Nada Complains to Aisha
Peace be upon you
Nada completed her studies
at the American School
Then she graduated from
medical school at a local university
and majored in psychology
Shadi, who is two years older,
proposed to her
after completing his internship
in psychology as well
at a hospital in Australia
Nada, who is twenty-six, accepted
his proposal and they got married
They lived somewhat happily for a while
before their problems started
and multiplied
Their spring did not last long and
a long fall entered their lives
One day
Nada came home early from work
Shadi was not back yet
She entered the office
grabbed a pen and paper
and started writing:
What are my problems with Shadi?
Shadi is harsh
He no longer expresses his love for me
I'm starting to wonder
if he ever loved me
I was sick once, yet he showed me
no kindness or special care
During my period
I am sometimes irritable
During these times he is inconsiderate
although, as a psychiatrist
he should understand what I go through
He ridicules my feminine interests,
makes me feel unworthy of respect, and
never cares about my possessions
When my 2000 dinar bracelet broke
–a gift from my mother–
I asked him to fix it
It has been on the side table
in front of him, for months now
Whenever I remind him, he says,
"Today or tomorrow"
He selfishly puts
his needs ahead of mine
Sometimes, we both get home
late from work and
there is no food at home
Yet, if one of his friends
invites him he goes
without even bothering to check on me
The time Shadi spends with me
is not quality time
his mind is preoccupied
We are together
but our souls are far apart
He brings his work problems home and
I don't feel secure with him
On the other hand, he does not share
his joyous moments with me
If I expand on a topic
he interrupts me
asks me to cut it short
and grumbles about my many questions
He has become bored with me
It is very hurtful
especially since he is so attentive
and cheerful
with his female work colleagues
For example:
He gets furious if I am two minutes late
while he waits for me in the car
Yet once, when his female colleague
was 15 minutes
and apologized, his answer was,
"No problem whatsoever!"
I picked up his phone once and
sent his secretary, on his behalf
a text asking her
to stop sending unnecessary texts like:
"Good Morning", "Good Evening"
I was jealous!
When he found out, he was angry
and stopped talking to me for days
He also set a password on his phone
to block my access
I feel that my personality has been
subdued and crushed by him
I feel insecure and undermined
in front of others when I'm with him
He responds to my jealousy by
showing me that he distrusts me;
accusing me of flirting
with my male colleagues and
of being attracted to one of them
When the maid is on vacation
he does not help around the house
although he is always posting
about women's rights and
women's victimhood
He never cleans up after
taking a shower, but leaves
his stuff everywhere and expects me
to clean up after him
Why does he do that
if he truly believes in gender equality?!
Recently, he started smoking
and I dislike the smell of smoke
Little things are easily
provoking me lately
Why doesn't he dress up for me
as he does for other people?
I started to like it better
when he is away!
The worst thing about Shadi is that
in front of people
he appears to be full of
kindness and affection
but this kindness disappears
when we are alone
He justifies this by saying that
he is under pressure dealing
with life's many problems
and that he is obliged
to treat people nicely
due to the nature of his work
as a psychiatrist
There are aspects of his private life that
I am embarrassed to bring up
because it would greatly offend him!
My perception of him has
become so shaky that
I am repulsed by our intimate
relationship as a married couple;
as if I am doing something shameful!
He is too proud to show
any vulnerability with me
Instead
he directs his anger at me when
his vulnerabilities are exposed
I no longer care about his interests
Now, I intentionally oppose him
in everything and
I don't want to be like him in anything
I am exhausted from dealing with him
even though I am a psychiatrist!
I once asked him for a divorce
He hinted that he wouldn't let me keep
anything
that wasn't registered under my name
I shared these problems with
some friends hoping that
they would help me find a solution
However, it seems that
they all are suffering similarly;
although our situations vary in
the details and level of friction
However, a long time ago,
I heard of a girl called Aisha, and
of her marriage to the Messenger of Allah,
Muhammad, Peace & Blessings be upon him
Their story is different from
everything I see around me!
I just remembered Aisha
and went through the pages of the
Prophet's biography, seeking advice
I heard about the high level of morality
that she and her husband enjoyed
Therefore, I did not reveal some
embarrassing details
I asked her 23 questions; exactly
the number of problems I have with Shadi
so that I can hold a comparison
Here, dear viewers, the imaginary dialogue
between Nada and Aisha begins
In this dialogue, we rephrased
some of what our mother
Aisha said in the Hadith
and added some text to help set the scene
But we were mindful to keep the words of
the Prophet, Peace be upon him
and his actions literal
without any alteration
Our sources are the
authentic Hadith references
listed in the comments below
We did not refer to
a single weak Hadith, hence
there should be no objections
that we took literary license
with the Prophet's biography
Well, the dialogue starts now:
Nada starts by asking Aisha
"Are you, Aisha, the wife of Muhammad,
Peace & Blessings be upon him?"
"Yes."
"May I ask you some questions?"
"Yes."
Nada thought to herself,
- Shadi is harsh
- He no longer expresses his love for me
- I'm starting to doubt that he loves me
She asked, "Did the Messenger of Allah
express his love to you?"
Aisha smiled in compassion,
"He would throw kisses in the air at
me while he was fasting, and
when asked who was the closest
person to his heart, he said, 'Aisha'
even though such love expressions
were not familiar in our society."
- I fell ill once and Shadi did not show
me any kindness or special care
She asked, "Did the Prophet care for
you when you were ill?"
"He was especially kind then.
He would
place his hand
on the painful spot and pray for me."
- As a woman, during my period
- I get a little irritated
- Yet, Shadi has no concern for me
- although, as a psychiatrist
he knows what I am going through
She asked,
"Was the Messenger of Allah considerate
during your period?"
"During this time, he was
the nicest that a man could be.
I would drink, then hand the
cup to the Prophet, and
he would deliberately put his mouth
on the place from where I drank.
I would take a bite of meat
and pass it to the Prophet,
and he would deliberately take a bite
from the same place where I bit,
just to cheer me up and make me happy.
One time, when I got my period while
performing Hajj, I cried
fearing that it would spoil my worship.
The Prophet said,
'This is a matter Allah has decreed
for all the daughters of Adam.'
Then he told me what I should do."
Nada thought to herself,
- Shadi belittles my interests, and
- makes me feel unworthy of respect
She asked, "Well, did the Messenger
of Allah care about your interests?"
Aisha smiled and said,
"Once, Ethiopians were dancing
with spears in the mosque.
The Messenger of Allah asked me,
'Would you like to look at them?'
I said, 'Yes!'
So he got up, walked toward the door
and I stood right behind him.
I put my chin on his shoulder, my cheek
against his while he covered me
with his cloak. After a while
he asked me, 'Is this enough?'
So I told him,
'O Messenger of Allah, do not rush.'
He remained standing there with me, and
after a while, he said, 'Is this enough?'
So I said again,
'Do not rush, O Messenger of Allah.'
He remained standing there until I left.
Hence, I wanted to teach the importance
of addressing the needs of young women,
so I said, 'Pay attention to young
girls who are keen on having fun,
and learn from the Prophet's kind behavior
The Messenger of Allah married me
when I was young, and
I used to play with dolls at his house.
Some girls my age would come
to play with me.
They were awed by the Prophet,
and ran away when they saw him.
But the Prophet would call them back
and make them feel at home.
Once he saw some of my dolls
and asked,
'What is this, Aisha?'
'My daughters.' I said.
He saw a horse with wings
among them and said,
'What is this that I see in the middle?'
So I said, 'A horse.' He said,
'And what is this thing on him?'
I said, 'Two wings.'
He said, 'A horse that has two wings?'
I said, 'Haven't you heard that
Suleiman had horses with wings?'
The Prophet laughed so hard
that I saw his back teeth."
"Does that mean you spent your
youth with him?"
"Exactly! I was learning everything
he was doing during that time.
I played, had fun, learned,
and worshiped.
My spirit was tranquil and relaxed.
His interest in me was constant,
and he took care of my needs when
I became a young woman."
Nada thought to herself,
- Shadi does not care about my belongings
- My 2000 dinar bracelet broke
- It was a gift from my mother
- It has been in front of him on
the side table for months
- whenever I remind him
of it, he says,
- 'Today, or tomorrow'
but tomorrow never comes!
So she asked, "Did the Prophet
care about your belongings?"
Aisha smiled and said,
"I went out with him once on a journey,
and a necklace of mine came apart.
So the Prophet decided to stay
put until we found it.
His companions stayed with him
too, even though they had no water;
not even to perform ablution!
My father, Abu Bakr, was angry
because I caused this delay.
He pressed my waist painfully while
the Messenger of Allah was
sleeping with his head on my lap,
I stayed still for fear that
the Prophet might wake up and
have his rest disrupted.
By the way, another necklace of
mine broke on a different occasion.
Searching for it delayed me behind
the army and resulted in what is called
Al-ifk (the Falsehood incident);
a slanderous gossip
by the hypocrites against me.
The Messenger of Allah never blamed
me for the repeated loss of my necklaces."
Nada thought to herself,
- Shadi selfishly ignores my needs
- Sometimes, we both come back late
from work, and there is no food at home
- Yet, if a friend invites him
he goes out
- without even checking on me
So she asked, "Did the Messenger of
Allah sometimes put his needs
above yours in food or drink?"
Aisha looked shocked and disdainful,
"Never! We had a Persian neighbor
whose food was good.
He prepared a meal for the Messenger
of Allah, Peace & Blessings be upon him.
When he came to invite the Messenger
of Allah, he said, 'And her?',
asking him about me. Meaning:
Is she invited with me? Included with me?
He said, 'No.'
So, the Messenger of Allah said, 'No.'
Meaning: I cannot accept the invitation
if Aisha is not invited with me.
The neighbor came to invite him again,
and the Messenger of Allah again said,
'And her?' The man said, 'No.'
So, the Messenger of Allah said, 'No.'
He came yet again, and the Messenger
of Allah said, 'And her?' He said, 'Yes.'
So I went with the Messenger of Allah
to this neighbor’s house."
"Why did he refuse to go alone?"
"Because he knew I liked the food and
that food at our place was scarce.
He wanted to share with me. We either
eat together or starve together."
The situation shook Nada
This meant a lot to her
"Why was food scarce at your place?"
"Money, gifts and food used to come to the
Prophet, Peace & Blessings be upon him.
He would give it to the poor and
the homeless of As-Suffah.
He would endure in patience and
so would I. How could I not
endure when I see that he refuses
to eat without me?"
"Pardon me for the question, but did a
beautiful smart young woman like you
ever get the opportunity
to lead a more comfortable life?
Even if away from the Messenger of Allah?
Did you ever think of leaving him?"
"Leaving him!" Aisha laughed and said,
"Let me tell you something:
The Prophet’s wives and I asked him for
some material possessions,
and we kept on insisting.
We were jealous of one another; each
wanted him to herself as much as possible,
and we would plot against each other
over him.
The Prophet got angry with us and
stopped talking to us for a month.
Then Allah sent down a Quranic verse,
giving us the choice to stay with the
Prophet despite the hardship or
leave him graciously
in return for material compensation.
The Prophet started with me and said,
'Aisha, I want to run an offer by you.
I would rather you didn't rush to answer
until you consult
with your parents.' So I said,
'And what is it, O Messenger of Allah?'
Then he recited the words of Allah,
which can be translated as,
'O Prophet, say to your wives,
"If you should desire the worldly life
and its adornment, then come,
I will provide for you
and give you a gracious release. But if
you should desire Allah and His Messenger
and the home of the Hereafter,
then indeed, Allah has prepared for the
doers of good among you a great reward."'
(Quran 33: 28-29)
The Prophet finished expecting that
I would not answer him
until I consulted my parents.
But I told him, 'Would I consult my
parents about you, O Messenger of Allah?
Would I consult my parents about you,
O Messenger of Allah? Rather,
I choose Allah, His Messenger,
and the Hereafter.'
The Messenger of Allah was
happy with that."
Would I consult my parents about you,
O Messenger of Allah?
The sweet words resonated
within Nada's soul!
Such a demonstration of deep love,
from a girl who sees herself and her
husband as one inseparable
soul that occupies two bodies!
Nada remembered how she had
asked Shadi for a separation, but
he hinted that he would not let
go of anything he bought her unless
it was officially registered in her name
So, she stays with him for material things
not out of care for him
In contrast, Aisha was given the
opportunity to leave the Prophet
and enjoy the world and its pleasures, but
she chose him over everything
Without any hesitation!
Nada thought to herself,
- Shadi doesn't spend quality time
- with me, he is preoccupied
So she asked,
"The Messenger of Allah had an immense
mission and many important tasks
Did you feel that he was emotionally
present when he was with you?"
"He would give me his full attention
when he was with me; he was present
in both body and mind.
He took every chance to interact with me
and get closer to me;
offering nice gestures
that meant a lot to me.
Therefore, you will find that many
of his Hadiths are narrated by me,
because I was not on the margin
of his life but at its core.
The Prophet used to recite the
Quran in my lap
even while I was having my period.
He was going to recite anyway, so
instead of reciting it away from me,
he would recite it in my lap."
Nada pictured this pure and elegant
scene. She imagined the
Messenger of Allah reciting
in a pleasant voice
his head in Aisha's lap
while she stroked his hair with her hand
and listened in a state
of utmost love and harmony
Aisha said, "We used to have fun, even
while bathing. We used the same container,
and would fight over the water. When
I jokingly told him, 'Leave it to me,'
he would say, 'You leave it to me,'
with affection, compassion,
humor and kindness."
Aisha smiled and said,
"I traveled with him once when
I was still young and light in weight.
He said to his companions,
'Move ahead.' And so they did.
Then he said, 'Come! Let's race!'
So, I raced him and won.
Then I grew older, gained some weight
and forgot our first race.
Then, I accompanied him on a journey, and
he told his companions,
'Move ahead.' And so they did.
Then he said, 'Come on! Let's race!'
So I said, 'How do I race you,
O Messenger of Allah,
when I am in this condition?'
So he said, 'Yes you will!' And he won.
He kept on laughing and told me
that it was payback for the previous win."
Nada thought to herself,
- Shadi brings his work problems home
She asked, "Didn't the burdens of life,
and the conspiracies of his
enemies against him affect your
life and security?"
"No. He left all his troubles at the
doorstep once he stepped inside.
So, I only saw friendliness,
serenity, calmness of
soul and tender intimacy."
"Do you mean you felt secure with
him despite the circumstances?"
"Undoubtedly!
I couldn't have felt more secure."
Nada thought to herself,
- Shadi does not share his joys with me
So she asked, "Did the Prophet share
what pleased him with you?"
"Of course! For example, the Messenger of
Allah, Peace and Blessings be upon him
came to me once. He was happy;
his face shining with delight.
He said, 'Haven't you heard that
Mujazziz looked at Zaid Ibn-Harithah
and Osama Ibn-Zaid and said,
"These feet are from one other.'
He was amused that a guide
who tracks footprints
recognized the relationship
between Zaid and his son
Osama from their feet,
without seeing their faces,
which were covered!
Despite the fact that Osama's feet
were black after his mother,
while Zaid's feet were white."
Nada thought to herself,
- If I expand with Shadi on a topic
- he interrupts and asks me to be brief
- He grumbles about my many questions
She asked,
"Did the Prophet listen
to you attentively?"
"He never interrupted me.
I once told him what
eleven women had said about
their husbands; a very long conversation.
The last was Abu-Zara's wife,
whose husband treated her graciously.
The Messenger of Allah listened
without interrupting me.
As I finished, he told me tenderly,
'I am to you as Abu-Zara is to Um-Zara.'
Meaning, as gracious.
Whenever I heard him say something new,
I would go over it with him
until I understood it.
Once he said, 'Whoever is taken to
account...will be punished.'
I said, 'Didn't Allah say,
what can be translated as,
"He will soon have an easy reckoning?”'
(Quran 84:8)
He said, 'That is only the presentation of
deeds. Whoever is fully taken to account
will be punished.' He was delighted
with my love for learning.
I asked him hundreds of questions
that are in the preserved Hadith.
He would answer attentively, without
getting annoyed with my many questions,
or ridiculing any of them."
Nada thought to herself,
- Shadi is becoming bored with me
- and he quickly gets furious with me
- It is hurtful how different this
behavior is from the attention and
- humor he shows his female colleagues
So she asked, "Did the Prophet become
furious with you if you made a mistake?"
"No. He would teach me gently.
Once, I mentioned his wife, Safiyyah,
in a demeaning way.
He told me, 'You said a word that if it
got mixed with the water of the sea,
it would be enough to contaminate it.'
Meaning: it would muddy it.
This was to strengthen my fear
and reverence for Allah.
He did not reprimand me. When I made
a mistake, the most he would do was change
his facial expressions. Hence, he
developed my emotional sensitivity:
I would read his facial expressions
and adjust my behavior accordingly."
"He never raised his voice?"
"Never!"
Aisha smiled and said,
"He once told me, 'I know when you
are pleased with me or angry with me.'
I said, 'How do you know that?'
He said, 'When you are pleased with me,
you say, "No, by the Lord of Muhammad,"
but when you are angry with me then
you say, "No, by the Lord of Ibrahim."'
I said, 'Yes, but by Allah,
O Allah's Messenger, I leave nothing
but your name.'
I only omit your name,
but your love is stamped in my heart.
It does not change in any way."
"Well, and what made you upset with him?"
"My jealousy over him."
"Did you love him to the extent
of getting jealous and
wanting him all to yourself?"
"How could I not love him to that extent
given his beautiful morals?
Once, during my turn to have him stay
with me, he came and lay down beside me.
When he thought I had fallen asleep,
he quietly got up,
put on his shoes and went out.
I got dressed quickly and followed him
to see if he was going
to another one of his wives.
It turned out that he was headed to
Al-Baqi' Cemetery,
where some of his companions were buried.
When he started heading back,
I ran so that I arrived before him,
and he wouldn't know that
I went out after him.
When he entered and noticed that I
was out of breath, he asked why.
I evaded the answer but then I told him.
Then he told me that Jibril
had come to tell him that Allah
ordered him to ask forgiveness for
the Al-Baqi' people and he feared
to wake me up and make me panic,
so he went out quietly. I then asked him,
'What do I say when I visit the cemetery?'
and he taught me what to say."
Nada wanted to ask how the Prophet
handled Aisha's jealousy
She was ashamed to mention Shadi's
behavior toward his female colleagues:
such a contrast to the lawful relationship
between the Prophet and his wives
She said,
"How did he respond to your jealousy?"
Aisha smiled and said,
"The Messenger of Allah invited his
friends one day to my house.
Um-Salamah, the Prophet’s wife,
came with a large plate of food
to honor the Prophet and his guests.
I got jealous and broke the plate
with a rock in my hand."
Nada gasped and stared at her,
"What did the Messenger of Allah do?"
Aisha said, "He gathered the broken
pieces of the plate together
with the food on them, and
said to his companions,
'Eat, your mother got jealous.'
Eat, your mother got jealous!
meaning me.
Then, the Messenger of Allah took one
of my plates, and sent it to Um Salamah."
"And the matter ended just like that?"
"Yes."
"He did not beat you?"
Aisha laughed, "Beat me?!"
The Prophet never laid a hand on a
woman, servant, or anything;
except for when he fought for
Allah's cause."
Nada thought to herself
- My personality has been crushed by Shadi
- I feel fragile and have low self-esteem
in front of others, when I am with him
So she asked,
"Were you able to be yourself with the
Prophet? Self-confident
and cheerful?"
Aisha smiled,
"I once prepared some food, while Sawdah,
the Prophet’s wife, was at my house
I said to her, 'Eat!'
The Messenger of Allah was between us.
She said, 'I don't have an appetite,
nor do I want to eat.'
I said, 'Eat or I will smudge your face.'
Meaning: with the food.
She did not eat.
So I smudged her face with the food.
The Messenger of Allah laughed.
Sawdah took some food
and smudged my face back,
and the Prophet kept laughing."
Nada thought to herself,
- Shadi responds to my jealousy
- by showing that he mistrusts me,
- accusing me of flirting
with male colleagues,
- and of being attracted to one of them
So she asked,
"Did the Prophet think well of you?"
"Yes. When the hypocrites slandered me,
he defended me, and said,
'By Allah, I have not known about
my family anything except good.'
He meant me.
He waited for a whole month
but nothing was revealed to him,
from the Quran, in my regard.
He was too considerate to confront me
directly and hurt my feelings.
And, when he finally asked me,
he said,
'Aisha, this is what
has reached me about you and
if you are innocent,
Allah would...vindicate your honor,
but if you have committed a sin, then
ask for Allah's Forgiveness and repent
..when a servant makes a confession, Allah
turns to him accepting his repentance.'
Then, Allah revealed my innocence."
(Al-Bukhari)
Nada thought to herself
- When the maid is on vacation
- Shadi doesn't help around the house
- even though he posts about
women's rights and their ordeals
So she asked,
"I'm sure that the Prophet
did not help with the house chores,
given that he was the Messenger of Allah."
"On the contrary, he used to help.
Then at prayer time, he went to pray."
Nada was surprised and pictured an
image of the Prophet
Peace & Blessings be upon him
helping his wife around the house
with humility and affection
Nada thought to herself,
- Shadi has started smoking recently
- and I dislike the smell of cigarettes
- Small things provoke me. Why doesn't
he dress up for me as he does for others?
So she asked, "Did the Prophet
dress up for you and use scent?
as he did with others?"
"As soon as he got home,
he would immediately use a siwak
to clean his teeth,
and I smelled his pleasant breath."
Nada was surprised by this
A man grooming himself for
his family, as men of today do
for an event or important meeting!
Nada thought to herself,
- I have reached the point where
I prefer Shadi's absence
So she asked, "It is obvious that you
were very attached to the Prophet.
Did you ever reach the point where
you couldn't bear being away from him?"
"One night, he said, 'Aisha:
let me spend the night in worship.'
I told him, 'By Allah, I love being close
to you, but I also love what pleases you.'
So, he got up, washed
and stood up to pray."
Nada said to herself,
- Shadi plays the part of
a charitable and kind husband
- in front of others
- but this kindness disappears with me
- He justifies this by claiming to
be overwhelmed and
- stressed from life
So she asked, "Did the Prophet
treat you the way he treated others?"
"Even better!
He, Peace & Blessings be upon him,
is the one who said, 'The best of you
is the best to his family,
and I am the best to my family.'
He set the yardstick
for measuring the goodness of men,
by their treatment of their wives."
Nada said to herself,
- There are aspects of Shadi's personal
life that I am ashamed to talk about
- because they are harmful to
his image. So she asked,
"Pardon me for this question:
Is there any aspect of the Prophet’s life
that you don't want anyone to know about?"
"Not at all,
his whole life was an open book,
I recounted it with all its details.
I even recounted the details of our
marital intimacy; to educate people.
Why would I hide anything about his life
when his morals were
the Quran?
Everything in the Quran
concerning morality,
was manifest in Muhammad,
Peace & Blessings be upon him;
both inside and out!
He was as chivalrous with me
as he was with others.
I never saw him laughing uncontrollably;
he only smiled."
Nada thought to herself,
- The shaken image I have for Shadi
- makes me repulsed by our
intimate relationship as a couple
- I feel as if I'm doing something wrong
So she asked,
"Pardon me for this question!
You said you were not embarrassed
to talk about what was necessary
to educate people about marital intimacy.
Do you mean... that you did not feel
any awkwardness in your intimate life?"
"Absolutely not! In Islam,
intimacy between a man and his wife
gets them closer to Allah.
Both spouses are rewarded for it.
This is something that
the Messenger of Allah,
Peace & Blessings be upon him, taught me."
Aisha continued,
"At the same time...
Do you know how Allah described me and
other female believers in Surat Al-Nur;
when the hypocrites slandered us?
Allah described us as 'heedless'.
Do you know what heedless means?
Bad deeds and forbidden relations
do not even occur to us;
in our innocence and purity of soul.
When I entered my home,
where the Messenger of Allah
and my father, Abu-Bakr, were buried,
I took off my dress, and said,
'They are my husband and my father.'
But when Omar was buried with them,
by Allah, I only went there
fully clothed;
out of shyness from Omar."
Nada realized that she was
dealing with a balanced
character; raised in a wonderful way
She realized, also, that the concept
of sex in Islam was completely different
from its concept
in contemporary materialism
Aisha continued, "The Messenger of Allah
who educated people
–in a refined way–
about the relationship between spouses
felt no shyness in discussing
permissible acts, yet
he was shy about discussing
intimate feminine details with women.
One day, a woman asked him
about bathing after menstruation.
He told her how to wash.
Then he said,
'Take a piece of cloth dipped in musk
and cleanse yourself with it.'
She said, 'How do I cleanse?'
He said, 'Cleanse with it.'
She said, 'How?'
He said, 'Glory be to Allah! Cleanse!'
The Messenger of Allah was embarrassed
to tell her to put it on the blood source.
So, I grabbed the woman aside
and told her,
'Follow the trace of blood with it.'
(Al-Bukhari)
Nada said to herself,
- Shadi is too proud to show weakness
- Instead, he directs his anger toward me
- if his vulnerabilities are exposed
She asked, "Did the Messenger of Allah
avoid showing his vulnerability to you?"
"Not at all! When he, Peace & Blessings
be upon him, was sick on his deathbed,
he asked his wives' permission
to receive care at my house."
At this point, Aisha's voice trembled;
she could barely pull herself together.
Then she continued, "The Messenger
of Allah, Peace & Blessings be upon him,
died in my house, in my arms;
with his head on my chest,
My brother, Abd Al-Rahman Ibn-Abu-Bakr,
had entered the room earlier with a siwak.
The Messenger of Allah looked at it,
and I felt that he yearned for it.
So, I took it and chewed on it to
soften it and handed it to the Prophet.
He brushed his teeth with it
better than I had ever seen him do.
Then he tried to raise the siwak to me,
and his hand fell.
I kept on praying for him
using a supplication that Jibril
used to pray for him,
The Prophet himself also
supplicated with it when he was sick,
but not during his final ailment.
He looked up toward the sky and said,
'The highest companion',
and his soul departed.
Praise be to Allah, who mixed my saliva
with his on his last day in this world."
"Did you state in your will that you
wanted to be buried next to him?"
"I wanted that,
but chose to give my place to Omar.
When Omar was stabbed,
they came to me while I was crying, and
told me that Omar Ibn-Al-Khattab
was asking permission
to be buried with his two companions:
My husband and my father, Abu-Bakr.
My husband, the Messenger of Allah,
and my father.
I said,
'By Allah, I wanted it for myself,
and today I will choose him over myself.'"
Nada thought to herself,
- I no longer care about Shadi’s interests
- I intentionally oppose him in everything
and I don't want to be anything like him
She asked, "Do you miss your husband,
the Messenger of Allah?"
"He is alive in my being.
I keep his memory alive
by talking about him:
his words, his movements, his calmness,
and his facial features.
I soaked myself in his
knowledge and wisdom, and
I feel his pure breath in my ribs
as I spread his knowledge,
and talk about the details of his life.
Through my marriage to him,
I became a mother to all believers,
even though
I have never given birth.
Billions of Muslims,
until the Day of Resurrection, love me,
ask Allah to be satisfied with me, and
walk in the light that
I passed on to them.
Now, my greatest concern
is to join my beloved in Heaven.
I do as he did;
he was the most generous person.
And I follow in his footsteps and
those of my father.
Before, I was asking the Prophet
for more money.
Now I spend and leave
almost nothing for myself.
The Messenger of Allah said,
'And the most lovable deeds to Allah
are the continuous ones,
even if it is little.'
So now, when I do any deed,
I do it repeatedly."
Nada thought to herself,
- My emotions with Shadi are troubled
- although I am a psychiatrist
Nada was embarrassed to bring up
Aisha's emotional state
as compared to hers
It would seem like a funny question
to such an amazing person
whose nephew, Urwah Ibn-Al-Zubayr,
said about her,
"I accompanied Aisha, and
I never saw anyone more knowledgeable
than her when it came to the
Quran that was revealed, religious
duties, prophetic tradition,
poetry, Arab history,
family ancestry... judgment,
and knowledge of medicine.
I said to her,
'O my aunt, where did you learn medicine?'
She said, 'I would get sick,
and I would be prescribed something
as a treatment, or
someone would get sick and
something would be prescribed for him.
I also heard people prescribing for
one another, and I memorized all that.'"
The interview ended
It was 1:00 p.m. when Nada realized
that she had spent multiple hours
turning the pages of the biography
of the Prophet
She closed the book
with shock and amazement!
Who was this Prophet
who filled a small room with
thousands of beautiful memories
in such a wonderful way?
Who was this Prophet
who caused a young girl to grow
into a strong, beloved, balanced,
confident, and harmonious character?
Nada closed the book, and
left the office. Passing through
the corridors of her spacious house
she felt cold despite
her luxurious coat
The heating at home
had not been working for a while
because Shadi
did not refill the fuel tank;
hoping that Nada would pay for it
out of her own money
And she, in turn, ignored it
because she felt he was being greedy
Nada passed by the kitchen
and looked at the table. There were traces
of a meal that Shadi had eaten, by himself
without bothering to ask
if she was hungry
She went to her bedroom
The bracelet was there on the side table
waiting for Shadi to fix it
He was asleep and snoring
with his phone in his hand
Nada lay down on the bed
She wished that the interview
had never ended
and that she lived
just as Aisha had lived
This is the story of Nada: A story which
represents many of today's women
I narrated this story
to a group of brothers and sisters
One of the sisters said,
"I have been working for a long time
in family counseling, and
I can tell you that the twenty-three
problems that you mentioned
summarize the relationship problems
between couples today."
The strange thing, brothers and sisters
is that the materialistic
modern ignorance we live in
which has stripped women of
comfort, happiness and dignity
considers the Prophet's marriage to Aisha
as a shubha (allegation)
which needs to be refuted
because of her young age
One truly wonders how the Corrupt
dare to challenge the Pure, and
how failure dares to disparage success!
What is strange is that we Muslims
accept this labeling of the most
successful and beautiful marriage
as a shubha!
We add it to the group of shubha(s)
and start the case for defense
We should have asked from the beginning,
"What specifically is the problem,
so that we can respond to it?"
Why do you –objectors– assume
that we accept your standards?
It is strange that we allow Islam haters
who defeat us militarily
in every despicable way
to defeat us psychologically
by occupying our minds and souls
So here we are:
Judging our religion, our history,
and our Prophet's tradition,
according to our opponents' standards!
Accepting the classification of a
part of religion as a shubha
means losing half the battle
And if you try to defend it
using the standards of your opponent
you lose the other half!
The Prophet married Aisha
when she was young,
developed the capabilities she had,
and produced the most beautiful
female personality:
balanced, confident, strong, reliable,
pious, satisfied, and truly guided
He equipped her with knowledge and
a sound character from childhood
Allah gave her years to live
after the Prophet
and she remained a beacon
who spread knowledge to the worlds
until the Day of Judgment
The objective of this story was not to
discuss marriage to female minors
in our current day and circumstance
or to learn about the Prophet’s marriage
to Aisha when she was young
or to put forth responses
to those who have a
problem with this marriage
We merely wanted to focus the light
on the psychological development of Aisha
in the House of Prophethood
and the way she was treated
And to expose the modern ignorance
and its mouthpieces
who assassinated the woman
and her personality
then dared to criticize
the purest and most beautiful example:
the story of Muhammad and Aisha
The Prophet’s marriage to Aisha
is a source of pride
that we boast about to these lost nations
We use it to teach the ignorant
and guide the deluded
We use it to erase the effects
of contemporary ignorance in our
families and communities
We ask Allah to make our lives with
our families like that of the
Messenger of Allah with Aisha
May the peace and mercy of Allah
be upon you