I am Free
(Acting Scene)
Yes, he is my husband,
but this does not mean that
he has the right to control me.
He can't ask me: Where are you going?
Where did you come from?
I am an independent person
Ask for his permission
before leaving my house?
ME ask for HIS permission?
Am I a minor to seek his permission
as if he is my guardian?
The fact that he's my husband
doesn't mean he owns me
I'm not his slave!
(At the office)
The manager: Why are you late?
The woman: "I am sorry, sir.
I had an issue."
The manager:
"Don't be late again.
The work was delayed
by your absence."
The woman:
"Understood"
The manager: "Make sure you clock-in
at eight sharp tomorrow morning."
The woman:
"Understood"
(At her desk)
The woman: "The manager was harsh.
However, he might be right.
His temper was justified;
It's for the good of the company.
Even if it upsets me
I must put up with it.
This is my job: the source of
my success and independence.
I don't want to depend on anyone.
I do not want to depend on anyone!"
What made her reject
her husband's Qiwamah
(authority, responsibility & protection)
and refuse his interference?
While she understands
her manager's interference
and respects his orders?
What makes her easily accept the
manager's question when he asks her,
"What did you do during working hours?"
and stand in front politely
to request permission,
"May I leave work and
return at a later hour?"
while she considers asking
her husband's permission demeaning?
Not to mention
the institutions and managers
who impose upon female employees
what to wear and what not to wear!
What makes her understand
the good of the company
and endure the manager's temper
—especially if there are no
other job opportunities—
while, if her husband gets angry
she bristles, defies him
seeks separation,
then posts on her account:
"Celebrating divorce"!
What made her reject the authority of
one man; her husband or her father
then accept the authority of other
strange men;
men with no Qiwamah over her?
whether few or many
depending on the job hierarchy
Different men who come and go;
so there's no guarantee
that she won't end up
reporting to an untrustworthy
and immoral manager!
In short: What made her exchange
what is better for what is worse?
What is the meaning of Qiwamah?
Could it be that we, men
misunderstand Qiwamah
so our wives refuse (sometimes)
what is indeed rejected by
Shari'a (Islamic jurisprudence)?
Why is there Qiwamah in the first place?
Why aren't all family decisions
made jointly;
with the woman's opinion worth
as much as the man's?
Isn't absolute gender equality the basis?
Is Qiwamah a right
based on the man's gender;
because he has the Y chromosome,
while the female has the X chromosome?
What if the husband refuses to support
his wife financially or care for her;
would he still have Qiwamah?
What if the wife is the breadwinner
who supports her husband and family;
doesn't she deserve the right of
Qiwamah in this case?
What if the wife is a doctor
while the husband isn't even educated;
why would he have Qiwamah
in this case?
Doesn't Qiwamah open the door
for men's dominance over women?
What is the story of
the sister who went to
the country of flowers (the Netherlands),
what she saw there,
and the message she sent us?
The answers to these questions
will be provided in today's episode;
which it is one of the most important
episodes, so stay tuned
What makes the woman exchange
what is better for what is worse:
rejecting the husband's
authority and Qiwamah
while accepting the authority
of her manager
or even a group of Ajanib
(unrelated men)?
The matter is like a balance;
Qiwamah is on one side,
and the authority of the
materialistic framework on the other
The authority of materialism
was embellished for women while
Qiwamah was distorted by Islam-haters
and by the bad practices of many Muslims!
Additionally, the scale
that this woman measures with
is an unbalanced scale:
set by the criterion of
equality, not justice
with the result that the authority
of materialism outweighed
the authority of Qiwamah
In this time of
sanctification for materialism
the manager is her benefactor
and her way to
economic empowerment,
which we discussed before:
the empowerment Rambo and
Gorel deceived her with!
Indeed, the manager's authority
is part of the materialistic framework
that gives her the independence
of the deified human:
who deifies his desires as
we explained in the episode,
"The Superwoman"
Whereas Qiwamah is the command of Allah;
belittled by the self-deified woman
This woman belittles Qiwamah as
a result of her disdain
for the family institution;
while she glorifies the institutions
that provide materialistic gain
She belittles the values and meanings
related to faith and the Hereafter:
the values for which the family
unit was established;
while she glorifies materialistic values!
Keep in mind that the dominance of
materialism is not only over women
but over the society and men as well;
so many men have come to value
the woman based on her earnings
and this, in turn, is reflected on
the way she views herself
On the other hand
the woman's view of Qiwamah
and men's guardianship
—by a father, brother or husband—
has become distorted;
because of its abuse at times
and the distortion of such
concepts by Islam-haters at other times
So, many women accepted
a system of ingrained stereotypes,
emotional prejudices,
and a reformatted subconscious
which she —subconsciously— uses
to judge Quranic verses and Hadith
from a victimhood perspective!
She may have experienced
injustice herself,
yet her sense of injustice
extends to all men;
even imagining injustice
from Allah Almighty Himself!
If she hears, “Men are the protectors
and maintainers of women, because
Allah has given the one more (strength)
than the other and because they
support them from their means.”
(Quran Translated Meaning 4:34)
She interprets it as follows:
"Men have the power to rule
over you and to control you,
because they are better than you,
and they spend on you,
so they can buy your freedom
and dignity with their money,
and they regard this support
as a favor to you
under the slogan of Qiwamah
and guardianship.
This is exactly what happens
with schizophrenia patients;
who suffer from paranoia
—conspiracy theorists—
who hear an inner voice
that interprets
what they hear as a conspiracy!
Whereas the true meaning of
the verse for a woman
who understands the Command of her Lord
and believes in His Wisdom and Justice
“Men are the protectors and maintainers
of women" (QTM 4:34)
That is, they are responsible for
women and concerned with their affairs
This is a command from Allah
for men to take the responsibility
of caring for women, protecting them,
spending on them,
and satisfying their needs;
never exposing them to humiliation
or leaving them prey to 'wolves'
as we saw in the episode:
"Liberation of the Western Women"
Qiwamah is an obligation
of a man towards a woman;
whether wife, sister, daughter, etc.
as per the Islamic hierarchy
pertaining to
his relationship to the woman
This position is not an entitlement
for the man, which he can give up
Rather, it is an obligation
and its abandonment is a sin
In the Islamic system, a woman
never lacks a man to care for her
and spare her the need to earn money
unless she, herself, doesn't want it
If a guardian does not exist
then the state will meet her needs
and the ruler is the guardian of
those without guardians
Therefore, Qiwamah is
your right from the man
Qiwamah means that he protects
you and your honor,
sacrifices himself to protect
you —if necessary,
and defends you if your dignity is
offended in the slightest!
Unlike the apathetic world
of the West
True caretakers;
and many who were incited by 'Rambos'
and 'Gorels' to reject Qiwamah
under the slogan of:
'Economic Empowerment'
fell into the trap
and borrowed from the "Gorels"
Then, when they failed
to payback
the state
—which was supposed to
provide for women in need—
came along
to imprison them or humiliate them
after it had urged them
to reject Qiwamah!
So, when the woman exchanged
that what is better for what is less
she exchanged the Qiwamah of her family
for the prison of 'Gorel'
“Men are the protectors and maintainers
of women" (QTM 4:34)
These protectors and maintainers must
lead the family: a responsibility
before being a right
In return for this responsibility
women owe men
obedience in what are considered
men's rights over them:
e.g. a woman not leaving her home
without her husband’s permission
"because Allah has given the one
more than the other"
(Quran translated meaning 4:34)
Allah didn't say, "Since He
made them better than you."
or, "Since He made men
better than women."
But, "because Allah has given
the one more
than the other”
(Quran translated meaning 4:34)
Therefore, he made men better
in some rulings and tasks,
and made women better
in other rulings and tasks
This preference wisely
takes into consideration
what Allah instilled in a woman's nature
of emotional, physical
and mental abilities
which equip her for the role
of raising children and for providing
a warm refuge and serenity
to her husband, as he does for her
This preference also takes into
account the physical, mental,
and psychological abilities
instilled in
a man's nature that makes him
a better provider and decision-maker
“and because they support them from
their means.” (QTM 4:34)
This is the second pillar
which gives the man the right and
responsibility to lead the family
The man who spends, exhausts himself,
protects and cares
is the one who makes decisions
in the end,
bears their responsibility,
and suffers their consequences
Well, what if the man does not spend?
What if he does not fulfill his duty?
He abandoned his duty
and thus forfeited his rights
as we will explain
Qiwamah has two conditions:
1- Manliness and its related assets
which equip a man for Qiwamah
2- Spending, which means fulfilling the
requirements of manliness and its assets
This is very important for
both genders to know:
that Qiwamah is not only
related to a man's masculinity
or because he carries
the Y chromosome
while the woman has the X chromosome;
or because you have testosterone
while she has estrogen!
It's absolute not what some losers
—who fall short on their duties—
do as they brandish the sword
of Qiwamah and authority at women!
Qiwamah is tied to your fulfillment
of the duties of Qiwamah
We've discussed the embellishment
of materialistic authority
and the distortion of Qiwamah
Let's now examine the faulty scale
with which they're compared
The woman who opposes Qiwamah because
it doesn't equate between men and women
or says,
"Why is it not allowed for a woman
to discipline her husband by beating him?
or, "Why is it not permitted in Islam
for a woman to marry 4 men?"
Note how, in all this,
her premise is that equality
is the absolute and correct standard
She treats this premise
as an indisputable axiom
and judges Islamic rulings
according to this yardstick!
It did not occur to her to check
if her yardstick was accurate!
The highest value in Islam
—against which everything is judged—
is obedience to Allah
Glory be to Him,
Who made His religion
based on truth and justice;
and not necessarily on equality
Because equality is sometimes right and
just and sometimes wrong and unjust!
No sane person denies the difference
between a man and a woman
in their physical, psychological,
and emotional nature;
and in their abilities and talents
Hence, each of them has rights and
responsibilities that suit him/her
This is a clear and rational matter
Trying to assign a man's duties
and rights to a woman
results in disharmony with her nature
The Western woman was subjected
to injustice by men
and she did not have the option of
appealing to a Divine Revelation
that clarifies rights and
responsibilities fairly
Consequently, she chose equality
and ended up
achieving neither rights,
nor justice, nor freedom, nor equality
as we discussed in the "Liberation of
the Western Women" episode
Thus, the Western woman moved
from one injustice to another
as equating her to men
is unjust to her!
In Islam and its preserved Revelation
Allah, Who differentiated
the sexes in physical,
psychological and
emotional characteristics
ordained, Glory be to Him, for each
appropriate rulings on
the basis of truth and justice
“How could He not know His Own creation?
For He alone is the Most Subtle,
All-Aware.” (QTM 67:14)
Islam did not equate the duty to
a father with the duty to a mother
Islam favored the duty to the mother
based on truth and justice
Islam did not equate
when it obligated the man
to cover all household expenses
for the woman and their kids;
while releasing the woman
from any obligation
Even if she was rich or
even richer than her husband
she's not obligated to
any household expenditure!
Islam did not equate when it obligated
men to Jihad to protect women
and spared women the obligation
to protect men
Islam did not equate when it
permitted a woman to wear gold and silk
and made it forbidden for men
Islam did not equate when it gave
the right of custody
to the mother and not the father;
in cases of separation
Islam, in all its rulings
fulfills truth and justice:
not equality
between the two genders!
The worship of Allah Almighty means:
the criteria comes from Him
whereas the deification of Man
leads, ultimately
to the loss of rights, justice,
freedom and equality
especially in the matter of women
as we have shown
A believing woman submits with love,
dignity and honor
to the command of her Lord, as in
Allah's words which can be translated as,
“And do not covet whatever Allah has
favored some of you with over others.
For men is a share
of what they have earned,
and for women is a share
of what they have earned.
And ask Allah of his Grace.
Indeed, Allah has always been
All-Knowing of everything.”
(Quran 4:32)
Don't wish for what Allah
has specified for men
and men should not wish for
what Allah Has specified for women
Rather, all should believe in
the Justice and Wisdom of Allah
However, within
the circle of what Allah has given you
seek help from Him
and ask Him for His Grace
and then await His Generosity
which has no bounds!
The Lord Who created
male and female
commands only what is fair
for males and females
As in Allah's words
that can be translated as,
“Thus righteous women are obedient
and guard the rights of men
in their absence under
Allah's protection.” (Quran 4: 34)
Among the verse's meanings:
Preserve the rights of the man, O woman
in return for your rights from the man,
that Allah Has preserved
A woman whose balance is skewed
perceives Qiwamah as
control, dominance and an insult!
However, if we set the record straight
you will know that Qiwamah is
care, protection, reassurance, comfort,
harmonious with the innate
nature of the woman
and a right granted to her by her Lord!
Once you understand this principle
and calibrate your scale
take another look at Shari'a;
Now, do you see any flaws?
Do you see any defects or deficiencies?
No, by Allah
you will never see any defect!
Allah Who perfected His creation
has perfected His Shari'a
Now, let's answer the many
questions that we hear on this subject
to demonstrate how it is a Shari'a of
righteousness, justice and grace indeed!
Question 1: What if the couple disagrees
and each says to the other:
"Perform your duties towards me,
before I give you your rights?
We say: In principle, marriage is based
on affection, mercy and intimacy;
with each spouse providing what they
owe and more; willingly and lovingly
It's not an accounting firm
where each party holds
the other accountable;
like partners disputing shares
If a dispute occurs, they should
resort to affection
and mercy as a judge placed
by Allah between them,
“And He placed between you affection and
mercy” (Quran translated meaning 30:21)
Moreover, when the words:
'my right' and 'your duty' are overused
it's a sign that the marriage institution
is no longer performing
what it was established for
All institutions can be
based on justice except for
marriage which endures
solely through graciousness!
Question 2: "OK, good answer.
But if each side insists on their opinion
and we enter into a vicious circle:
- You do your duty!
- No, you do yours!
Who is the one we lean on?
Who is more expected to
forgive and forget?
We say: It is the man, as in Allah's
words that can be translated as,
“And due to the wives is similar to
what is expected of them, according to
what is reasonable. But the men
have a degree over them
(in responsibility and authority).”
(Quran 2:228)
Listen to the beautiful
words of the Master
of Quran interpreters:
Imam Al-Tabari
After listing the different
interpretations of this verse
Al-Tabari, may Allah
have mercy on him, said,
"The best interpretation of this verse
is what Ibn-Abbas said,
which is that the degree Allah Almighty
mentioned in this instance is that
the man has to forgive his wife for
not completing some of her duties
and turn a blind eye. Meanwhile,
he delivers all his duties towards her."
Al-Tabari continued,
"This is the meaning that
Ibn-Abbas intended by saying,
'I do not like to take all
my rights from her because
Allah Almighty says
(what can be translated as),
“But the men have a degree over them.
(in responsibility and authority)
(Quran 2: 228)
and the meaning of degree
is rank and status.'"
Meaning: O man
forgive and tolerate
when your wife is negligent in her duties;
forgive and overlook your rights
and perform your duties
Don't tell her: "Do your duties,
so that I do mine."
Instead, earn this degree
with Allah by forgiving,
enduring and fulfilling your duties!
Then Al-Tabari said,
"Even if this verse from Allah Almighty
appears as a statement,
it really means that men are being
asked to treat women with
graciousness, so that they have
a degree of merit over them."
Meaning, the verse isn't a statement
to the man telling him that
he has a degree over the woman
just because he's a male
or because he has the Y chromosome
while she has the X chromosome
Rather, it tells him,
"You'll earn this degree if you
display the qualities of
tolerance and forgiveness."
“O mankind, indeed We have created you
from male and female
and made you peoples and tribes
that you may know one another.
Indeed, the most noble of you in the sight
of Allah is the most righteous of you.
Indeed Allah is Knowing and Acquainted.”
(QTM 49:13)
Al-Razi has a beautiful interpretation,
similar to that of Al-Tabari
in one of the two interpretations for:
“But the men have a degree over them
(in responsibility and authority).”
Imagine what some husbands do
when they fail to carry out their duties
and demand their rights from the woman
under the slogan:
Qiwamah is mine, and
I have a degree over you
Thus, they reverse
the meaning of the verse!
The man who attain this degree:
who works to achieve this high level
earns the authority and obedience
in managing the family and marriage
institutions through this degree as well
He bears the responsibilities and
decision-making consequences
—no matter how hard—
through this degree as well
Question 3: Ok! Why is there
Qiwamah in the first place?
Why aren't all family decisions
made jointly?
Why doesn't a woman's opinion
have the same weight as a man's?
You mean consultation? That is,
the husband consults you on things
that affect your lives, then decides?
No, no, jointly!
Well, how is that possible when you
are two? It is an even number
How can a decision be reached?
In all companies, institutions,
schools and universities
there must be a head;
there must be a leader
When the board of directors of
any institution is an even number
a person must be added
so that it becomes an odd number
to provide the tie-breaking vote
Some women know this very well
but fail to understand it
in the family institution!
Furthermore, they reject the fact that
the husband has the final say,
and insist that men and women
are equal in managing the family
and that all decisions must be made
jointly;
an impossible requirement
as it means agreement on every decision
Otherwise she considers
it oppression, patriarchy
and a husband's abuse
of Qiwamah!
As a result the family collapses,
or everybody becomes miserable
over trivial things and
every decision becomes an argument!
Indeed, many couples separated
or divorced right before
the wedding as a result of
such disagreements
Again, this is a consequence of
devaluing the family institution
while esteeming the institutions
which provide material gain
She devalues the family because
she did not understand
—like many men as well—
the concept of family in Islam
They marry solely to satisfy
sexual instincts, motherhood
and fatherhood instincts
and to follow a social norm:
people get married, so I married!
While in Islam,
the family is the cornerstone for
establishing the command of Allah,
developing civilization on earth,
and fortifying the nation
against its enemies
Therefore, it is the most
important institution!
So, we say to the wife,
Discuss and express your view
As in the hadith of Al-Bukhari
and Muslim, the wives of the Prophet
Peace be upon him, used to voice
their objections; i.e. opposed his views
on some worldly matters.
But in the end, a woman obeys
her husband's decision even if
it goes against her opinion
unless his decision is a sin
Question 4: But some men
abuse the concept of Qiwamah
or authority over women!
True, but as we said in the episode:
"Islam and 'Beating' Women"
the misapplication is the fault of
the offender; rather than a fault
in the principle of Qiwamah
or the Shari'a that decreed it
Thus, a husband may be legally
prohibited from abusing his authority
He may even be deprived
—in the proper Islamic judiciary—
from his Qiwamah and authority
by rule of Shari'a;
if he forfeits his right to it!
Qiwamah remains
a matter of righteousness and justice
with the emphasis that families
should keep their affairs private
and not rush to court before
exhausting other possible solutions
Qiwamah and authority are vehicles
for leading the family
If the driver of a vehicle
that you're riding in, can't drive
and causes an accident which harms you
you will not blame the principle
of using transportation;
but, you will say,
"He is a bad driver."
Question 5: You might say,
"I spend on the household too,
so do I have a right to Qiwamah?"
We answer:
By spending on your household
you gave up your right to support
—a compromise and
graciousness on your part—
but it does not transfer Qiwamah to you
Qiwamah is an established right
for men who spend
If a woman gives up her right
or contributes to the household
expenses she will be rewarded;
but this is unrelated to Qiwamah
“And do not covet whatever
Allah has favored
some of you with over others.”
(Quran translated meaning 4:32)
Question 6: You might say,
"My expenditure is not an act of kindness,
but because my husband is negligent, and
doesn't spend enough on our household."
We say: Qiwamah has
two conditions in the Quran:
“since Allah has made some of
them excel the others,
and because of the wealth
they have spent.” (QTM 4:34)
If the husband refuses to spend on his
household when he is able to do so;
then he's failed to meet the requirement
and lost the justification for Qiwamah
and his Qiwamah becomes dependent
on the woman's consent and approval
-Really?!
We assumed that he'd be committing
a sin but retaining Qiwamah
No, and this isn't a matter
of different opinions among scholars
but of consensus!
Well, what does a woman do
in such situations?
She has options:
She can take from his money
without his permission;
a fair amount sufficient
for her and her children
or she may resort to
the Islamic Judiciary to impose
support payments on the husband
against his will
She can also spend from her own money and
her expenditure is considered
a loan to her husband
or she can take out a loan through
a judge’s order and he will be
responsible for repayment
Moreover, she can stay legally
married to her husband
while refusing to sleep with him
or leave his house and
move to her family’s house
so that Qiwamah over her is transferred
to her father or brother
Thus, she moves from
one Qiwamah to another
and never lack for a protector
to safeguard her
Finally, she may ask for a separation
from her husband
Eyad, why are you turning this
into a Fiqh lesson?
No. All of this is to highlight
a very important concept:
If a man abdicates
the responsibilities of Qiwamah
then he may forfeit its rights!
Qiwamah is not given to him just
because he is a male
and the woman will not be left to
his mercy and told,
"Endure his injustice in this world
and you will be rewarded in the Next!"
Instead, Islam is fair to her in
this world and in the Hereafter
What about husbands who prioritize their
smoking expenses over
spending on their wives and children!
Qiwamah is a protection for the wife
from what harms her
so how about when the husband
is the one who harms her by
exposing her to second-hand smoke
and its related diseases!
How about families where
—when benefactors offer help—
the wife, rightly so, says,
"By Allah, don't give the money
to my husband,
as he will use it to buy cigarettes
and neglect our family needs!"
Allah says, what can be translated as,
“and do not give the weak-minded
your property, which Allah has made a
means of sustenance for you.”(Quran 4:5)
While this verse is primarily for men;
telling them not to give money to fools
it also applies
to some 'men' in our society
who, even with all this, still think that
masculinity is enough for Qiwamah
Question 7: You might say,
"My husband isn't fulfilling
my financial needs
or any other needs.
He treats me badly
and I cannot go to my family
or to court."
or "They have let me down
and I have to live with him.
as my family is poor or
unwilling to take me in."
In this case, we say:
Remember that it wasn't Shari'a
or Qiwamah which wronged you
It was your husband, family,
the shari'a-abandoning society,
the judge or the state!
As for Shari'a, it is your sanctuary;
not your opponent, sister
Rather, the injustice you endured
should prompt
you to champion the Shari'a
that champions you
and forbids injustice
toward you and others
Shari'a is your sanctuary;
not your opponent!
Question 8: What expenditure
are we talking about?
It is not an expenditure that
burdens the husband. Rather,
“Let a man of wealth spend from
his wealth, and he whose
provision is restricted;
let him spend from what
Allah has given him.”
(Quran translated meaning 65:7)
He is not required to provide luxuries
or compete in material possessions
in order to retain his Qiwamah
Rather, Islam fights the culture of
materialistic consumption
which burdens families and
threatens their stability
Question 9: OK, what if the husband
is unable to provide for the family
given the economic situation in
the Muslim world:
the rise in unemployment and
business bankruptcies
This issue is debatable between scholars
but we urge the woman to be
patient during her husband’s hardship
and remember Allah's words,
that can be translated as,
“And do not forget graciousness
between you.” (Quran 2:237)
But, to keep things in perspective
both parties have to remember
that the wife's patience is a favor;
not an obligation
So, the husband must appreciate
her loyalty and charity,
consider himself indebted to her,
and become more tolerant of her mistakes
And when she sees that her kindness
is appreciated
she gives it willingly and generously!
A husband's financial distress causes
psychological distress for the wife
whose innate nature is to
rely on the support of others
A woman has a psychological need
to be supported
even if she is rich
and the husband must understand this
So, if he finds her distressed and anxious
as he struggles financially;
he must know that
she's suffering as he is
and become more tolerant with her
Similarly, we tell her:
Among the reasons
for his financial distress
are the corruption and
theft of Muslim wealth
so be supportive of your husband
Breaking up families will only
degrade and humiliate
Muslims more and hand more
control over to the criminals
who made your lives harder
“Be merciful on the earth, and
you will be shown mercy from
Who is above the heavens.”
(At-Tirmidhi)
In such cases, if a woman graciously
helps her husband
she will be rewarded greatly
In the Hadith narrated by Al-Bukhari,
Zainab, the wife of Abdullah
Ibn-Masoud, sent to
ask the Prophet
Peace & Blessings be Upon him
“Is it permissible for me to spend
Zakat (charity) on my husband
and the orphans under my protection?”
(Her husband was not able to support her)
Our Prophet, Peace be upon him,
said, “Yes, and she will receive
a double reward (for that):
One for helping relatives
and the other for the charity.
(Al-Bukhari)
A double reward for giving charity
to her husband? Charity?!! Yes!
It is considered charity
because she is not obliged
to spend on her husband
And her reward is doubled!
Question 10: But what you say,
even if restricted by all these rules,
may embolden some women!
OK. What do you really want?
Should we not teach people
their rights and
and responsibilities
according to Shari'a?
Is it better to keep them ignorant?
"She does not know her rights
and even if she knows them
and demands them
her husband will still
deny her her rights
therefore it is better
for her not to know them."
No, there's no greater
good than for people: men
and women, to know the greatness
of Allah's Shari'a so that their hearts
are content with Allah's
Justice and Wisdom
This is a higher priority than the
protection of the family at the expense
of mistrust in Allah and his Shari'a;
which the woman will feed her children
When the rule of Shari'a is imposed
on all, there will be justice for all and
only those with diseased hearts
and enslaving desires will object
Indeed, whenever people
abandon Allah's commands
Allah will make them need it
Moreover, if each party observes only
what pleases them in Shari'a
and get annoyed when asked
to fulfill their duties
they become like hypocritical rulers
who subjugate people in the name of
Shari'a while they turn away from it
“And when they are called to
Allah and His Messenger to judge
between them, at once a party
of them turns aside (in refusal)
But if the right is theirs, they
come to him in prompt obedience.”
(QTM 24:48-49)
These hypocrite rulers were
inflicted upon Muslims
only after selectivity in dealing
with their Lord's Commands
became prevalent among Muslims
Question 11: What if the wife
has a doctorate
while her husband doesn't even
have a university degree;
why does Qiwamah remain his?
First of all, dear viewers
higher education is not
a measure for useful education
or for sound thinking
Even assuming that some women
have more Islamic knowledge and
wisdom than their husbands;
Islam, in the end, provides rules
which apply to humanity in general
Now, if some men are clearly
deficient in these abilities;
e.g. psychological
issues that truly hinder
their ability to make sound decisions
which the wife tried to conceal;
but he does not respond
As this may affect her life
she can, in this case
ask the seniors from his family
and hers to intervene
or seek the intervention of
the Islamic court
Qiwamah remains his right
as long as his illness or
poor reasoning skills don't impact
his standing
as a sane responsible person
Thus, the principle remains
as is: Qiwamah is for men in general
and exceptional cases
do not discredit it
We cannot say,
"Because there are exceptional cases;
the Shari'a ruling which gives
Qiwamah to men is discredited."
Question 12: If the man is fulfilling
his duties: as father or husband
and doesn't neglect
the rights of the woman
but he is excessively controlling
and prevents the woman from
leaving the house
without providing a reason
or allowing any discussion
Is not this abuse that
allows her to disobey him?
We say, dear viewers:
Discussing every decision
with the husband
and arguing with him excessively
are factors that disturb the happiness
of Muslim families
Yes
the husband has the right
to prevent his wife from
leaving the house
without providing a reason
and his wife should obey him
unless that prevents her from acquiring
essential required Islamic knowledge
or visiting her family a
minimum number of times
or receiving medical care, etc.
Otherwise, he is not required to explain
and convince her every time
But if the husband goes to excess
then the problem is not in Qiwamah
as such problems usually arise
when the spousal affection is weak
“And of His signs is that
He created for you from
yourselves mates that you may
find tranquillity in them;
and He placed between you
affection and mercy.” (QTM 30:21)
If the affection is weak, he may
forbid his wife from what she likes
as an expression of his dissatisfaction
Your role here, gracious sister, is
to try to appease your husband
and to realize that Qiwamah
in its entirety is indispensable to you
If some of its elements
oppose your legitimate desires
you can try to attain
these desires in a good way
But abandoning Qiwamah as a whole
is not an option
In disputes among men
you may be angry, upset or resentful;
shouting or frowning at your opponent;
awaiting his reaction
so that you can get
angrier and angrier
But then, he delivers
a knock-out punch!
What was the knock-out punch?
His words:
I'm sorry if I offended you
I meant only good
Then he calmly withdraws
and leaves you to yourself
This is an extremely powerful
form of weakness
He transforms you, in your own view
from the oppressed to the oppressor;
from a man ready to fight
to a man who apologizes to appease
This is among men
Similarly the wise woman knows that
her strength lies in her weakness!
She holds her husband's hand
and displays her affection
which calms his anger
and soothes his pride
She wins him over with her
weakness, affection and femininity
In contrast, if he returns home from
the pressures of life and work
—his source of expenditure on
his household—
and is greeted by a woman opponent
who is looking for a fight
or argument about anything;
the affection will be replaced
by grudges
This is the story of Qiwamah
When the full picture is displayed
the woman better understands
the words
of her Prophet,
Peace & Blessings be upon him,
“By the one in Whose hand
is the soul of Muhammad
No woman can fulfill her duty
towards Allah until she fulfills
her duty towards her husband.”
(Ahmad & Ibn-Majah)
A man who protects her,
shelters her, meets her needs
and preserves her dignity
deserves this from her
In truth, she should instinctively
and naturally seek his Qiwamah
When you place Shari'a in
its proper context
many of those repelled by it
will be reassured and their
doubts become a source of pride
The Muslim woman then
realizes that she was born
with a silver spoon in her mouth
which she took for granted
because she did not see the complete
miserable story of women
who lost the blessing of Qiwamah
as we discussed in
"The Liberation of Western Women"
Qiwamah as decreed by Allah
is a dream for the non-Muslim
Western and Eastern woman
who often splits household expenses
with her husband or boyfriend
and may even be kicked out
of the house, for not spending
Finally...
We were contacted by a Muslim girl
who went to the Netherlands
—the country of flowers—
for her postgraduate studies
Doubts about Islam
accumulated in her mind
so she wrote to the wife of
a friend of mine telling her
that she lost her conviction in Islam
and lost her love for Allah
Months passed
then a few days ago
she sent us a long letter
in which she expressed
her return to Allah after watching
"The Journey of Certainty",
"The Women in Depth",
and "Fiqh Al-Nafs" series by
my brother Dr. Abd Al-Rahman Thakir
The sister says in her letter,
"I love Allah because
He created me Muslim
and gave me a family that loves me:
a father, a mother and brothers
who worry about me and care
about the smallest details in my life
Dr. Eyad, I've 'seen' every word of
your Women series with my own eyes
In my last four months
in the Netherlands
I lived in a dormitory
with European girls
I was shocked when I saw
the dark side of their lives
Only then, did I realize the value of
the chastity and purity of Muslim women
and the blessing of having a family:
father, brother and supporting
relative, who think of me even
when I am continents away
while the European woman
lives next to her father
yet he doesn't even look at her
or ask about her
By Allah, I am very sad about
the situation of European women
and I pity them
I had a Dutch friend
who told me that she was in a hurry
to find work because
her family was annoyed about
her presence in their house
Another German girl had a fight with
her boyfriend so he kicked
her out of his house
After being a feminist to the core
I am now appreciative of the blessing
of living with a family that preserves
my dignity and honor;
a family which feels
responsibility towards me."
Dear viewers, aside from the mistake
of leaving a girl
on her own in a European country
the point is that she
recognized the value
of Qiwamah through its absence
in 'the country of flowers'!
This sister (previously hostile towards
Shari'a) concluded by saying,
"What do I do for Allah to forgive
my disrespect towards Him
when I objected to His rulings?
I asked for His forgiveness, glory be
to Him, and I think that
He loves me because He guided me
after I went astray,
but advise me on what I can
do to make Him pleased with me."
We say to this honorable sister,
"Allah says, what can be translated as,
“Say, O My servants who have
transgressed against themselves,
do not despair of the mercy of Allah.
Indeed, Allah forgives all sins.
Indeed, it is
He who is the Forgiving,
the Merciful.” (Quran 39:53)
We ask Allah to make the sharing
of her story and
its impact, a reason for
His Pleasure with her
O Allah, make belief beloved to us
and adorn our hearts with it
make us hate disbelief,
deviance and rebellion,
and place us among
the rightly-guided
May the peace and mercy
of Allah be upon you