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Peace be upon you and the mercy of Allah,
We sometimes hear statements like: "It is not permissible for a Muslim to love the disbeliever," and "If you love the disbeliever, that undermines your faith. If you were truly a believer, you would not love someone who disbelieves in Allah and His Messenger." Then you find someone responding: "But how did Islam permit marriage to the Kitabiyyah (People of the Book) while they disbelieve in the Quran and the Prophet, peace be upon him? Does it make sense that I marry a woman whom I hate? Did the Companions hate those who remained disbelievers among their parents, children, and siblings? If I love my non-Muslim manager who is kind to me and does charitable work, does that undermine my faith?"
"You are not convincing me, and you are asking me to do something I cannot. I will deal with every person regardless of their religion. I will love them if they are good-natured and hate them if they are evil, regardless of their religion. Their religion is between them and Allah, and it is none of my business. I will love my atheist colleague and my Kitabiyyah wife, congratulate her on her religious holiday, and participate with her."
What happened in this conversation? Unqualified statements led to an unbalanced reaction. Today, we seek Allah's help to untangle these threads and achieve balance.
If you want a brief answer to the question: Is it permissible for a Muslim to love the disbeliever? We say: Islam does not hold you accountable for the natural love for the disbeliever or the instinctive love, meaning by nature of the souls, if you find in the disbeliever a reason for love such as kinship, marriage, or his good deeds towards you. However, what is required of you is not to prioritize this love over the love of Allah, by achieving the following:
First: Turn your love for this disbeliever into an invitation for him to Islam so that he may be saved from the Fire.
Second: If he insists on his disbelief, then your love for Allah will make you hate this disbeliever because of his disbelief. Causes of love and hatred can coexist in one person, so you love him from one perspective and hate him from another, while still loving his guidance.
Third: Obey Allah in dealing with him. If he is peaceful and does not fight your religion, be kind to him and fulfill his rights while showing hatred for his disbelief. If he fights your religion, show him only enmity and hatred with the concession to avoid his harm.
Fourth: Do not let your love for the disbeliever lead you to disobey Allah, such as flattering him in his religion.
Fifth: Do not allow your heart to love the disbeliever in a way that prevents you from the obligations we have mentioned.
Firstly, someone who does not understand the meaning of Islam might ask: What does Islam have to do with loving or hating others? We say: Islam is a system of life. In it, a person submits to Allah in their relationship with Him, with themselves, and with others. It regulates their feelings towards others, their view of them, and their dealings with them, being certain that Allah's command is in the right, justice, wisdom, and mercy towards all His creation. It is impossible that He would command us with something beyond our capacity or against our innate nature, whether on the level of feelings or behavior.
"Say, 'Indeed, my prayer, my rites of worship, my living and my dying are for Allah, Lord of the worlds.'" (Quran 6:162). If we reject the rulings of Islam in part of our lives, such as the matter of feeling towards others and dealing with them, and see that Islam has no part in this aspect, this means that we have not entered Islam. For Allah the Exalted says: "O you who have believed, enter into Islam completely [and perfectly] and do not follow the footsteps of Satan. Indeed, he is to you a clear enemy." (Quran 2:208), meaning: Enter into Islam with all its parts.
The scholar and exegete Al-Tabari said: The verse contains the command to the believer to act upon all the laws of Islam and to establish all its rulings and limits, without neglecting some and acting upon some. And Allah the Exalted said to those who practiced selectivity with the religion of Allah: "Then do you believe in part of the Scripture and disbelieve in part?" (Quran 2:85).
However, He holds us accountable for controlling the actions related to these feelings. As an introduction, we say: What is the difference between innate or natural feelings (meaning the nature of souls) and religious feelings?
In innate or natural feelings: You love your father, mother, siblings, and spouse. You love those who are kind to you and hate those who are unkind to you.
In religious feelings: You love because of the religion. So, you love the Messenger of Allah who guided you to Allah the Exalted, and you love your Muslim brothers following your love for Allah and His Messenger. You love the religious commands of Allah even if you dislike some of them due to their difficulty or their opposition to what you are accustomed to, but you love them because they are from the command of the All-Wise, All-Knowing, Merciful, and because they achieve the interests of creation in this world and the Hereafter.
In religious feelings, you hate those who disbelieve in Allah and His Messenger after the truth has become clear to them. You hate disobedience even if it fulfills a desire beloved to you by nature, but you hate it with religious hatred because Allah hates it, and because it harms you in this world and the Hereafter.
Can the reasons for natural and religious love and hatred come together in one thing or one person? Of course, and here lies the test. Because if all the commands are what the soul loves and all the prohibitions are what the soul hates, where is the test?
Allah the Exalted says: "Fighting has been enjoined upon you, and though it is hateful to you..." (Quran 2:216). Fighting is hated by man because of its difficulty and what may result from it of wounds, loss of limbs, etc., but he loves it because of Allah's command and what it leads to of good consequences in this world and the Hereafter.
Then Allah the Exalted sends a great principle in the continuation of the verse: "And it may be that you dislike a thing which is good for you and that you love a thing which is bad for you. And Allah knows while you do not know." (Quran 2:216). You may hate something naturally but love it legally because it is good for you, and you may love something naturally but hate it legally because it is bad for you. This is part of Islam, of complete submission to Allah, His wisdom, mercy, and knowledge. Medicine may be hated because of its taste but loved because of its benefit, and likewise, people may have reasons for love and hatred in one person.
What could make you love a disbeliever or a disbelieving woman? As for religious love, there is no doubt that it contradicts faith. Meaning, loving a disbeliever for his false religion. This love is evidence of the heart's emptiness of faith and evidence that it is pleased with disbelief. This is what the enemies of Islam and their hypocrites among them try to do by attempting to make the rituals of polytheism and its rituals beloved to Muslims.
Well, if you do not love a disbeliever for his religion, what could make you love him? Many reasons: kinship, marriage, kindness, good character in some aspect. Firstly, this natural love is from desire, so it does not fall within the circle of accountability in itself, meaning you are not accountable for it, but you are accountable for controlling it with religious love for Allah and His Messenger.
We are accustomed to blaming desire, but the correct view is that desire in itself is an emotion in the soul that is neither blamed nor praised. Rather, the blameworthy thing is following desire without guidance. Ibn Taymiyyah said in Majmu' al-Fatawa: "For indeed, among the people are those whose love, hatred, will, and dislike are according to the love and hatred of his soul (meaning according to natural love), and none is more misguided than those who follow their desires without guidance from Allah. For the root of desire is the love of the soul, and following that is its hatred. And the desire itself, which is the love and hatred in the soul, is not blamed for it. It is not blamed, for indeed, that may not be within one's control. Rather, one is blamed for following it." Then Ibn Taymiyyah mentioned the verses that blame following desire specifically, not desire itself.
What does this mean? It means that among the people are those whose motive in all their life is natural love and hatred, and they do not pay attention to whether the thing or person is loved by Allah and His Messenger or hated by Allah and His Messenger. Such a person is not blamed for loving things or people or hating them naturally, but he is blamed for not controlling that with religious love and religious hatred, so it reflects on his behavior in a way that contradicts the command of Allah and His Messenger.
Also, in the book "Al-Amr bi al-Ma'ruf wa al-Nahi 'an al-Munkar," Ibn Taymiyyah said something similar: "And mere love and hatred are desire, but the prohibited thing is following its love and hatred without guidance from Allah. Therefore, He said: "And do not follow desire, lest it lead you astray from the way of Allah." (Quran 38:26).
Therefore, brothers, this is the first step. It is not valid to say that if you find any love for any disbeliever in your heart, this casts doubt on your faith, but the important thing is to control this love with the control of the Sharia.
May peace be upon you.
God Almighty said to His Prophet, peace be upon him, regarding the death of Abu Talib: "Indeed, you do not guide whom you love" [Al-Qasas: 56]. Some interpreters said: "whom you love" (his guidance), but some interpreters said: "whom you love" (his guidance), which is the apparent meaning of the verse, and God knows best. Therefore, the Messenger of God, peace be upon him, loved Abu Talib.
God Almighty also permitted marriage to the People of the Book. Of course, we will not delve into the permissibility or impermissibility of marrying the People of the Book in our current circumstances and the conditions thereof. However, the point is that marriage, in principle, creates affection. God Almighty said: "And of His signs is that He created for you from yourselves mates that you may find tranquility in them; and He placed between you affection and mercy" [Ar-Rum: 21]. It is inconceivable that a man would marry a woman whom he hates in every way. Moreover, marrying a woman from the People of the Book would result in her being a mother to Muslims, a grandmother, an aunt, and a mother-in-law to Muslims, and it is inconceivable that these Muslims would hate her in every way.
Our religion, esteemed ones, does not command us to hate the disbeliever with absolute, comprehensive hatred even if they have been good to us, nor to go against our nature in loving the polytheist wife or the polytheist father or mother, for this is a command to do the impossible, especially for the Muslim who has been raised by his religion to be faithful, merciful, and to see the good in people. God Almighty said: "Is not He who created the heavens and the earth able to create the like of them? Yes, [He is] the Knowing Creator" [Ya-Sin: 81]. The legal command of God is in complete harmony with His decree. He created us with inclinations of love for those who are good to us, so He does not command us to oppose that, but what is required is to regulate that with love for God and hatred for God.
The inability to combine love and hatred is due to a loss of psychological balance, while psychological balance helps you to conceive of that, and the slogan of Islam is balance. Al-Bukhari narrated in "Al-Adab Al-Mufrad" on the authority of Umar bin Al-Khattab, may God be pleased with him, that he said: "Let not your love be a burden, nor your hatred a destruction."
If you find within yourself a natural love for a disbeliever, male or female, what is required of you regarding this love? You are required to regulate it with the love of Allah and His Messenger, and obedience to Allah and His Messenger. This is done through the following:
Firstly: You should recall the love you have for them and turn it into something practical and beneficial for them by feeling pity for them, caring for them, and showing mercy towards them by setting a practical example for them, explaining the truth to them, and praying for their guidance. Here, many Muslims with severe negativity, unfortunately, will tell you: "I love so-and-so, the disbeliever." Okay, do you hate him because of his disbelief? No, no, no, because perhaps he does not know the truth about Islam and its beauty, perhaps he is repelled by the behavior of some Muslims, perhaps, perhaps, and he starts giving excuses. Okay, have you invited him to Islam? No. Ah, then he disobeys Allah twice, for he does not obey Allah by inviting them to Islam, and then he does not obey Allah by maintaining disassociation from them. He might even say that they will enter Paradise if their morals are good, whereas if he had fulfilled his duty of inviting them and then saw their obstinacy and insistence on denying Allah and His Messenger, his hatred for them would be a natural consequence that he does not need to fabricate. This is if he has a genuine love for Allah and His Messenger in his heart.
I remember in America that I used to deal frequently with polytheists and irreligious people who treated me with kindness and respect. I would invite them to Allah the Almighty and see some of them turning away from Allah and His signs, so I would hate them for this reason and understand the wisdom and mercy of Allah in punishing those who turn away and disbelieve. I did not live the psychological conflict that some people live, where they say to themselves: "These kind people in dealing are disbelievers and in the Fire!" Because I, praise be to Allah, resolve this contradiction by inviting them and seeing the results of this invitation.
I have two friends who repeatedly write to celebrities seeking good for them, inviting them to Islam, such as Clayton Christensen, Russ Brand, Steve Jobs, Ryan Moran, and Warith Hayde. They did not stop at being amazed by the achievements and contributions of these individuals, nor did their admiration for them turn into defending them and their disbelief. Instead, they turned it into an invitation to them and a desire for their good. If you are proud of your religion and honored by it, you will invite others to it.
Look at these beautiful examples of caring for the guidance of relatives:
Ibrahim, peace be upon him: "O my father, indeed, there has come to me of knowledge what has not come to you, so follow me; I will guide you to a straight path. O my father, do not worship Satan. Indeed, Satan has been to the Most Merciful disobedient. O my father, indeed, I fear that there will touch you a punishment from the Most Merciful so that you would be to Satan a companion." [Maryam: 43-45].
The Messenger of Allah, peace be upon him, enters upon his uncle Abu Talib at his death and says to him: "O uncle, say, 'There is no god but Allah,' I will intercede for you with it before Allah."
Look at the concern of Abu Huraira, may Allah be pleased with him, for his disbelieving mother in the hadith narrated by Muslim. Abu Huraira said: "I used to invite my mother to Islam while she was a disbeliever. One day, I invited her, and she said to me something about the Messenger of Allah that I disliked. I went to the Messenger of Allah while I was crying and said, 'O Messenger of Allah, I used to invite my mother to Islam, but she refused me. Today, I invited her, and she said to me something about you that I disliked. Pray to Allah to guide the mother of Abu Huraira.' The Messenger of Allah said: 'O Allah, guide the mother of Abu Huraira.' I went out rejoicing at the prayer of the Prophet of Allah. When I came to the door, I found it closed. I heard my mother's footsteps and she said, 'Stay where you are, O Abu Huraira.' I heard the sound of water, so she took a bath, put on her armor, and hurried to remove her headscarf. She opened the door and said, 'O Abu Huraira, I bear witness that there is no god but Allah, and I bear witness that Muhammad is His servant and Messenger.' I returned to the Messenger of Allah and went to him while crying from joy."
The most important thing, my brother, the most important thing is not to remain in a state of negativity and accumulated sins by disobeying Allah by abandoning the call to Islam, then disobeying Him by abandoning the lawful hatred, then disobeying Him by doubting the justice of the disbeliever's fate in the Fire.
If the disbeliever whom you invited accepts Islam, praise be to Allah, this is the best we can hope for. Then the natural and religious love will come together, and we will love him for Allah and for His sake. If he does not accept Islam, you will obey Allah in dealing with him. Allah the Almighty says: "Allah does not forbid you from those who did not fight you because of religion and did not expel you from your homes - to deal kindly and justly with them. Indeed, Allah loves the just." [Al-Mumtahana: 8]. So, we deal with them kindly and justly as an act of worship to Allah, while we hate them for their disbelief. Obey Allah in your heart and actions, and fulfill the rights of the disbeliever that Islam has commanded, whether he is a father, mother, relative, neighbor, wife, colleague, subordinate at work, or others with whom we deal. We have mentioned some forms of the beauty of Islam in dealing with peaceful disbelievers.
At the same time, show hatred for the disbelief that he is upon. If a Muslim insists on a major sin, I would show hatred for him from this perspective. What about someone who insists on the greatest of major sins and the most corrupting of deeds, which is polytheism? If a Muslim commits severe injustice, I would hate him for his injustice. What about the ugliest forms of injustice, which is polytheism? "O my son, do not associate partners with Allah. Indeed, association is a great injustice." [Luqman: 13]. What about what Allah said about them: "And they say, 'The Most Merciful has taken a son.' You have come with a terrible thing; the heavens almost rupture therefrom, and the earth splits open, and the mountains collapse in devastation. That they attribute to the Most Merciful a son. And it is not appropriate for the Most Merciful that He should take a son." [Maryam: 88-91]. This hatred for the polytheist because of his polytheism is a natural consequence of my love for Allah and my envy for His sanctuaries.
Exalting Allah, loving Him, and being preoccupied with what Allah has commanded regarding inviting disbelievers to Islam and freeing oneself from the psychological complexes resulting from the distortion of Islam will make your feelings towards the disbeliever a natural consequence and in harmony with yourself and your goodness, and you will not be ashamed of it.
Peace be upon you. If a disbeliever is hostile towards me in matters of religion, in this case, there is only enmity and hatred, for I am a Muslim who is honored by Allah, and the Most High does not approve of His honored servants being humiliated by those who fight them for their true religion.
But what if there is some love in my heart for this hostile disbeliever due to kinship or an old friendship? Allah, the Most High, says: "O you who have believed, do not take My enemy and your enemy as allies, extending to them affection while they have disbelieved in what has come to you of the truth, driving out the Messenger and yourselves [for] not believing in Allah, your Lord." [Quran 60:1]. Showing affection to your enemy who fights you for your religion is forbidden. And Allah, the Most High, says: "extending to them affection," meaning showing affection is forbidden. Allah, the Most High, forbids you from showing this affection to those who oppose Allah and His Messenger. Notice the similarity in the wording "they show affection" and "you extend to them affection," for the prohibition is against the outward actions that indicate affection.
It is possible for a Muslim, due to his great love for Allah and His Messenger, to uproot from his heart any love, even natural or innate, for the hostile disbeliever. When one sees someone fighting Allah and His Messenger, he can no longer bear him, no matter how close he is or how strong the reasons for love are, even if that person treats you well personally. If there remains in the heart love for this opponent, it is required of you never to show it, out of honor and love for Allah and His Messenger.
Those who oppose Allah and His Messenger are not necessarily those who fight your religion with weapons alone, but also include those who mock Islam or attack its laws and rulings, such as some writers, actors, YouTubers, and celebrities. It also includes those who use their knowledge to excommunicate people, those who fight natural instincts, and those who call people to debauchery and sexual perversion in its various forms. It includes those who insult the Lord and the religion, God forbid, even if they are falsely counted among the Muslims. It is never permissible to show any affection for these people under the pretext that one of them is light-hearted, comedic, entertaining, has honorable political stances, criticizes corrupt rulers, supports our causes, scores wonderful goals in the net, or invents useful devices. None of this justifies showing any affection or respect for the disbeliever who opposes Allah and His Messenger.
Allah, the Most High, says: "You will not find a people who believe in Allah and the Last Day having affection for those who oppose Allah and His Messenger, even if they were their fathers or their sons or their brothers or their kindred." [Quran 58:22]. It is not possible to combine faith in Allah with showing affection for these people. What is the reward of those who purify themselves from this forbidden affection? The verse continues: "Those are the ones in whose hearts He has written faith and whom He has supported with a spirit from Himself, and He will admit them to gardens beneath which rivers flow, wherein they will abide eternally. Allah is pleased with them, and they are pleased with Him. Those are the party of Allah. Unquestionably, it is the party of Allah that will be the successful." [Quran 58:22].
We say, indeed, the news about loving something that Allah loves necessitates the command to love it. And the news about Allah's hatred for something necessitates the command to hate it. Our Prophet, peace be upon him, said: "When Allah loves a servant, He calls Gabriel and says, 'I love so-and-so, so love him.' Gabriel loves him, then he calls out to the inhabitants of heaven, 'Allah loves so-and-so, so love him.' The inhabitants of heaven love him, then acceptance is placed for him on earth. And when Allah hates a servant, He calls Gabriel and says, 'I hate so-and-so, so hate him.' Gabriel hates him, then he calls out to the inhabitants of heaven, 'Allah hates so-and-so, so hate him.' The inhabitants of heaven hate him, then hatred is placed for him on earth."
The love and hatred here are legal, meaning for the sake of a person's religion. And because they are legal, it is obligatory to love what Allah loves and to hate what Allah hates. Also, notice the interdependence between the love of Allah and the love of the believers in the saying of our Prophet, peace be upon him: "Whoever loves the Ansar, Allah loves him, and whoever hates the Ansar, Allah hates him." This type of expression indicates the interdependence of the two loves.
Allah, the Most High, says to the delegation of the Christians of Najran: "Say, 'Obey Allah and the Messenger; but if they turn away - indeed, Allah does not like the disbelievers.'" [Quran 3:32]. And He says: "That He may give those who believed and did righteous deeds from His bounty. Indeed, He does not like the disbelievers." [Quran 30:45]. He who says that Allah loves all of His creation is contradicting the clear Quran. Rather, Allah has mercy on all of His creation, but He does not love their disbelievers, and no one will be more merciful than Allah by claiming to love all of creation.
If you ask me after this, does Allah love the disbelievers or hate them? There is no doubt that He hates them, and as long as they insist on their disbelief, you, as a believer, hate the disbelievers because of their disbelief. It does not conflict in the case of the peaceful disbeliever that religious hatred is combined with good treatment and natural love.
Ibn al-Wazir said in "Ithar al-Haqq 'ala al-Khalq": "As for opposition, enmity, giving good treatment, suppressing anger, good character, honoring the guest, and the like, it is recommended to give them to all of creation, except what necessitates corruption such as humiliation, so it is not given to the enemy in the state of war."
Those who say: "We hate the disbeliever, we hate the disbelief of the disbeliever, not the disbeliever himself," we say to them: As long as you have practiced abstraction, separating the attribute from the one described by it, it is more appropriate for you to say: "We love the goodness of such-and-such disbeliever or his character," if he is good or well-mannered in some aspect, and we do not love him himself, for his disbelief is greater than his goodness.
After all of this, if someone says, "No, I do not want to hate anyone," we say to him: "Your insistence is because you follow your desires and do not regulate yourself with religious, faith-based love and hate. Your religion is constricted within you and does not reflect on your feelings and behavior. If you saw someone who tortures, kills, and oppresses, you would hate him." As for the right of Allah, it is easy for you, even though you hear: "Indeed, association (with Him) is a great injustice" [Luqman: 13].
Hating the disbeliever as long as he insists on his disbelief is not because Islam is a religion of hatred, but because it is a religion of true love for Allah and His Messenger. Otherwise, people love and hate each other based on worldly meanings and personal interests. The call for absolute love for everyone is a false call. These feelings towards others protect the entity of Muslims from melting into societies and losing their distinctiveness and identity, and make Muslims influential rather than influenced, reformers of others rather than followers of their corruption and shirk. We now see attempts to melt Muslims into shirk and combat their distinctiveness, as in the laws combating separatism in France and elsewhere under different names around the world.
As a Muslim, it is expected that Allah and His Messenger are more beloved to you than anything else. Love for Allah and His Messenger is the lens through which you view the world. This is not tribalism, but if the disbeliever believes, we love him for the sake of Allah, and if the Muslim disbelieves, we hate him for the sake of Allah. We look at people based on the choices they make for themselves, not for matters beyond their will.
People harbor grudges among themselves, while Islam is not a religion of grudges, but of love for good and guidance. Loving the guidance of the disbelievers is permissible, even for those who fight them. Look how a believer in Surah Ya Sin prayed for the guidance of his people after they killed him. Allah the Most High said: "It was said, 'Enter Paradise.' He said, 'Oh, I wish my people knew * With what my Lord has forgiven me and made me among the honored'" [Ya Sin: 26-27]. The Muslim is the kindest of people in heart and the most eager for the good of people.
Ibn Taymiyyah wrote to Sarjwan, one of the Christian kings, and his entourage of princes, priests, and monks. The letter is in the collection of fatwas, and part of it says: "We are a people who love goodness for everyone, and we love that Allah gathers for you the good of this world and the Hereafter. The greatest way to worship Allah is to advise His creation, and for this purpose, Allah sent the prophets and messengers."
Today, we have focused, dear honored audience, on the issue of love and hate due to their importance in themselves and because they are among the greatest motivators for actions for which the Muslim will be held accountable. What about the visible actions and how the prophets and companions balanced religious, natural, and innate feelings on one hand and obedience to Allah in dealing with disbelievers on the other? And how they set the most beautiful examples in this regard? This is what we will discuss in the next episode, God willing.
Peace be upon you and the mercy of Allah.