone asked,
"Prophet of Allah, who among people
is most deserving of my fine treatment?"
Your Prophet, Peace & Blessings
be Upon him, said, "Your mother."
''Who next?"
"Your mother"
''Who next?"
"Your mother"
"Who next?"
"Your father." (Bukhari)
"Your Lord has ordained
that you worship none but Him,
and show kindness to parents
If one or both of them
reach old age in your care,
do not say to them a word of
annoyance nor scold them,
rather speak to
them noble words,
and lower to them the
wing of humility out of mercy,
and say, 'My Lord, have mercy upon them
as they raised me when I was small.'"
(QTM 17:23-24)
May the Peace & Mercy
of Allah be upon you