A Moving Story of a Repentant from Pornography
Introduction
Peace be upon you, and God’s mercy and blessings. A few days ago, I met a young man who told me about his story of repentance from pornography. It was deeply moving, especially since he was speaking to me while crying. The young man—may God preserve him—radiated from his face what we perceived as faith, tranquility, and reassurance.
I said to him, “You must write this story down so we can share it with our brothers and sisters.” Indeed, he wrote the story for me. I asked him about certain points he mentioned, and this is the final version you are about to hear—a story rich with lessons and deeply impactful. What I will do now is narrate the story as he told it to me, and then we will return to extract the lessons and reflections from its sections.
The Story as Told by Its Owner
Upbringing and Early Environment
The young man said: My story began in a family that genuinely loved religion, but there was a huge gap between what was preached and what was practiced. As I grew older, I started to disregard the religious commands my father would emphasize, even though he himself did not fully adhere to them. He would say to us, “Do this, avoid that—the religion commands such-and-such,” but he himself would overlook some rulings. When we grew older, we followed his example and drifted away from religion.
He said: Despite this chaotic upbringing, my father—may God forgive him and reward him for us—instilled in us the value of honesty. I remember a hadith my father would repeat to us, narrated by Ibn Mas’ud, may God be pleased with him, in which the Messenger of God, peace be upon him, said: “You must be truthful, for truthfulness leads to righteousness, and righteousness leads to Paradise. A man continues to be truthful and strives to be truthful until he is recorded with God as a truthful person. And beware of lying, for lying leads to wickedness, and wickedness leads to the Fire. A man continues to lie and strives to lie until he is recorded with God as a liar.” (Narrated by al-Bukhari and Muslim) The meaning of truthfulness resonated in my mind and took root in my heart, all thanks to God the Exalted.
The Descent into Sexual Madness
Years passed, and my religious upbringing weakened. I fell into bad company, consumed by social media and unrestricted internet access to pornographic sites. I mingled freely in college, university, the streets, and workplaces—an age when natural desires burn fiercely. So what was the result?
The result was what you, Dr. Iyad, described in your series The War on Fitrah: a state of “sexual madness.” I would sleep and wake up consumed by a single thought: How can I satisfy my desire? With whom? In what way? It didn’t matter—I just wanted to release the lust and madness I was trapped in.
The biggest gateway to desire was pornographic websites, which I gradually became addicted to. Over time, I realized they dragged me toward desires I once found repulsive—yet I couldn’t stop. There was no restraint over my lust, no religious deterrent to hold me back. I reached the point where I grew accustomed to ordinary pornographic scenes, so I began searching for even more obscene and filthy content—God forgive me and pardon me. To the point that I started looking at every woman around me with nothing but raw instinct—God protect me from that. My soul became completely distorted, and I detached myself from my innate nature. Yet I still believed I was in control of myself.
The Turning Point: The War on Fitrah Series
Then God, in His grace, favor, and mercy, guided me to your series, Dr. Iyad, titled The War on Fitrah. I listened to episodes that would make the hair of infants turn white. What affected me most was Episode Four: “Shocking Truths: Trading in the Name of Children’s and Adolescents’ Rights.” After watching it, I realized I had been led by the nose into the emotional state of sexual madness I was in.
I discovered I had been living a great lie propagated by human rights organizations—especially those concerned with women and children. I had even worked with them in a medical center and was baffled by some of what I saw, until I understood the reason after watching the episode. What broke my heart most was realizing that, because of my unchecked lust that drove me to consume pornography, I had become part of a system that trades in sex, human trafficking, and drugs. I was contributing to all these crimes; my consumption of these materials funded criminals and enabled them to expand their operations, trafficking more women and children.
I said to myself, “How many people have suffered because of people like me?” For a moment, I imagined the children and women being trafficked for sex, and I nearly died from the anguish. The devil tried to convince me: “It’s not that bad. What does it have to do with you?” But the value of honesty came to my aid, and I told myself clearly: “If I stay in this cycle, I am a criminal.”
Practical Steps of Repentance
I began to distance myself from anything that pushed me toward pornography with sincerity. The first thing that came to mind was social media. I asked myself: “What do I gain from Facebook, Instagram, or Snapchat?” The devil started reminding me: “Don’t delete them—they might bring you good reminders, or help you reconnect with family.” The devil even tried to guide me toward good! But by God’s grace, the value of honesty prevailed, and I deleted them all.
By God, Dr. Iyad, that’s when I truly began to live. I realized I had been enslaved by pornography, social media, and people’s opinions. Worse still, I thought I was a person of decision and character.
The Trial of Depression
Months after my repentance, I fell into a severe state of depression. People started distancing themselves from me. Even employers asked me to leave my job because I became unbearable—always sad, with nothing bringing me joy. I would wake up crying: “Why did I wake up?” Life had lost all meaning to me, to the point that I considered suicide.
I said to myself: “Give yourself a chance and go see a psychiatrist.” I was praying poorly, smoking, and using drugs when the opportunity arose. My tongue was loose, my gaze unchecked, I listened to songs, and I was disobedient and severed ties with family—yet I was surprised why I was depressed! Verses kept echoing in my mind:
“We will certainly make them taste some of the nearer punishment before the greater punishment, so that perhaps they may return.” (Surah Al-Sajdah, 32:21)
And:
“We did not wrong them, but it was they who wronged themselves.” (Surah Al-Tawbah, 9:70)
Full Return and Steadfastness
One day, I was smoking and advising a young man (whom I’ll call Ammar) who was complaining about financial hardship. I said to him, “Brother, pray so that God may grant you sustenance,” and I reminded him of the verse:
“And enjoin prayer upon your family and be steadfast therein. We ask you not for provision; We provide for you. And the [best] outcome is for [those of] righteousness.” (Surah Ta-Ha, 20:132)
Two weeks later, I saw Ammar with a completely different demeanor. He told me that God had granted him a shop and that he had committed to prayer. Ammar sent me a photo of a page from Surah Ta-Ha containing the verse I had mentioned to him. As I read the page in the depths of my sorrow, my eyes fell on the verse:
“So be patient over what they say and exalt [Allah] with praise of your Lord before the rising of the sun and before its setting; and during periods of the night [exalt Him], and at the ends of the day, that you may be satisfied.” (Surah Ta-Ha, 20:130)
I paused at the words “that you may be satisfied.” I said to myself, “This is what I’m missing—I am not satisfied!” I began sincerely reciting “Subhan Allah wa bihamdihi” (Glory be to God and praise Him) for ten days. Then I had a dream that my heart interpreted as God lifting my distress. I woke up a completely different person—overflowing with happiness and optimism.
I continued cleansing my life. One night, I watched a clip of you, Dr. Iyad, speaking about the pains of the Muslims. I wept, crushed the cigarettes in my hand, and said, “O God, I will leave this for Your sake. I cannot do much, but I will abandon this sin for You. Make me steadfast and help me.”
Fruits and Results
God honored me by helping me quit smoking. I began learning the rules of Quranic recitation, consistently prayed in congregation, grew my beard, and fasted on Mondays and Thursdays. God blessed me with righteous companions, a pious and supportive wife, and granted me a daughter and a son. Most beautifully, God made me a means of guiding my family and brothers. By God, I live in a happiness that only He knows.
Lessons and Takeaways from the Story
1. Etiquette with Parents and Fairness
Some youth, upon becoming steadfast, begin blaming their parents for their shortcomings. Despite his father’s harshness and inconsistency, our companion would say, “May God forgive my father and reward him well for me.” Steadfastness is not just about prayer and a beard; it is about a soft heart, kindness to parents, and mercy toward people.
2. Do Not Let the Mistakes of the Religious Be a Veil Over the Religion
Many people justify their distance from religion by citing a harsh father or the contradictions of a religious person. The mistakes of others do not absolve you of your duty to God.
But man will bear witness against himself, even if he offers excuses. (Quran 75:14-15)
3. The Impact of Instilled Principles
Never underestimate any value you instill in your child. The young man’s father planted the value of “honesty” in him, and despite years of going astray, this value was the lifeline that brought him back to God.
4. The Danger of Unrestricted Internet for Children
Leaving mobile phones and the internet unrestricted in the hands of children is a betrayal of trust. Do not say, “I trust my child.” The issue is distrust of those who seek to corrupt them. Do not throw your child into the sea bound and tell him, “Do not get wet.”
5. The Lie of “Venting” in Pornography
Pornography is not a vent; it is fire. The more you feed it, the more it burns. It distorts instinct and drags a person into what he once despised.
6. Working for God Bears Fruit, Even After a While
You may advise or share meaningful content and not see immediate results, but God places your words in the heart of someone at a time you do not expect. The “War on Instinct” series was the reason for this young man’s salvation.
7. Pornography is a Criminal System, Not an Individual Sin
When you watch, you fund human trafficking and sex trade. A sincere repentant person sees the ugliness of their participation in this unjust system and exits it immediately.
8. Honesty in Naming Sin
The first step to repentance is naming sin for what it is: “I am a criminal, I am sinful.” Do not cloak it in excuses or dull your conscience with the mercy of God to continue in disobedience.
9. Warding Off Harm Takes Precedence Over Seeking Benefits
If social media is a gateway to your sin, delete it. Do not deceive yourself with “benefits” or sermons within it, for the safety of your faith is more precious.
10. Migration from What Reminds of Sin
Whoever is sincere with God migrates from what leads him to sin, whether it is an application, a friend, or an environment. Just as the killer of a hundred souls left his land because it was “a land of evil.”
11. True Freedom Lies in Servitude to God
Freedom is not in doing what you want; it is in not being led by your desires where they wish.
Is he who was dead and We gave him life and made for him a light by which he walks among the people, like one who is in darkness, never to emerge from it? (Quran 6:122)
12. Patience with Beginnings and Trials
Repentance does not mean the effects disappear immediately. You may face depression or hardship as a test of your sincerity. Burn your bridges of return and do not test God; instead, cross the shore with sincerity.
13. Reverence for God is the Lifeline
Even in your deepest confusion, maintain reverence for God’s symbols in your heart. This reverence is what made our companion refuse to listen to blasphemy or protect the houses of God, and it was the rope that pulled him out.
14. Necessity of Turning to God in Repentance
One of the greatest moments of answered supplication is when you are forced to turn to God to help you against yourself. “O Lord, I cannot do this. You are the Almighty; take me by the hand.” This renunciation of your own power is the key to opening the door.
Conclusion and Message
To those following us while trapped in the snare of pornography: God has brought you this story to be a means of guidance for you, and you will be asked about it. What application will you delete now? What relationship will you end tonight?
Do not be deceived by God’s delay and say, “I will repent tomorrow,” for who told you your heart will remain alive until you are granted the opportunity to repent?
And know that God intervenes between a person and their heart, and that to Him you will be gathered. (Quran 8:24)
O God, O Ever-Living, O Self-Subsisting, guide every servant who hears us now, purify our sight, preserve our instinct, and let us meet You while You are pleased with us.
Our final supplication is that all praise is for God, Lord of the worlds.