The Marriage Proposal

Peace be upon you Forgive us dear viewers for this delay Sometimes I lose track of time We also had a minor technical glitch Dear viewers It has become popular among our youth to imitate and idolize Westerners in everything This includes the Western-style "Marriage Proposal": The glamorized depiction of young people in love; just like the movies! The portrayal is of a young couple dating for a while then, one day he decides to surprise her, kneels down and presents her with a ring or a flower bouquet; as an expression of his wish to marry her! The girl rejoices and the young man lifts her up in the air amid rounds of applause! Unfortunately, young Muslim men are blindly imitating their Western counterparts in this ritual Sometimes, even girls wearing hijab (Islamic attire) are swung up in the air; to give this ritual an Islamic flavor May Allah help us! - So, what's the problem? - Why are you offended? - It is marriage, brother -MARRIAGE! - Why do you guys have a problem with everything? The problem, dear viewers is that this embellished scene: this "marriage prelude" is used to legitimize the illicit relationship that precedes it In comparison, the Islamic marriage concept becomes distorted; as a boring "conventional marriage", unromantic, and lacking the necessary opportunity for the couple to get to know one another First, let us see what is happening in the Western context in order to lament our blind imitation of others Dear viewers, what happens in many cases in the West is that a woman starts a relationship with a man: a girlfriend/boyfriend type relationship They go out on several dates Sooner or later, the relationship develops into an illicit sexual relationship There are published articles on Western websites which offer advice to the woman on dating etiquette including the appropriate period to wait before she allows her male partner —her boyfriend— to have sex with her They remain in this situation for a while; months or years living in sin and committing zina (prohibited sex) The woman is unsettled throughout this relationship She fears that, at any moment this man —who lives with her in sin— might fall for someone else and tell her, "Goodbye. It's over!" She lives in constant fear and insecurity In many cases, she has a financial dependency on her boyfriend and needs to feel secure and safe! As the days go by her beauty fades Beauty has an expiry date, after all! Also, the woman has a motherhood instinct She yearns to be a mother Consequently, in many cases she asks the man to marry her because, without marriage she has no rights over the man and he has no obligation towards her Pay attention, young men and women Throughout this illicit premarital affair the woman has no rights over the man and he has no obligation towards her! There are published articles with titles such as, ''How long should you date before marriage?'' In other words an illicit premarital affair is required for both parties to find out if they are serious; if they are ready to start a family and have kids These male boyfriends; I do not like to call them men because whoever behaves thus is not a man; whoever engages in premarital affairs is not a man Most males, i.e. ''boyfriends'' don't want any obligation towards the woman they only seek base sinful pleasure! Illicit premarital relationships with women come with no penalty for desertion! He can break up with her; discard her whenever he wants On the other hand, there are obligations with marriage: Half of his wealth goes to her if they divorce! I know that this is the case in American law I don't know the situation in European countries But, in the US, if a couple divorces he has to give her half of his wealth! Surely, the male is better off without this risk He wants to avoid the responsibility of family and children; he just wants to enjoy living in sin! That's why he insists on birth control and, if she does get pregnant, she must get an abortion! At this point, a dispute occurs The woman insists on marriage, keeping the baby and her right to motherhood The male flees; turning his back on a relationship of months or even years during which he defiled her honor and enjoyed her intimately; free of charge FREE of charge! There are published interviews with these women However, we will not be able to share the links, as they contain some inappropriate scenes You can hear the painful details as they talk about their experience The agony in their longing to get married is unbelievable! Nevertheless, they brought it upon themselves Please remember, dear viewers what we discussed in the ''The Liberation of the Western Woman'' episode In the West, a woman's value is based on her beauty Please do not bring up loyalty between couples or the loyalty of the Prophet Peace and Blessings be upon him We are discussing something completely removed from this context Completely! Their standard is beauty Thus, when a woman's beauty reaches its expiry date, her ability to attract men decreases and her value drops She might become homeless and require social security aid But there is another scenario —not as common— In a few cases the boyfriend decides to bestow his favor upon the woman he violated He "graciously" offers to marry her, either voluntarily or upon her request He surprises her with a marriage proposal while presenting her with a ring She is filled with amazement, jumps up and screams with joy! The audience applauds! - Finally, he has an obligation towards me - Finally there is serenity, stability, and motherhood! If this scene happens it is usually after the woman uses sex to pressure the man into marriage What happens after marriage? Social Science research shows high rates of divorce as well as high rates of severe beating and violence against women in what is referred to as "battered woman syndrome" which we discussed in the episode ''Islam & Beating Women'' Hollywood shows up with a minute or less of footage of the marriage proposal; minus all the humiliation, dishonor and misery that the woman went through before and after this scene! Thus, our young men —May Allah guide them and accept repentance from us— and our young ladies —May Allah guide them and us— view this scene as an expression of romance, respect and honor towards women! If this embellished romantic moment becomes normalized as a necessary prelude to marriage then the preceding premarital relationship becomes normalized too Yes, premarital sex is still uncommon in our societies —thus far and we seek refuge in Allah from the future It is not as common as it is in theirs But, if we are dazzled by them it is only a matter of time, "And do not follow the footsteps of Satan." (Quran Translated Meaning 2:208) When Muslim girls say, - "No marriage before a relationship!" we ask: What kind of relationship, sister? What kind?! A lawful Islamic courtship with family present? Then I'm all for it I also do not support rushing into marriage; to allow the two parties a chance to study each other's personality, honesty, sincerity, faith, and mental soundness I am all for taking it slow before marriage I encourage the young man to sit with the girl once, twice, three, four, five times to ensure the compatibility between them by Allah's permission However, dear viewers, please note how some girls repeat the phrase: "If you paid a dowry it doesn't mean that you bought the girl." Is the dowry a purchase?! Allah guide you! Or is what happens in the West —in essence— a purchase, enslavement and humiliation of a woman's dignity?! Compare what you have just heard about Western societies with what happens in our Muslim societies; despite our many issues and our abandonment of many religious teachings Despite having strayed from our religion we still have its vestiges Compare what happens in our societies when a large group of men —in a truly magnificent scene— accompany the young man to ask for the girl's hand in marriage in accordance with the Noble Quran and Sunnah The whole clan is seeking your hand in marriage young lady, to this young man in Halal (according to Quran and Sunnah) Moreover, the young man pays a dowry as an obligation imposed by Allah; not as a favor for marrying you It is not a favor from him; it is your RIGHT! The Prophet, Peace & Blessing upon him said, ''Win the pious one, and you'll be blessed!" Bukhari You are the winner if you marry a pious woman! You are the winner! You are not doing her a favor by salvaging the remnants of her dignity, marrying her and allowing her motherhood! If boredom and apathy are present in the marital life of many Muslim couples it is not because of Islam, ladies and gentlemen Not because of Islam! Nor is it because of conventional marriage It is a result of abandoning the Sunnah of our Prophet Peace and Blessings be upon him including his gentle gestures in marital life which we discussed in the episode ''Nada complains to Aisha'' In the authentic hadith, Al-Mughirah ibn Shubah (Allah be pleased with him) proposed to a woman so the Prophet, Peace be upon him, said, ''Go and look at her; this is more likely to spark love between you.'' Tirmidhi If you wish to marry a girl, look at her and make sure you are attracted to her She should also see if she is attracted to you and to your personality: "more likely to spark love between you" An opportunity for love and mercy to develop! The Prophet said "Why not a virgin, so you could play with each other?" (Nasa'i) In another version, "So you may amuse one another." Bukhari Marital life should be playful and beautiful But we have moved away from the Sunnah of our Prophet; even in the need to refresh the love relationship between spouses Therefore, young ladies and gentlemen I beseech you.. After what you have just heard: Is it permissible and correct for you as the youth of Muhammad's Ummah; as followers of the best Prophet and Messenger; who belong to the best Ummah brought forth for Mankind; Is it really acceptable for you to imitate this Western model? Isn't it natural to feel aversion to the extent that you can't bear to watch such scenes?! You are an honored Muslim with a distinct personality, independence and dignity; not a copycat! They should be the ones who imitate us They should be following our example in honoring women, respecting them, glorifying their status, and in our deep family ties based on affection, mercy, loyalty, love, and obedience to Allah Almighty, through the reciprocal kindness between spouses; not a relationship based on cheap illicit sex which eventually ends with the woman tossed aside, unless the man who has defiled her honor for years does her a "favor"! Allah help us! May Allah the Almighty, Lord of the Glorious Throne, guide our young men and women to what pleases Him and join us together at the fountain of our Prophet Peace and Blessings be upon him May the peace and mercy of Allah be upon you