Introduction: Preparing Hearts Before Advice
Peace be upon you and the mercy of God, dear brothers. We continue to discuss matters we need to do before advising people, if we want our advice and guidance to be effective. We have mentioned among them getting them used to kindness and smiling, and today we will talk about two other matters: sincere praise and acknowledging favor.
These methods make your brother strive not to change the impression you hold of him, and he knows that you are not seeking out his shortcomings, but rather looking for areas of strength and beauty.
Firstly: Sincere Praise
Look at the words of the Prophet peace be upon him to Ashaj Abd al-Qays: "You have two qualities that God loves: patience and forbearance." This is sincere praise that enhances goodness in people without tempting them. And he said to Umar may God be pleased with him: "By the One in whose hand is my soul, the devil never met you walking in a path but that he would take a different path." This enhances Umar's strength in truth.
It is true that this is a matter of the unseen that the Prophet peace be upon him knew through revelation, but we too can praise people for the good qualities we see in them.
The Effect of Love in Seeing Beauty
Sayyid Qutb may God have mercy on him says in "Afrah al-Ruh":
"When seeds of love, compassion, and goodness grow in our hearts, we free ourselves from many burdens and hardships. We will not need to flatter others; for we will be sincere and devoted when we praise them. Every person has a good side, but we do not notice it or see it unless seeds of love grow in our hearts."
It is beautiful then, my brother, to say to your brother, even if he has mistakes: "I love your smile," "My morale rises when I see you," "I like your sensitivity," "your humility," "your use of time." And so on, if he truly has this quality and without exaggeration that leads him to ostentation and arrogance.
Secondly: Acknowledging Favor
As for acknowledging favor, the Messenger of God peace be upon him expressed his acknowledgment of favor to the Ansar when he said to them: "By God, if you had wished, you could have said, and you would have spoken the truth: You came to us rejected, and we believed in you, and you were oppressed, and we supported you, and you were driven out, and we sheltered you, and you were poor, and we enriched you."
He acknowledges the favor while being the one who bestowed the favor upon his entire nation peace be upon him, so how about us with those who have favored us?
Acknowledging Favor as an Entry to Advice
You may need to advise your father or mother about a sin they are committing, would it not be better for you to first acknowledge their favor? Thus, you open their hearts, and they know that your advice to them is the advice of a righteous, noble-hearted son who acknowledges kindness.
Therefore, sincere praise and acknowledging favor are two prophetic methods for those who wish to be a righteous advisor.
Peace be upon you and the mercy of God.