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“One mistake on the wedding night and it’s forgotten”… No, not if it is the wedding night; the wedding night is not merely a party, but a declaration of a covenant. Institutions are founded upon charters, partnerships between people are governed by covenants—so how much more so for the institution of marriage? A new family, children, upbringing, ties of kinship, rights and duties, resolving disputes—all of this requires a covenant to which one may return.
If the bride and groom begin this covenant with an act of disobedience they know to be sinful, with prior arrangement and premeditated intention that “tonight we will overlook the boundaries set by God,” then the matter is not simply a minor lapse or a passing indulgence in sin. Rather, it sends a dangerous message at the very moment of covenant declaration: that God’s boundaries do not govern our home. From the very first day, you have made God’s boundaries something that can be ignored according to whim, rather than something that governs and regulates your behavior.
God the Exalted has made the family subject to His boundaries. In the matter of khulʿ (divorce initiated by the wife), He says: If you fear that they will not keep within the limits ordained by God, there is no blame on either of them if she redeems herself. (Quran 2:229)
And in the case of return after divorce, He says: There is no blame on either of them if they return to each other, provided they feel that they can keep within the limits ordained by God. (Quran 2:230)
There are ten instances in the Quran where “the limits of God” are mentioned in connection with marriage and its related matters. Observe that from its foundation to divorce and return, the family is governed by God’s boundaries.
If God’s boundaries are absent on the night the covenant is declared, when will they be present? Tomorrow, when a dispute arises—who will arbitrate between you? Will the law only be invoked “on demand,” only when it suits your desire? You invoked the law because it suited your interest, but your spouse decided not to invoke it because it did not suit hers—or vice versa. Then both families and friends intervene, and when God’s boundaries are absent and desires rule, the home is torn apart.
This selective approach to God’s boundaries—at the level of family, society, and governance—is what has brought us humiliation and loss of value: invoking God’s law when needed, then shelving it when it contradicts personal whim.
Someone might say, “If we are weak and lack the strength to stand up to our families who insist on forbidden things on the wedding night, so we go along under pressure—or frankly, we ourselves wish to celebrate even at the cost of disobeying God—does that mean our home is doomed to failure for life? Is it ‘ruined, ruined’?”
There is no such thing as “ruined, ruined” in Islam. You must always repent and reform your life. But if the foundation is laid incorrectly, you will make things very difficult for yourself. Do not rationalize your avoidance of God’s boundaries; by God, this is not in your interest nor in the interest of your children, in this world and the next: O mankind, you are the ones who stand in need of God, while God is the Self-Sufficient, the Praiseworthy. (Quran 35:15)
We are in need of His law, His boundaries, and His light.
The issue is not “one mistake and it’s forgotten.” The issue is: do we begin the home with a declaration of servitude to God, or with a declaration of disobedience at the very moment of its founding?
Does this mean we may never make a mistake in our lives? No—“all the sons of Adam are prone to sin.” But there is a difference between making mistakes that are deviations, then returning to the path whose boundaries are clearly marked by God, and beginning the journey in the opposite direction from the very start—without boundaries or compass—from the day the covenant is declared.
Peace be upon you.