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[In the manager's office] Manager: Why were you late? Woman: I'm sorry, sir, I had a situation. Manager: Don't be late again. Work is disrupted in your absence. Woman: Understood. Manager: Tomorrow, be seated in the office at eight in the morning.
[In her office] Woman: The manager's tone was harsh, but perhaps he is right. His nervousness is justified; it's in the interest of work. Even if I was upset, I have to bear it; this is my job, my source of success and independence. I don't want to depend on anyone. I don't want to depend on anyone.
What made her reject her husband's guardianship and his interference... and yet understand the manager's interference and respect his orders?! What makes her accept the manager's question with an open heart if he asks her: "What did you do during working hours?" And stand before him respectfully, asking permission: "May I leave work and return at such and such time?" At the same time, she sees asking her husband for permission as humiliating?
And we won't talk about institutions and managers who impose on female employees what they should and shouldn't wear. What made her understand the interest of work and bear the manager's nervousness? Especially if there is no other job opportunity. While if her husband gets angry: she panics, challenges, and demands separation, then posts on her account: Celebrating divorce, meaning: I celebrate divorce...
What made her reject the authority of one man: her husband or her father? To then accept the authority of a number of foreign men to her, few or many according to the administrative structure, who change and vary... so it is not safe that someone with little integrity and corrupted morals controls her. In the end: what made her replace what is worse with what is better?
The "balance" of material authority versus legitimate guardianship. The role of materialism and external influences. The distorted perception of guardianship.
Correct interpretation of "الرجال قوامون على النساء" (Men are the protectors and maintainers of women). Guardianship as a duty and responsibility. Conditions for guardianship: manhood/favors and financial support.
Critique of absolute equality as a sole criterion. Islam's emphasis on justice and wisdom in differentiating roles. Examples of Islamic justice without absolute equality.
The role of love, mercy, and grace in marriage. Interpretation of "وللرجال عليهن درجة" (And they (men) have a degree over them (women)).
The necessity of a leader in any institution, including the family. The importance of the family in Islam. The wife's role in discussion and obedience.
Distinguishing between misuse and the principle itself. Mechanisms to address abuse.
Woman's spending as a favor, not a transfer of guardianship.
Consequences of neglecting financial support on guardianship. Woman's options in such a situation.
The Sharia as a refuge, not an adversary.
Reasonable financial support according to means.
Encouragement for patience and mutual grace. The woman's reward for helping her husband.
The importance of educating people about their rights and duties.
Academic qualifications are not the sole criterion for guardianship. Addressing cases of mental incapacity.
The importance of avoiding excessive debate. The role of affection and wisdom in resolving issues.
Her experience with European women and appreciation for Islamic guardianship. Her question about seeking Allah's forgiveness. Concluding prayer.
Alright, what does "Qawamah" mean? Can it be that we, as men, misunderstand Qawamah, and thus our wives sometimes reject what is actually rejected by Islamic law? Alright, and why is there Qawamah in the first place? Why can't all family decisions be made jointly, with the woman's opinion weighing the same as the man's? Isn't the original principle that there should be absolute equality between men and women? Is the man's Qawamah simply due to his biological maleness? Because he has a Y chromosome while the female has an X chromosome?
Well, what if the husband refuses to spend on his wife and take care of her, does he still have Qawamah? What if the wife is the one who spends on the household and on her husband? Doesn't she have the right to have Qawamah in this case? What if the wife is a doctor and the husband is not educated at all? Why does he have Qawamah in this case? Doesn't Qawamah open the door for the man to dominate the woman? What about the sister who went to the land of flowers (Holland) and what she saw there and the message she sent to us? All these questions, dear viewers, we will answer them in today's episode, which is one of the most important episodes, so stay with us.
What made the woman rebel and reject the authority of the husband and his Qawamah, while she accepts the authority of the manager, or perhaps a group of foreign men? The issue is a balance; in one of its pans is the legal Qawamah, and in the other is the authority of the material system. The authority of the material system has been beautified for the woman, while Qawamah has been tarnished by our enemies and by the bad practices of many Muslims. And the balance that this woman uses is a flawed one; it is set to the standard of equality, not justice, so the result was that the pan of material authority outweighed, and the pan of legal Qawamah was neglected.
In an era of materialism, the manager is her benefactor, helping her achieve economic empowerment, which we talked about. And which deceived her with (Rambo) and (Curaga). So, the manager's authority is part of the material system that achieves for the woman the independence of the deified human, who is deified for her desires, as we explained in the episode: "The Deified Woman." While Qawamah is the command of Allah, so it is belittled by the deified woman. This woman belittles Qawamah, following her belittling of the "institution of the family." In contrast, she exalts the institutions that achieve material production. She belittles the values and meanings of faith and the hereafter for which the family was established, in contrast to her exaltation of material values. And we must not forget the tyranny of materialism not only over the woman but also over society and its men. So much so that many men evaluate women based on their acquisition of money, and this has reflected on her view of herself.
On the other hand... the concept of Qawamah and authority of the man over the woman, whether father, brother, or husband, is distorted for the woman by bad practices at times, and by the enemies of the religion distorting these concepts at other times. So, many women have a system of entrenched stereotypes, emotions, and unconsciousness; it has been reformulated, and she judges the verses and hadiths with this system without realizing it. She starts from the complex of victimhood... she may have been wronged indeed, but her feeling of injustice extended to include all men; even to feel injustice from Allah the Almighty!
If she heard: "Men are the protectors and maintainers of women, because Allah has made one of them to excel the other, and because of what they spend out of their wealth" [An-Nisa: 34], she heard it in the following way: Men have the right to dominate and control you, because they are better than you, and they spend on you, so they can buy your freedom and dignity with their money, and impose a debt on you for this expenditure, under the banner of "Qawamah and Wilayah." Exactly as happens to those suffering from schizophrenia with what is called "Paranoia" (the suspicion that a conspiracy is being plotted against him, hearing an internal voice that interprets what is said to him within the framework of a conspiracy theory).
While the verse in reality, for those who have understood the matter of their Lord and believed in His wisdom and justice, "Men are the protectors and maintainers of women" [An-Nisa: 34] means: Responsible for the affairs of women, concerned with their affairs. This is an order from Allah to men to take care of women, protect them, spend on them, and provide for their needs, not expose them to humiliation, nor leave them as prey for wolves, as we saw in the episode: "The Liberation of the Western Woman."
Qawamah: A duty incumbent upon the man towards the woman, whether she is his wife, sister, daughter, or otherwise, according to the legal order of his position towards the woman. This duty is not a right of the man that he can waive, but it is an obligation upon him for which he is sinful if he abandons it. Thus, the woman in the Islamic system does not lack a man who takes care of her and provides for her needs, unless she herself desires it. If she lacks that man, the state provides for her needs, and the ruler is the guardian of those who have no guardian. Thus, Qawamah is your right upon men. Qawamah means that he defends you, and your honor, and ransoms you with himself if the matter requires it, and triumphs for you if your dignity is affronted in the slightest, not as happens in the modern Western world.
Protectors; and those whom the Rambos and the Qaraa'iq have incited to reject this Qawamah, under the banner of "economic empowerment," many of them have fallen into the trap, borrowed from the Qaraa'iq, then were unable to repay, so the state came - the state which, in the Islamic system, should provide for the woman if she needs it - came to imprison the women or humiliate them, after having lured them into rejecting the legal Qawamah. So when the woman exchanged what is better for what is worse, she was exchanged from the Qawamah of her family to imprisonment (Qaraa'iq).
"Men are the protectors and maintainers of women" [An-Nisa: 34], these men who are protectors must lead the family. This is a responsibility before it is a right. And they - according to this responsibility - have the obedience of women to them in what is of their rights upon them, such as that the woman does not leave her house without her husband's permission.
"Because Allah has made one of them to excel the other" [An-Nisa: 34], and He did not say: Because He has made them excel over them, nor, because He has made men excel over women. But, because Allah has made some of them excel over others. He has made men excel in rulings and duties, and He has made women excel in rulings and duties. This distinction takes into account the wise consideration of what has been placed in the creation of woman of emotion, and physical and mental abilities, which qualify her to be entrusted with the upbringing of children, and to be a warm and comforting bosom for her husband, as it is for her. And this distinction takes into account what has been placed in the creation of man of physical, mental, and psychological abilities, which make him more capable of earning a living and making good decisions.
"And because of what they spend out of their wealth" [An-Nisa: 34], this second pillar, for the man to have the right and responsibility of leading the family; the man who spends, toils, protects, and takes care... is the one who makes the decisions in the end, and bears their responsibility, and pays their price. Well, what if the man does not spend? If he does not fulfill his duty? His Qawamah is exposed to collapse. He abandons his duties, and with them, his rights fall, as we will detail.
Thus, Qawamah is conditioned by two conditions:
And this is very important for men and women to know. Qawamah is not merely by your maleness, nor because you carry the Y chromosome, while the female carries the X chromosome. Nor because you have the hormone (testosterone), and she has (estrogen), as some of the losers, the negligent, and those who shirk their duties do, then they raise the sword of Qawamah and Wilayah over the woman. Qawamah is linked to your fulfillment of the duties of Qawamah.
After reviewing the material adornment of authority and the distortion of the legal authority, let us now examine the imbalance of the scale that balances them... The woman who is repulsed by authority because she does not equate between the man and the woman, or when she says, "Why is it not permitted for a woman to strike her husband as a disciplinary measure?" or "Why is it not permitted in Islam for a woman to marry four men?" Notice that the premise from which she starts in all of this is that equality is the absolute true standard. She starts from this principle as if it were an axiom not to be questioned, then she measures the rulings of Islam to this standard, and it did not occur to her to ask if her own standard is correct!
The supreme value of Islam - to which everything is judged - is the obedience to Allah - Glorified is He -, who made His religion established upon truth and justice, not necessarily equality; for equality is sometimes right and just, and sometimes it is wrong and false. No rational person denies the existence of a difference between man and woman in physical, psychological, emotional composition, and in abilities and talents, and consequently, each has rights and duties that suit them. This is a clear rational matter. Attempting to impose the duties of the man on the woman and giving her his rights will result in a repulsion of the nature of the woman. The Western woman has been subjected to injustice by the man, and the recourse to divine revelation that clarifies rights and duties with justice was not presented to her, so she chose equality, and the result was that she did not achieve for herself any right, nor justice, nor freedom, nor equality, as we explained in the episode: (Liberation of the Woman), and the Western woman moved from one injustice to another; for the equality of the woman with the man is an injustice to her!
In Islam and its preserved revelation, Allah - Glorified is He - who distinguished between the genders in physical, psychological, and emotional composition, legislated - Glorified is He - for each of them rulings that suit them, based on truth and justice. "Does He not know who has created and He is the Most Subtle, the All-Aware?" [Al-Mulk: 14] Islam did not equate between the righteousness of the father and the righteousness of the mother, but rather preferred the righteousness of the mother, and in that, it was established upon truth and justice. Islam did not equate when it obligated the man to provide for the house entirely for the woman and their children, while it did not obligate the woman to provide for anything! So even if she is wealthy, and wealthier than her husband, she is not obligated to provide. Islam did not equate when it obligated jihad upon the man to protect the woman, and did not obligate it upon the woman to protect the man. Islam did not equate when it permitted the woman to wear gold and silk, and prohibited that for the man. Islam did not equate when it made the right of custody for the mother over the father upon separation of the spouses, and Islam in all of this was realizing truth and justice by the inequality between the genders.
The worship of Allah - Glorified is He - means: deriving the standards from Allah. While the deification of man leads - in the end - to the loss of truth, justice, freedom, and equality, especially in the matter of the woman as we have explained. The believer woman submits with love, dignity, and glorification to the command of her Lord who says: "And do not wish for that by which Allah has made some of you exceed others. For men is a share of what they have earned, and for women is a share of what they have earned. And ask Allah of His bounty. Indeed, Allah is ever Knowing of all things" [An-Nisa: 32]. Do not wish for things that Allah has bestowed upon the man, just as it is not appropriate for him to wish for things that are bestowed upon the woman. But rather, all of you believe in the justice and wisdom of Allah, and yet... within the circle of what Allah has given you: utilize it and ask Him for His bounty, and look at the gifts of Allah after that, a Lord who created the male and the female commands what is just for the male and the female.
Allah - Glorified is He - says: "The righteous women are devoutly obedient, guarding in [the husband's] absence what Allah would have them guard" [An-Nisa: 34]. And among its meanings: guard the right of the man, O woman, in return for what Allah has guarded of your right upon the man. For the one in whom the scale is imbalanced, authority in her perception is control, domination, and humiliation, and if we put things in their proper place, you will know that authority is: care, protection, reassurance, comfort, and harmony with the nature and innate disposition of the woman, and a right granted to her by her Lord. If you understand this principle and the scale is balanced within you: then look to the sky of the Sharia: do you see any flaw? Do you see any defect or deficiency? No, by Allah, you will not see any defect! For He who perfected His creation has perfected His Sharia.
After this, come and let us answer many questions we hear about the topic; to see how it is indeed a Sharia of truth, justice, and favor.
What if the spouses disagree, and each of them says to the other, "Do your duties towards me so that I may give you your rights?" We say: the original principle is that marriage is built upon affection, mercy, and intimacy. Each of the spouses performs what is upon them and more with love and willingness. It is not an accounting institution where each party holds the other accountable as if they were partners in dispute over shares. If a dispute occurs, the recourse should be to the judge of affection and mercy who Allah has placed between them: "And He has made between you affection and mercy" [Ar-Rum: 21]. And when the words "my right" and "your duty" are frequently used, this is an indication that the institution of marriage is no longer fulfilling what it was established for. All companies can achieve justice, but the company of marriage: it only achieves favor.
Alright... beautiful words, but if everyone insists on their position, we enter a vicious cycle: -Do your duty. -No, you do it. Who are we more inclined towards? Who is more demanding of understanding and forgiveness? We say: the demanders are the men; Allah -exalted be He- says in Surah Al-Baqarah: "And they (women) have rights similar to those (of men) over them in kindness, but men have a degree over them" [Al-Baqarah: 228].
Listen to how beautiful the words of the interpreter, Imam Ibn Jarir Al-Tabari, are after he mentioned the opinions in the interpretation of this verse: Al-Tabari -may Allah have mercy on him- said: "The most appropriate of these opinions in the interpretation of the verse is what Ibn Abbas said: that the degree which Allah -exalted be He- mentioned in this place is the forgiveness of the man to his wife for some of her duties and his overlooking it and fulfilling all his duties towards her." Until Al-Tabari said: "This is the meaning that Ibn Abbas intended by saying: 'I do not like to claim all my rights over her; because Allah -exalted be He- says: 'And for men is a degree over them' [Al-Baqarah: 228]." The meaning of the degree is the rank and status, meaning: O man, forgive and bear, overlook if your wife falls short with you and overlook her mistakes and you fulfill what is upon you and do not say to her: "Do what is upon you so that I can do what is upon me," but rather earn this degree with Allah through forgiveness and bearing and fulfilling what is upon you. Then Al-Tabari said: "This statement from Allah -exalted be He- although its apparent meaning is the news, its meaning is the meaning of urging men to take over women with excellence so that they have a degree of excellence over them." Meaning the verse is not news -O man- that you have a degree over the woman just because of your masculinity, nor because you carry the "Y chromosome" and she carries the "X chromosome," but you have a degree if you possess these morals of forgiveness and understanding. "O mankind, indeed We have created you from male and female and made you peoples and tribes that you may know one another. Indeed, the most noble of you in the sight of Allah is the most righteous of you. Indeed, Allah is Knowing and Acquainted" [Al-Hujurat: 13]. And Al-Razi has beautiful words similar to the words of Al-Tabari in one of the aspects of the interpretation of: "And for men is a degree over them." Imagine what some husbands do when they fall short in performing what is upon them to the extreme of shortcoming and demand from the woman what is upon her under the banner: "The leadership is mine, and I have a degree over you," thus reversing the concept of the verse. The man who has this degree and works according to what raises him to its level is the one who has the rule and obedience in managing the family institution, and the institution of marriage with this degree as well, and he is the one who will bear the responsibilities and consequences of the decision no matter how difficult they are, with this degree as well.
Alright, and why is there leadership in the first place? Why are not all the decisions of the family made jointly, and the woman's opinion with the same weight as the man's opinion? - Do you mean by consultation? Meaning: the husband consults you in what affects your life and then he decides? - No, no, by joint. - Okay, how by joint and you are two? That is, a joint number, and it is necessary to resolve the final outcome, in all companies and institutions and schools and universities, it is necessary to have a head, it is necessary to have a leader, and if the board of directors of any institution is even in number, a person is added -necessarily- to make the number odd; because it is necessary to have a decisive factor at the end, some women understand this well, but she does not understand it in the institution of the family! But she refuses to have the husband the final decision, and insists that the man and the woman are equal in running the family, and that all decisions must be made jointly, which is an impossible obligation, it is necessary for her to agree on every decision, otherwise it is tyranny from the husband, and masculinity, and misuse of leadership. -In her view-; so the family collapses or the life of everyone becomes miserable for the most trivial reasons, and a discussion arises on every matter, and how many couples have separated and divorced before the wedding; due to conflicts of this kind, and this -once again- is a result of the trivialization of the institution of the family in contrast to the glorification of institutions that achieve material production. She trivializes the family because she has not understood -as many men also- the concept of the family in Islam, so they get married to satisfy their instincts of attraction to the opposite sex and the instinct of fatherhood and motherhood only, and as a (decor) social, because people get married so I got married, while in Islam: the family is the cornerstone in establishing the matter of Allah and the development of the earth and the strength of the nation against its enemies; it is more important than all institutions, so we say to the wife: discuss, express your opinion, and in the hadith of Bukhari and Muslim: that the wives of the Prophet -peace be upon him- used to consult him, meaning: they would discuss with him and disagree with him in opinion in some worldly matters, but in the end: the woman obeys her husband in what he takes as a decision even if it contradicts her opinion unless it is disobedience.
You may say: I also spend on the house, so do I have a right to leadership? We say to you: by your spending on the house, you have waived a right of yours. This is a waiver from you and a kindness, but it does not transfer the leadership to you. The leadership is a fixed matter for men who spend. If the woman waives or does good, she has a reward. But this is one thing, and the right of leadership is another thing. "And do not wish for that by which Allah has made some of you exceed others" [An-Nisa: 32].
You may say: "I spend not out of generosity, but because my husband is neglectful and does not spend enough on the household." We say: The responsibility of maintenance (qiwamah) is stipulated in the Quran with two conditions: "Because Allah has made some of you exceed others and because they spend from their wealth" [An-Nisa: 34]. If the husband refuses to provide maintenance despite his ability to do so, he has neglected his duty of maintenance, lost its reason, and his maintenance becomes dependent on the woman's satisfaction and acceptance. That makes sense! We thought he would be sinning, but the maintenance still remains his! No, and this matter is not controversial among scholars; they are unanimous on this.
Alright, what should the woman do in this case? She has options: She may take from his money without his permission what is sufficient for her and her children in a reasonable manner, or she may resort to Islamic court to enforce the husband to provide maintenance against his will, she may spend from her own money and the maintenance remains a debt on her husband, or she may borrow with the judge's order a debt that remains on the husband, or she may remain on her husband's maintenance but not allow him to treat her as a wife, but she leaves his house and moves to her parents' house, so the maintenance becomes on her father or brother for example - meaning she transfers from one maintenance to another and does not lack someone to bear her responsibility - or she may request separation between her and her husband. What - O Yiad - have we turned it into a lesson in jurisprudence?! No, but all of this is confirmation of a very important meaning... that if a man abandons the responsibilities of maintenance, he is exposed to the loss of his rights. Maintenance is not for him just because of his masculinity, and the woman will not be left to his mercy and be told: bear his injustice in this world and you will have the reward in the Hereafter. But Islam gives her justice in this world and the Hereafter.
What about the husbands who smoke, and prioritize their smoke over the maintenance of their wives and children! Maintenance is protection for the wife, and repelling what harms her. What about when the husband is the one who harms her by smoking in the house, and the bundle of diseases he causes her by that! What about the families who, when the benefactors come to help them, the wife -rightly- says to the benefactor: By Allah, do not give the money to my husband; he will buy smoke with it and leave me and my children! Allah -the Most High- said: "And do not give the foolish your property, which Allah has made for you a means of support" [An-Nisa: 5]. And the verse is originally for men not to be given money to foolish children. While in our societies, there are men who this verse applies to. And with all of this, they think they have maintenance just because of their masculinity.
You may say: My husband does not fulfill my financial rights or others, mistreats me, and I cannot resort to my family, or to the court, or I resorted but they did not give me justice, and I am forced to live with him; my family is poor, or not ready to receive me. We say to you -in this case-: Remember that the one who oppressed you is not the Sharia, nor the principle of maintenance. It is possible that your husband, your family, the society far from the Sharia, the judge, the state oppressed you. As for the Sharia, it is your refuge, not your opponent -O sister- so the occurrence of oppression on you should push you to support the Sharia that supports you, and prevents oppression on you and others. The Sharia is your refuge, not your opponent.
Alright, what is the maintenance we are talking about? It is not a burdensome maintenance for the husband, but "Let a man of means spend from his ease, and he whose provision is restricted, let him spend from what Allah has given him" [At-Talaq: 7]. And it is not required of him to compete in luxuries, and compete in material things, then be told: do it otherwise you lose maintenance. But Islam fights the culture of material consumption, the exhaustion of families, and the threat to their stability.
Alright, what if the husband is unable to provide maintenance; the economic situation in the lands of the Muslims is as you see, and many men lose their jobs, and their businesses collapse? This matter is differed upon by the jurists, but we encourage the woman -in this case- to be patient with her husband's difficult situation, and to remember Allah's -the Most High- saying: "And do not forget mutual kindness among yourselves" [Al-Baqarah: 237]. But, he who puts things in their right place, should remind both parties -in this case- that this patience is a favor from the woman, not a duty upon her, but a kindness from her, so the husband should appreciate this loyalty and kindness, and count her position in her favor, and increase his tolerance for her mistakes. And when she knows that her kindness is appreciated, her soul is pleased with this generosity.
The man's difficult situation is a source of psychological distress for the woman who is naturally inclined to depend on others for maintenance; she has a psychological and emotional need for someone to spend on her, even if she has money. And the husband should understand that -if he sees disturbance and narrow-mindedness from her- when his material situation becomes difficult, and know that she suffers as he suffers; so his chest should expand for her. And we say to her also: among the reasons for your husband's difficult situation: the corruption of the oppressors, and the theft of criminals from the money of the Muslims; so be a helper to your husband. The disintegration of families will not add to the Muslims except humiliation, degradation, and control by the criminals, who have ruined your life and his life. "Have mercy on those on earth, and the One in the heaven will have mercy on you" (Sunan At-Tirmidhi: Hasan Sahih). And if the woman honors her husband -in this case-, and helps him, she will have a great reward. For in the hadith -which Al-Bukhari narrated- that Zainab -the wife of Abdullah ibn Masud- sent to ask the Prophet -peace be upon him-: "Does it suffice for me that I spend on my husband and orphans under my care?" -her husband was not able to provide maintenance for her-, so our Prophet -peace be upon him- said: "Yes, she has two rewards, the reward of kinship and the reward of charity" (Sahih Al-Bukhari). A doubled reward; because she gave charity to her husband. Charity! Yes, charity. It is called she gave charity to her husband; because she is not obligated to do so. And yet her reward is doubled.
But -oh brother- mentioning this speech -even with all these controls- may embolden some women. What do you want?! Should we remain silent about teaching people their legal rights and duties? Should we leave them ignorant? She does not know her rights. And if she knows them and demands them, her husband will not give them to her; so should she not know them from the beginning? No, there is no greater interest than that people -men and women- know the greatness of their Lord's law, and their hearts are reassured by the justice and wisdom of their Lord. This is more important than preserving families accompanied by suspicion of Allah and His law, which the woman breastfeeds her children. When the rule of the law is imposed on everyone, everyone is treated fairly. And only the sick at heart and the followers of desire object. And people have not abandoned anything of Allah's command except that Allah made them more in need of it. And when every party clings to the law with what pleases him, and is annoyed if asked about his duties, then he becomes like the hypocrites who rule over people in the name of the law, while they themselves are far from it. "And when they are called to Allah and His Messenger to judge between them, behold, a party of them turn away and refuse (to come). But if the right is with them, they come to him willingly." (An-Nur: 48-49) And these people were not given authority over the Muslims except when selective dealing with the religion of the Lord of the worlds spread among the Muslims.
Alright, what if the wife holds a PhD, and her husband is not educated at all, why does he still have the responsibility of maintenance? Firstly -oh honorable ones- university education is not a measure of useful knowledge, nor of sound thinking. And even if we assume that some women have more religious knowledge and wisdom than their husbands, it remains that Islam brings general rules that suit humanity. However, if some men lack these abilities due to psychological illnesses that actually prevent him from making appropriate decisions, and the woman tried to cover that but he does not respond, affecting her life, then in this case, she can ask for the intervention of wise people from her family and his family, or the intervention of Islamic judiciary, and he still has the right of maintenance in what is actually his right as long as his illness or weak thinking does not take him out of the circle of rational responsible people. And the general principle remains on its basis: that the responsibility of maintenance is for men in general. Special cases do not undermine it, and we do not say: because there are exceptional cases, this undermines the Islamic legislation that the responsibility of maintenance is for the man.
Alright, if the man is fulfilling his duties -whether as a father or a husband- not neglecting the rights of the woman, but he issues orders without cause, preventing the woman from going out to a place without stating the reasons, and even refuses to discuss. Isn't this misuse that allows her to disobey him? We say -oh honorable ones and honorable women-: the principle of discussing every decision with the husband and frequent arguing is one of the things that most corrupts the harmony of Muslim homes. Yes, it is the right of the husband not to allow his wife to go out to a place without stating the reasons, and his wife must obey him unless that prevents her from learning the necessary religious knowledge, or maintaining the minimum level of her family ties, or receiving treatment, for example. But other than that, it is not required of him to explain and convince in every situation.
However, when the matter reaches an exaggeration by the husband, the problem is not in the responsibility of maintenance, but these problems usually arise from a weakness of affection. "And among His signs is that He created for you from yourselves mates that you may find tranquility in them, and He placed between you affection and mercy." (Ar-Rum: 21). If affection weakens, the husband may prevent his wife from what she loves as a means of expressing his displeasure. Your role here -oh honorable woman- is to think about how to appease your husband, and to realize that this responsibility in general is indispensable for you. It may come with strictness that contradicts your legitimate desires, so you can try to achieve these desires in the best way. But abandoning the responsibility of maintenance as a whole is not an option.
In conflicts between men, you may be angry, emotional, annoyed, shouting at your opponent, frowning at him, and waiting for him to respond to you; to increase your emotion and anger, and he gives you the final blow. What is the final blow? He says to you: in any case, I am sorry if I wronged you, I did not intend but good. And he withdraws calmly, leaving you to yourself. A weakness of extreme strength turns you in your eyes from an oppressed person to an oppressor, and from a person ready for battle to an apologetic person whom you try to appease. This is between men. But what about the wise woman who knows that the strongest thing in her is her weakness, so she holds her husband's hand, and coaxes him, breaks his harshness, breaks his pride, and takes him over with her weakness, love, and femininity. But if the man returns from the pressures of life and the burdens of work that he spends on his house, and then he sees in the house a rival woman who wants to challenge him or argue with him in every matter, then affection disappears and grudges take its place.
This is the story of the responsibility of maintenance. When the complete picture is presented, the woman understands well the saying of her Prophet -peace be upon him-: "By the One in whose hand is the soul of Muhammad, a woman does not fulfill the right of her Lord until she fulfills the right of her husband." (Graded as Hasan by Al-Albani, Irwa Al-Ghaleel). A man who protects her, shelters her, suffices her, preserves her dignity, deserves that from her. Rather, she asks for his responsibility by nature and instinct. When the Islamic legislation is put in its correct context, many of the repelled souls are reassured, and what was a suspicion becomes a source of pride, and the Muslim woman realizes that she was born with this golden spoon in her mouth, but she did not feel its value; because she did not see the complete sad story of those who lost the blessing of the responsibility of maintenance, -which we talked about in "Liberating the Western Woman"-. The legal responsibility of maintenance -as imposed by Allah- is a dream for the Western woman, and for the non-Muslim Eastern woman, who often shares the rent with her husband, or (in English) her close friend. And she may be thrown into the street if she does not pay.
To conclude, a Muslim girl who went to the Netherlands - the land of flowers - to pursue higher education contacted us. Doubts piled up on her, so she messaged the wife of one of my friends, telling her that she had lost her faith in Islam and her love for Allah. Months passed. Then, she sent us a long message a few days ago expressing her return to her Lord after following "The Journey of Certainty," "The Woman Series," and "The Series of the Psychology of the Self" by our brother Dr. Abdul Rahman Zakir. Among what the sister said in her message: "I love Allah because He created me as a Muslim, because He gave me a family who loves me, a father, a mother, and brothers who fear for me, and ask about the smallest details of my life. Your series, Dr. Iyad, about women, I saw every word of it literally. I saw it with my own eyes. In the last four months I was in the Netherlands, I lived in a university dorm with European girls, and I saw the amazing things about their black lives. I appreciated the value of chastity and purity that Muslim women have, and the great blessing of family: the father, the brother, the support, who think about me while I am on the other side of the world. While the European girl lives next to her father, and he does not look at her, nor does he ask about her. By Allah, I am very sad about the condition of European women and I feel pity for them. I had a Dutch friend who told me that she is in a hurry to get a job because her family is tired of her being in their house. And another German girl who had a fight with her (in English) close friend, so he kicked her out of his house. And now, after I was a feminist to the core, I appreciate the blessing of having a family to live with, honored and respected, and they feel responsible for me."
Of course, far be it from us - esteemed ones - to make a mistake by leaving the girl alone in a European country, but the witness is that she felt the value of the pillar after seeing its absence in the land of flowers. This sister, who was angry at the Sharia, ended her message with her question: "What should I do so that my Lord forgives me for my bad manners with Him when I objected to Him?" I have sought His forgiveness - Glorified is He - and I think that He loves me because He guided me after I was lost. But please advise me on what I should do so that He is pleased with me." So we say to the noble sister: "Say, O My servants who have transgressed against themselves, do not despair of the mercy of Allah. Indeed, Allah forgives all sins. Indeed, it is He who is the Forgiving, the Merciful." [Az-Zumar: 53]. May Allah make the publication of her story and its effect a reason for His pleasure with her. O Allah, make faith beloved to us and adorn it in our hearts, and make disbelief, debauchery, and disobedience hateful to us, and make us among the rightly guided. Peace be upon you and the mercy of Allah.