Addendum - Marriage Proposal
Peace be upon you and the mercy of Allah. Please excuse us, esteemed guests, we are a bit late. Sometimes, time can be troublesome for me, and we encountered a minor technical issue.
Esteemed brothers, it is common among our youth to imitate Westerners and be infatuated with them in everything. Among these imitations is their practice of what is known as a marriage proposal or "marriage proposal."
The Problem of Imitating the West in Marriage Proposals
The glamorous image of youth that they see in movies: a young man and woman have been together for a while, then the young man decides one day to surprise her, he kneels down and opens a ring box for her, and does not give her a paper or a bouquet of roses to express that he wants to marry her. The girl is happy, and the young man takes her and flies with her in the air amidst the applause of the attendees.
Unfortunately, the Muslim young
Comparison from the Islamic Perspective
When some girls say, "I won't get married before the engagement period," what kind of engagement is this? If it is a lawful engagement and meetings at the family home, then I support these meetings. I also support not rushing into marriage so that each party can test the other's psychology, sincerity, honesty, faith, and mental balance. I encourage not rushing into marriage. I encourage the young man to sit with the girl once, twice, three, four, and five times until he is actually assured of their compatibility with each other, by the will of God.
But notice, people, how some girls repeat the phrase: "Just because you paid the mahr doesn't mean you bought her." The mahr is a purchase! May God guide you, the mahr is a purchase! What happens in these Western contexts is buying, enslaving, and humiliating the dignity of women.
Compare what you heard with what happens in our Muslim societies, with all their flaws and distance from religion. The young man gives the mahr, a duty from God. He is not doing you a favor by marrying you; it is beautiful of him, it is your right. The Prophet, peace be upon him, says: "Be victorious with a woman of faith, and your hands will be blessed." You are the victor, the one who marries a woman of faith. You are the one who benefits, not the one who does her a favor by marrying her and giving her a chance to be a mother.
If there is boredom and dryness in the marital life of many Muslim husbands, this is not from Islam, young men and women. This is not from Islam nor from traditional marriage, but from our abandonment of the Sunnah of our Prophet, peace be upon him, even in his gentle gestures in marital life, which we discussed in the episode "Nada complains to Aisha."
In the authentic hadith of Al-Mughira bin Shu'ba, may God be pleased with him, he proposed to a woman, and the Prophet, peace be upon him, said: "Look at her, for it is more likely to bring harmony between you." You want to marry the girl, go look at her, make sure her beauty is suitable for you. She also looks at you and sees your beauty, sees your character. "More likely to bring harmony between you," meaning love and mercy will come between you.
The Prophet, peace be upon him, used to play with her and she with him in the morning, and the other narration: "Play with her and laugh with her and she laughs with you." The essence of marital life should be moist and beautiful, but we have distanced ourselves from the Sunnah of our Prophet even in moistening our relationships in our marital life.
Conclusion
Oh people, young men and women, after what you have seen, by God, is it right and acceptable? You are the nation of Muhammad, followers of the best of prophets and messengers, the best nation brought forth to humanity. By God, will you accept your condition and imitate them? The original condition is not to be so disgusted that you cannot stand to see any of these scenes? Feel that you are a noble Muslim, you have your identity, your independence, and your dignity, and you do not imitate anyone. They are the ones who should imitate us, they are the ones who should imitate us in honoring women, empowering women, and elevating the status of women, as well as in deepening love and mercy in family relationships built on loyalty, love, and drawing closer to God, the Most High, by each party doing good to the other, not on lowly sexual pleasures that soon pass, leaving the woman afterward with what she did not deserve from the one who violated her dignity before that with the forbidden for years. And God is the one sought for help.
I ask God, the Great Lord of the Great Throne, to guide our young men and women to what He loves and is pleased with, and to gather us with you at the Pool of the Prophet, peace be upon him. Peace be upon you and the mercy of God.